Dances With Death….

Monday night….was a busy weekend…doing things for myself. The cobra hits the road tomorrow. Not painted, but I will drive it for the next 2 months to rattle it down.

I needed a bit of time…in my own space…nothing but me and the universe….

The setting moon……funny converstions….

Anyway…Russett thought he might dance with death this weekend….it was a great success…just short trips to the other side, nothing too permanent. A quick visit with Charlie…Russett posted a FB memory about Charlie.

My comment and his response:

Ya…I’ve been known to offer a joke into a brutal situation…but Russett had the spirit to respond, which is better than the alternative.

The thing is…he dances with death daily….by the minute….

Hearty….he was slow dancing…cheek to cheek…for years. Just walking the razors edge…willing to go….and eventually he decided to take the pass on this round.

I have been in that space here and there for moments…thankfully fleeting…I did once make a call to my doctors office…….a moment of serious sharing here, something I hadn’t planned on talking about ever….but ya…….I did call the doctors office at one point after Ev left…….just a bit too far on that edge….but….I don’t know…I just decided while on the call that I didn’t have that option.

I had the kids……….I couldn’t go……

Russett had an alergic reaction to his chemo this weekend and crashed….He and Mel explained the setting to me….which I had experienced…..that crash room….just before they took Ev into emergency surgery….the last time I would ever be able to say anything to her and hope for a response………

7 months ago I made the decision to improve my life. It has been a lot of work, and has offered so many rewards. I am happy, healthy, strong. I have moved forward in so many ways….and in doing that I have to let go of some things.

For years after Ev left I kept the yoga studio open…and long after I decided to close it I kept the website active….photos of Ev doing Yoga things….being wonderful…..

And the past few weeks I have taken the time to be involved in spaces in the house I have left alone….Ev spaces….and they atill are….but she wasn’t the last to touch them…and soon I will renovate the kitchen and those spaces wont exist.

I have kept the house in Ev’s name….until now…..

No more property tax bill…no more hydro…no more gas……..

All that is gone now………

No reason to have her email forwarded to mine……the address will not be needed……..

So….I keep moving forward…face towards the sun….happy.

The plan….the cobra is on the road tomorrow….the house is getting renovated top to bottom. Downstairs will have a nice gym/spa vibe. Opening it up for a nice big gym, with a sofa and a tv…a gym/sports room to relax and watch tv. The basement bathroom will become a wet room leading to the sauna…a great place to unwind and sweat after lifting. The main floor a new kitchen. New tile and harwood. Upstairs I am going to reno both bathrooms and do hardwood.

The value of riverside south homes will rebound and I will make my place a resort at home. Great sun in the backyard helping to heat the pool and a great modern vibe inside. It will take me a year to get it done but that is only a summer away.

The summer has been glorious. Charlotte is driving…we are shopping for a jeep for her. I may have found my next car project….a gt6….and I’m in good enough shape to fit in it!

And shape…..I can not wait to hit Mexico this year at Christmas and be in better shape than any 40 year old at the place.

No Weather….Next weekend….

The Quote of The Day
I’m a castaway, and men reap what they sow
And I say what I know, to be true
Yeah, I’m living far away, on the face of the moon
I’ve buried my love to give the world to you-
~Moondust – Stripped – Jaymes Young

Problems….I’ve had a few. I have so many things….but I am dealing with them.
I’ve done therapy…I’ve let go…I’ve grown…repeat….

I am really going to evolve right now….continue with lifting…I may attempt to run a bit……although not my favorite I think a quick 3k would be ok. Out, the loop, back. I’m going to start….

My space will continue to evolve….I have 2 more years here with Charlotte….and then what? Maybe stay in Riverside south another few years….make a move…………..

We shall see…..

I have had a tumultuous few weeks….months….frig…it’s been years….

An interesting quote from the second season of BEEF….”the average human lives 960 months. We haven’t wasted it”

How many months have I wasted……

How many months do I have left? Russett? Any of us?
Let’s make the most of those months….whatever that means to each of us.


…..I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice
To bury my love
In the Moondust….