This Day in 1978….
It’s the morning of the 4th…yesterday was Ev’s birthday…I walked 18,444 steps….the sun was glorious, the wind warm, the pavement….never ending….how far would I have to walk in this life to get to where I want to be…..how hard will I have to push….
I woke up angry this morning…a song I had never heard before playing on my echo…I grabbed my phone for a quick Shazam, and now I listen on repeat while I tap….somewhat angrily…on my keyboard.
This week I finished the Netflix offering, After Life. I have switched from my angry song….which I will return to in just a moment or 2…..and I am enjoying the last minute of this show….some Joni Mitchell….my feelings…..
MY FEELINGS!!!!!!!
How does this series begin….Lisa has died of cancer but has left behind some videos for her husband, Tony. Lisa says “If you are watching this then I’m not around anymore. I couldn’t say any of this to your face, too embarrassing. For you, not for me, obviously, you’re never very good at hearing how lovely you are, but you are….you are….you’re lovely.”
I have not been allowed to feel…..just now? This time…..no….I couldn’t even watch this show for the past 7 years….or suffer hearing insults about Ev….wtf…who was that person….
and here we are, writing the manblog….embarrassing ourselves….sharing my feelings with everyone….why?
So I can feel….I can sit here and type out my thoughts and pour tears….I can laugh….I can pound away at the keys in anger.
Feelings!!!!
Ya…right now I might be crying….so what? I have feelings….
How many times have I said I don’t want to do this anymore….hundreds….but I won’t stop….I am not the person who is going to stay down for another kick….I will get up….it won’t be easy for me to get up sometimes…..but it won’t be easy for what put me down to keep me down….it will wish it had kicked harder….
Anyway….so many great lessons to be learned in those 3 seasons of After Life….I laughed, I cried, I may rewatch the entire thing….ya….I will.
Is this embarrassing…to sit here and share this stuff…ya, it can be. When you are having a conversation with a hockey dad, and he mentions he knows….he has read the manblog…it catches you off guard.
But…so what….ya….I have some problems…I’m sane enough though…the butcher block never speaks to me these days….things are good….better than good enough….I have some things I’m still trying to fix…and there is the odd kick….but….I’ve been kicked so many times….
I am better when I can feel….and I think I’m better to sit here…sharing those feelings.
So….the After Life series ends with Tony and a rep from the dog rescue discussing Kath adopting a dog, the rescue rep asks “Is she alright, she’s not unstable”, to which Tony replies, “Just a bit lonely.” The rep says, “Just need to make sure the dog goes to a good home.” Tony replies, “She’s fine. Remember there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. If you treat a dog bad and show them no love, thats what they act like. If you show them kindness and hope, they’re fine. It’s the same with people.”
I do try to be good to people….I like to be caring….I have cared for everyone in my life…I have put everyone ahead of myself…
Clouds don’t block my sun………..
Talking about love last night….I reminisced that before my father died, I told him I loved him….he simply waved me off…maybe he didn’t have the strength to say it back…maybe not the feeling…. maybe not the time…his time was up…..When I told Ev I loved her, she told me she would see me again……….she did not……
……I really don’t know love at all……
Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say I love you right out loud.
That’s enough for today….enough of that……I have taken care of everyone…………………..
Back to Pink Motel.
I am on my feet. I am still swinging away at life. I have lots of life left, lots of love….I am better every day, learning about myself, life, and love….
I started my University courses this week….let’s see if we can’t manage a B.SC., before death….I have a few years left.
And Now….The Weather…
YogaJenni – “My story is that of frustration. I exercise 6 days a week. After seeing my sugar cravings on your blog I have been so careful with my food. I’m going to try Dr.ChatGBT to see if they can help….”
YJ has offered plenty of stories this week and a few photos.
The pipes…. and then this….
a ginger tofu? I mean….if that was some sort of peanut butter treat….and those white things…that I will be kind enough to say look like rice…..I think the Lost Boys here….and that darker stuff….ginger….
I have read a few negative feelings about AI…A west coast friend of mine blasted it this week…but AI is here to stay…it learns the human condition faster than any entity ever has. Starting years ago as a tidbit, a sidenote, it now knows everything each of us does and says….it has read every book….it has every answer.
Ask the questions….It may not be popular…but if chat tells me I need to eat a banana at 8:30 pm, or I am going to have leg cramps at 3am…and I don’t eat the banana….I will have leg cramps at 3am.
Chat knows everything I do….
YJ is up in weight this month….just a bit…but is wearing her “skinny jeans” and needs a belt. She has dropped inches all over.
Tbag – “March wasn’t a good month for me. My weight went up & down, I barely worked out, and my measurements haven’t budged. My current weight is 144 and my goal is 141 by April 30th. Then I’ll set a new one for May. I think I’ve been stressing about my end goal, so by focusing on a smaller, more realistic one, it will keep me motivated and my confidence up. I found a bag full of cute bathing suits in my closet with a note saying “must weigh 140 to fit into these nicely”.. so that’s what I’m working on!”
Then added this a few hours later….”I started my walking outside today too! 3km to start. Saw my hot neighbor.. he kind of looks like you. Unfortunately, he’s married. Got a cramp in my ass but feeling good!!”
