Monthly Archives: March 2014

Lost at poker again…I need a break…

Hit quads twice, both times paid off and still ended up down…

Wednesday Night Poker

I know there can be a certain amount of skill in poker…but at Beagles we cast that aside.

Mainly we play Omaha, if we have enough empty seats we play it with 6 cards tossing 2 after the flop… You will need a boat to win that pot…which is going to be more than $200…

If you think you can bet someone off a 1 out draw…you just created a $600 pot with 3 callers…

Sobriety has nothing to do with it…and that above folks is the game of skill…we play some pure games of luck and it can get expensive…

That’s not the greatest expense in my life though…I picked up the parts needed to get the cobra rolling again…fun doesn’t come cheap.

Let’s talk about weight…mine is up…painfully. I only ate a handful of peanuts at poker last night…for treats…I did have 2 bowls of chilli. No beans, pretty reasonable on the carb count. Plus 4 beers and 10 ish Ozees of The Glenrothes 95. All in all I’m pretty sure I was under 30 total carbs for the day…

Beagle and Parker aren’t budging. Skinny Fat Skinny Paul has lost weight since the beginning of this round of the man blog. He’s so skinny we didn’t even realize he was catching up but I’m told he was within 20 pounds of the

monster mass…He is down in the 210’s but I’ve noticed that Skinny Fat Skinny Paul has been doing a bit more late night snacking lately.

Maybe he lost a bit due to the helium diet…we shall see…

Skinny Fat Skinny Paul

Now I’m not sure he is on the helium diet…but if he is going to throw out numbesr like he claims to be at 214…a loss of 9 pounds…and I see him eating gummie worms and jujubes all night…he’ll have to start offering up a morning update.

I witnessed hit gobble a bowl of chilli, 14 gummie worms, 30 jujubes, half a large bag of all dressed chips…and 6 Coors Banquet.

You simply can’t have 2000 calories of the good stuff with 6 Banquets and expect to continue on as Skinny Fat Skinny Paul…

SKS Paul has an entirely different connotation if you remove a certain one of those S’s It’s the final day in paradise for the gbg today.

fly fly away

In my opinion Andy may want to use his own wings to get him home…I’m seeing some serious getting off the ground issues with that wee plane.

Kevin is drained after zip lining yesterday…I’m not sure that man has used his feet all week!

The resort simply couldn’t offer Arthur enough to stay on…if you want egg rolls you’ll have to see him at the Shoppers Drug Mart.

Vinnie…poor Vinnie…I hope that suit didn’t leave a mark… I await the scale report from Kevin tomorrow…

The Quote of the day:

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

-Hunter S. Thompson

We at the man blog are staunch supporters of Hunter…may he rest in peace. The beautiful wife says ice rain tonight…let’s hope not…we’ve had enough. Keep Cool, Stay Warm.

I’m back in the 230’s…weighing in at 239.8 this morning.

Outstanding considering I crushed an entire bag of mixed salad and a chicken breast at 9 pm. I guess if you’re going to stuff your face late it better be a bag of green stuff.

Poker tonight…I hope not to eat anything…once a single solid calorie touches my lips it will be over…I’ll be back on the sour patch kids.

Beagle…last I heard he was stuck at 195. His side kick car salesman Scott might want to put a call through to Jenny Craig while he still has the strength to lift the phone AND the immense girth of his own arm.

hunting face squirrel

You think he would stay thin…hunting for a fresh face squirrel for Jaime.

Here at the man blog we don’t do much hunting, but we do understand that a squirrel won’t last forever…freshness is not guaranteed.

Good luck with the hunt boys…and Jaime, get that furry bugger stuck on there before Scott gets his fat little fingers into it for a meal.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on my favourite news agency CNN.

Today’s topic, the not missing any more flight MH370…I’ll start with this, a lovely Saturday morning breakfast shortly after the plane went missing, CNN on the tele and a specialist comes on to say he believes a fire started on the plane, slowly taking out systems, the pilots went to 45000 hoping to put it out, then turned to come home but the planes system’s were hopelessly damaged and the plan would just fly pilotless until out of fuel.

This man and his boring ideas will never be seen on CNN again.

Some things we will discuss as possibilities…Zombie plane, Aliens and Black Holes.

Of Course!

This would be fine if they reported it on SNL, but this is actual news coverage folks. This is what’s wrong with our closest neighbors and potential allies.

Blinded by news…

Next up…the Dominican Republic. So nice and sunny…white ish sand…bottled water…all inclusive.

The boys seem to have survived another day. They took a wonderful zipline tour yesterday.

Andy Zips for free!

Looks like fun! I think Arthur may stay on at the resort, they are looking for a chef that can do haggis and egg rolls.

