I love you bigger….

I had a few comments about loving Mel bigger than I loved Ev….

I DIDN’T know how to love Ev as much as I do now.
I learned something when I lost Ev…

The last time…..the last time I will ever….

Learning that made me love BIGGER!

….and, I loved Mel Bigger….

I think she may have tried harder if she had known that, but she couldn’t know it. She doubted herself too much. No matter how many times I tried to tell her….she wouldn’t believe it….

Neither did Ev…. someone recently told me that Ev knew I loved her….she didn’t! She told me in the last 6 weeks that she finally realized I loved her.

Fuk…the last 6 weeks!

I don’t think I ever kissed Ev like it might be the last time….Our last night together I slept on the sofa with Charlotte….that WOULD NOT have happened if I knew it was the last night….

Oddly enough….I didn’t sleep with Mel our last night together either….she passed out on the sofa after puking all over herself, the bathroom, and the closed toilet….so drunk she didn’t even lift the cover to puke…..

Honestly….If I had known that was our last night together, I probably would have stayed up….lifted the seat…got her some water….

I was trying….if only she would have talked to Charlotte…I would have given her everything….the house…the money she needed….and…I know why she didn’t…..She was too caught up in the drama of her friends bad relationship…and Mel created problems that didn’t exist….her friend…and a married basketball coach to chat with late at night….

Ya….she fumbled the ball…huge….

Mel will never be loved the way I loved her….she will never have breakfast in bed whenever possible….she will never have her feet rubbed nightly…never be cuddled day and night….never have her back kissed 50 times a night, every time I wake up….

I appreciated every moment like it could be the last….until she pushed it too far…

Now she will figure out how to mow the lawn, build the fence, be supported in her career….

and really…I hope she finds that…not just some guy willing to disrespect her when the time suits him….I hope she finds happiness again.

The Quote of The Day

“The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.” — Gilbert K. Chesterton


Now I have lost Russett…probably the only person that knew for years I was having trouble with Mel. I have other friends that knew in the last few weeks…I had discussed paying off Mels debt with Scott…I bounced it off him all day.

I had already done the research I thought I needed…I was prepared to give her everything she needed…..

…but before the end of the day I told him I decided to send Mel an email, to check if she was still involved and interested in continuing….

I thought the email was fine….she didn’t respond…later she told me the email wasn’t nice….and I shared it with a female friend of mine; she agreed….

I guess I should have had chatgpt write it for me….I sent the email on the 11th…I kicked her out on the 13th….
While searching for the email gmail search first offered emails by relevance….

May 29, 2019 Mel sent me an email with the subject line – Love of my life. Body – You’re my everything. Let’s get married.

I responded…. Anytime.

……..Probably not one of the points in time I asked Russett if there would be space at his house for Charlotte and I….I had considered leaving several times….but I also thought things would get better….

They didn’t.

Are things better here? Yes. The house is a really good space….I am healthier and happier than I have been in so long….I feel great!

Life?
– The cobra will hit the streets again this weekend.
– I have rejoined the Britannia Yacht Club…I am searching for a boat.
– Most important….Charlotte is really happy. We have a great life. She is at Calypso again enjoying her summer. Spending her days in the backyard doing her driving school work, and enjoying the weather. She is working hard in the gym and on the ice.

My life is really good. Very relaxing. I am investing in myself. My happiness. My future.

Later Tater…