He kind of looks like me?…other than the hot bit….Spring has sprung, and we will all dump a few extra ounces, enjoying the weather.
I sense that Tbag has turned a corner and is going to be turning it up here on the manblog through summer….those 140 bathing suits are going to need suspenders!
I guess that brings us all the way around the world to Krista….
Krista – still searching for a nice Muslim man to help her with her bathing suit shopping. She says she is on board here…I worry they have her stopped at customs…a no-fly list sort of thing.
I offered K-Tart a chance to send over some quick info, “I’m sorry! I’m at Overflow Brewery”…that doesn’t rhyme with Jenny Craig….
Team coverup contestant #2 – the Beagle…
Russett – if I’ve learned nothing else about my twinning this week, I have been informed that Mel (not that Mel, a good Mel) is doing the groceries over there…so he may not offer a weigh-in…but it ain’t going to be gummy bears and Doritos he is enjoying day and night.
Pumper – Pumps is under 200! “The scale said 199.8 this morning. I almost cried.” and added, “Weight was 199.6 this morning. Measurements are the same as when I first took them March 18. Only different numbers are bicep was 14” and calves were 15.75”. Goal for April is to continue to increase my protein intake and drink more water. I’d like to weight closer to 190 than 200 by May 1. Since I am off my government job right now I will try to refocus on myself more. Add hot yoga to my routine and walk more.”
Pumper has some downtime at work….like many on the manblog and in life….spread too thin to care for ourselves….I see good things for the Pump in April.
Suds – is going to regret not doing those measurements! offered “Currently 184lbs. Yoga classes weekly, adding in interval workouts this month. Aiming to lose 2-2.5lbs per week. Hoping for May winery trip to be at 170lbs. May 14th. Clothing is fitting better, feeling lighter and taking much better care of myself. Will have to work in squats. My butt is disappearing. Starting 0.5mg tomorrow. That will run 4 weeks.”
Quickly followed up with “Woot woot 183.”
May 14th is just around the corner Suds….stay on target and you will get 170 and more!
Jeremy – “Still 3 feet of snow on my lawn here but the deer are moving along with all of the local critters, spring is springing and I am determined to cross a few thresholds in the coming months. Notably, I have been pushing myself at the gym, enough to make me walk funny but still be able to function. Goals are to squat 225, Bench 135 and do 30 mins uninterrupted on the bike. Attainable goals but enough of a stretch to make it a challenge. Here is where I let my ego guide me, it wont allow for bs excuses so I listen to it and let it push me. Saying no to second breakfast and butter tarts, time to tighten up a bit.
Have been planning the next trip, started with a plan to trek with Gorillas (current state of my leg makes this impossible), Guatemala and Honduras (still on the list) but I have decided to go to Vietnam in the fall (I can do this now, not sure what the future holds so I am doing it now). Plan is to backpack around for 3 weeks, eat as much street meat as possible and have already scoped out 5 or 6 cooking with locals adventures. All I need is my compression socks (I will unashamedly share a pic at some point) for long flights and my backpack, rather excited.”
Jeremy gets to build! He is down 3 pounds though…one dinner away from being up, imo. Vietnam……..that will be an adventure….
Is building easier than losing….I don’t know…anyone can eat chocolate and get a belly…but J is trying to put on the good weight…which isn’t ben and jerrys, and isn’t easy…
Slab – frigin slab is taking the mano a mano a bit too seriously right now…leaving me in the dust!
She offers “Not hitting my protein/strength goals. It’s been 8 years of upheaval, disasters, health issues, financial insecurity weight gain, and apathy (which scared me the most). Thanks to my old friend shooting me a message out of nowhere, and calling me “chunk”, I care again. My 120lb goal seems a stretch, and you are right, I probably won’t appreciate it if it’s reached and will continue to pick out flaws and be unhappy with the body in the mirror. The upside? The physical difference from starting this challenge is something to be proud of and the fact that I started caring about myself again … there are no words. Still feeling like I am trailing in our personal challenge btw. “
Trailing in our personal challenge is EXACTLY what I would say if I was way ahead….
Yours Truly – I haven’t much to say about my March goals. I hit them early and have been up and down since. April I hope to hit 212, the lowest I’ve been in 10 years….212 is just a short stop on the way to 205…and then who knows….
what says Suds? I tell you this Suds, before taking that photo I did a quick set on the bench, some high shrugs, and some curls….I pump up huge in 3 minutes…. big… no photo I take seems to do that justice….
My negativity towards myself is at a bit of a peak right now…sadly…I’m in great shape for a 40-year-old, and I can hardly stand to look in the mirror. Hopefully, April is kind to me. For my birthday, I am going to open the pool and keep it at a refreshing 80 degrees through April. Swim 100 laps a day in addition to what I already have on the go….I love to be neck deep.
The Quote of The Day
We’ll still be here when all this is gone. I’m so tired of proving you wrong.
-The Glorious Sons.
Today I will spend some time in the garage, spring has sprung, and I need to get the Cobra ready for paint.
A post like this, that I wrote over 14 hours….I consider deleting…do I really need to express this and embarrass myself? But I won’t….out this goes to the universe….
wtf…….Babe, I love your face.