Andy doesn’t zip…no need…butterfly wings…

Kevin is looking slimmer…must be the liver failing…a sure way to lose fat. Paradise has almost come to an end for the lot…or has it?

The thing about vacation…you’re always missing something. A wife, child, parent, friend, pet, house… There is always something that falls short in paradise. Life is like that, it’s never as perfect as you’d like.

Same as above, something is going to be missed…and on top of that you could have a boss you hate, or an entire job…maybe you’re just fat…singing to the choir… Chunk has been in and out of paradise…he knows that some days you wish the sun was out at night, others that darkness would fall…

The Quote of the Day:

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere be- ing.

Carl Jung

Seems like it’s up to us kids…

The forecast says today is the last day the high will be a negative number for this spring…but maybe a bit of snow to remind us of how wonderful a winter can be.

The best thing about the sun…look at it…it’s impossible to squint without turning up a smile! And I love a good laugh.

Cheerio

Okay folks…I’m actually going to diet this week. I must.

My knee is so messed up this past couple of weeks I can’t walk without a limp and one of 50 steps brings me down when the thing cranks out some good pain.

The doc said I was too young for a knee replacement…not that I want one…maybe just having one leg would be better????

I must lose 30 pounds, that’s it. My knee will feel better then…and I start today. I really do! March 24, 2014—-> 242 Pounds

Let’s talk about international travel.

4 little monkeys jumping on the bed!

Regardless of where you stay in the Dominican it’s going to be all Inclusive…of course the quality of the food in the local prison is not likely as good as the resort…

…and the booze ain’t flowing…

Here is the result of the guys weekend in Peurto Plata where I hear they allow locals into the resort on Friday…sounds like fun.

I’m not saying these guys are trouble…but they wouldn’t have to look hard to find it…right Watford?!

Damn Vinnie…jumping on the bed. Kevin is trying to get a bit of rest man. Arthur isn’t wearing underwear under his kilt, a Scottish tradition I suppose…and in the Caribbean that wool can get swarthy.

Trafford…well that little butterfly is doing his thing…winning over Jail guards I’m guessing.

This weekend we were triple booked with 2 parties and a dinner. We opted for the dinner as it was with folks we hadn’t seen in a while and figured we’d be able to catch up on another event afterwards.

ZIZI’s for 4…a huge tab and no way of getting anywhere afterwards due to the consumption. and I’m not talking about tuberculosis…We are talking about the old Alcool….

Is that it? The end of ZIZI’s for a couple of weeks…sadly I think so…the delicious breads, potatoes and deserts that are important at ZIZI’s cannot be a part of my life for a couple weeks.

…I want to save my carbs for a few beers…it’s the time of year for beers, most times are…but the March-May corridor will be an important one for me this year…and no better way to self reflect than under the half comatose effects of alcohol.

At the man blog the guitar is going great…and now one of the kids is playing along with me which is perfection…

The quote of the day:

Let your mind go and your body will follow.

-LA Story

May the sun shine down on your face today and warm your soul…and may the god of meniscus smile upon me. Please god of knees…be kind…I promise to never use a short squat rack ever again.

Cheerio

Not sure what I did yesterday but I broke back into the 230’s. I hit the silver beast at 239.8 this morning…

of course I am trying to organize a feed frenzy at ZIZI’s tonight. That never ends well.

The boys…the beach

The above image must have been captured in Peurto Plata this morning.

Vinnie is wearing his normal pool suit…As is Arthur…you can always count on a Scot to bring a table cloth to the picnic…

Our dear friend Parker is catching some rays on the beach and Andy…the love butterfly…he is busy doing his thing..spreading love and happiness.

The economy of the Dominican Republic is not seeing a rise this week.

I grouted the tile last night…I hate grouting!  3 hours of misery with a sore neck and a never going to heal wrist.

So I do realize this is short and sweet…but it takes a long time to find the right interweb image… Another day!

Quote do Jour…a repeat for sure…one for the GBG:

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson

To all of you stuck here with me…they are calling for more snow this weekend…suicide is not the best option…hunker down!

Cheers

It isn’t weight…might as well be money!

I did not win at poker, I was up over 200 clams but there is no escape with money. After being awake for 19 hours I started to fade out…I mean you could still see me, no risk of that, but mentally.

And it isn’t a slow fade with a mind like mine. I donated and off I went home to bed.

Kamakaze diet

This morning I weighed in at 243.4 An absolute miracle.

I went to poker thinking I would not eat. I’d have 6 Michelob Ultra, a whopping 20 carbs. Hell I had saved up all week eating mainly protein.

So let’s see…20 carbs from 6 beers. Ricky Beiber brought egg salad sandwiches and meatballs.

Egg salad sandwiches on white bread…good old fashioned white bread from our childhood…that white fluffy bread doesn’t greet our kitchen often. I’m guessing Rick chef’d up 12 sandwiches…I ate no less than 6 of them…

Meatballs…I went easy on em…I had 7. Just 7? Well I was saving room for a family sized bag of chips, a large box of Mike and Ike, sour gummy worms, peanut M &M, honey roasted peanuts….I’m sure there was more…

The Kamakaze diet folks…go down in flames!

Hey…I’m not the only one…fat skinny Paul, Beagle, The M boys, and captain glaucoma were all digging in too.

Parker is flying south in T minus 12 hours…I had the credit card info punched in and just about to hit the buy button when I backed out…If it wasn’t the Dominican I might have been swayed…but I’ve almost been murdered there in the past…alone…trying to defend 4 drunken UKer’s against a swarthy bunch of Haitian’s wouldn’t be easy…

This lot needs the safe sanctuary of Cuba where it’s impossible to get killed…but no…

One of you will not be armed

My advice gentlemen…do not leave the resort without resort or tour staff from a reputable organization.

Never leave the resort at night regardless of who you are with…if the Prime Minister offers to bring you home for dinner…decline…politely.

The local girls on the beach at night are not lonely…the are NOT alone. be very cautious of your new friends…best not to make any.

There will be American’s here…you have UK accents…this means they hate you…

Lastly…use Kevin as a shield if possible…he weighs more than any 4 Dominicans that haven’t reach the MLB ( for you English that’s baseball…aka where a Dominican can put on 100 pounds in a season…naturally…wink wink)

I’m sure I’ll be missing a fabulous time, maybe next year.

I did order the parts to get the Cobra rolling again with the trip money…a fair exchange. The Quote of the day:

If there is a will there is a way. Dominican equivalent:

A buen hambre no hay pan duro -(When you are really hungry no bread is too hard to eat) Be safe guys…Parker…be good, if you can’t be good keep your chin in and your left high.

: )

Cheerio

The low carb meal plan…I hate to say diet because I’ve been stuffing the gob…low carb. I don’t mind the low carb…eat eat eat…meat meat meat.

The only real issue I have is that I’m addicted to bon bons. Suckers, chocolate bars, jujubes…I’m not picky.

Where’s the beef?

It’s not that I haven’t had carbs…I’ve had a few…but less than 50 a day…maybe less than 30. What have I had?

Chicken…beef…pork…turkey…

I have also had veg…a cup or 2 a day…but no bon bons. A single bon bon would put me over the carb count.

It’s a beautiful thing really…as long as you have less than 30 ish carbs a day you will lose weight. How much? Well…all of it.

It’s a sure way to a 6 pack…but you really must be in the zone…all that meat seems to drive me over the edge.

I’m always looking over it so it isn’t much of a shove.

Yep…abs are us…I’d have to stay at it for 6 months plus though…and if you kind readers could line up to see if you’re a good candidate for a donor kidney that would be nice to…that’s right…low carb diet’s are super hard on the kidneys…protein is…as is raw veg actually…there is no winning…

Well scotch I suppose…

Anyway…I’m at 241.6 today, poker tonight…that will require a few beers, Michelob Ultra at 2.6 carbs each. I’m good for 8 tall boys if I don’t eat a single carb all day. I could hit the carb bank and go for a run but I’ve been suffering from knee issues the past couple of days. A fat man’s problem.

Some things in my life are shiny and bright though…look here.

There is a god.

My dear friend beagle dressed up for work!

Honestly folks this is the real thing…this isn’t one of those questionable internet photos. I know…it seems unbelievable to me too. How is that platform supporting that man???!!

It’s like Will Farrell…suffering from a shellfish allergy after a trip to the Red Lobster…puffy…

Dear Beagle is trapped at 195. A great success in my opinion. Compared to the 3 ounces I’ve managed to stave off it’s down right amazing.

Parker flies out tomorrow…all inclusive…it won’t be pretty…

Well that’s it…let’s hope there is nothing good to eat at poker tonight…may the god of famine smile down upon me.

The Quote de Jour:

We overweight people, we say terrible things to ourselves. Oh, you wouldn’t believe it. ’You fat pig. How can you do this? You’re a disgusting jerk.’ And that gets you nowhere. That gets you right back into a bowl of pasta fregula.

Richard Simmons

Got to go…water’s boiling.

On the bright side…what’s 6-12 mm of snow today…then warmer…grass will grow on the planet again kids…

How did chubby know he would weigh in at 245 this frigid Monday morning? Is it mystical?

No…it’s hamburgers, fries and beer!

That’s right folks, 244.6 on the silver devil this morning…not bad really…considering.

Let’s see, while my wife was away I did lots productive. I tiled the kitchen and eat in area…I put granite to the ceiling on the fireplace…looks great. Hair Scott came over and pretty much finished the drywall…

Looks like this 6 month renovation is coming to a close kids!

The wife was away…the stove was unplugged…but the phone was working.                                                                                                                                                    I’ve had restaurant or take out food all weekend long…a case a beer and the better part of a bottle of rum with a side of a case of Pepsi…

That’s no way to diet.

Fawcett Hair

Chunk begins again today…try to keep the carbs down. All that protein is a killer, but it helps drop the pounds.

So here we have Scott 1 with his new hair style…honestly Farah’s hair hardly covers it.                                                                                                                                                    Hell of a drywaller though! Good thing too or my renovation would be into the next century.

Maybe a before and after (during) of the fireplace…

Here at the man blog we may not be good looking, smart, funny, fit, witty…hell I could go on and on…but we are handy!

So very close to being done the main floor…to recapturing the garage…

Parker is on the beer, that’s for sure. He flies off in just a couple of days and if he is willing to splash around making dolphins noises I think he may come back up money…it must be an easy $50 to swim with dolphins…Oh Oh…I feel I may have to dig up a manatee from the interweb.,…

Dances with Dolphins…

Disclaimer: found image…seems legit

Is that a Manatee or has that dolphin been on the man diet? The world is full of mystery.

Anyway…today I eat meat…I keep the carbs below 30…that leaves rooms for 4 michelob ultra and some broc. Sweet Baby Jesus…tiny little helpless sweetness…today I would like to lose a pound or 2…no big deal…thanks. The Quote of The Dayyyyyy:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield

That’s about enough…I really am going to punish myself today… Cheerio

I’ve had some meat…meat meat meat…

During the sugar detox it seems you can consume as many meat calories as you’d like and still lose weight. How is that even possible???

Let’s try to count it up shall we…

3 eggs and 3 slices of bacon –> 535 cals

coconut curry meatball soup (2 bowls) –> 1152 calories (coconut milk has tons of fat and calories) salad with a chicken breast –> 500 cals

Meat sticks (8 spicy mofos) –> 1600 cals Total cals is around 3700.

I wasn’t hungry for a second yesterday…if I felt like eating I ate…meat.

There are downfalls to the sugar detox…I haven’t had a schiezer is 2 days…that will require one of 2 things…fibre or as much meat as it takes to fill up the waste station………………………………………………………….. geez.

Anyway, good news…I’m at 239.4 this morning -3.5 pound in 2 days…

My friend the bovine

I like cows…tasty. I’ve never had a bad experience with a cow…I’ve had to milk hundreds of them, I’ve even seen mean cows…not mad cows, mean. but no mean cow ever did anything bad to me.

Outside of bacon. I never met a nice pig.

Just my experience, I’m sure pot belly owners everywhere are boiling… But bacon makes up for it…and pulled pork at poker, that’s okay too… So far so good, no sugar, no bread and no alcohol for 3 days.

At this point the sugar is the hardest…I love bon bons! Bread and booze are good too, don’t get me wrong, but right now I only hear the squeaky little voice of bon bons.

Did somebody say bon bons?

I learnt about the little voices when I quit smoking 15 years ago…seems like such a long time since I smoked…the cigs have a powerful voice and I had to listen to them for years and years.

Any of you considering quitting should pick up Alan Carr’s book on the topic, an easy read and addiction put a great way…

Anyway the little voices of bon bons have been calling. I sit here right now with a bottle of scotch beside me and I don’t hear a peep out of it…no calls from the cupboard for peanut butter on toast…

But upstairs…hidden away by a 4 year old…2 purple containers, one contains fruity mints with just 1 carb per and a roll of juicy gum…

These things mauk me…calling out to me in the evening…one mouth full of gum never hurt anybody…dirty purple packages…

I may have to buy some sugar free gum or a box of tic tacs to quell the monsters…I have been known to demolish mounds of gum at poker on nights that I’m not eating or drinking and I can swear right now that I intend to do this tomorrow night…or Thursday this week if it’s put off due to good Friday.

Another day another pound? Let’s hope… The quote of the day:

Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it. Hunter S. Thompson

You want to see this quote at work…stop by Wednesday night poker… Cold…snow…crap…

Stay warm…Be Cool.

Cheerio

What will today have in store for me other than a sore back? Likely not much!

I managed to tile 75 % of the kitchen yesterday…I had to leave a section unfinished for access, I’ll get to that today.

I also managed to have ZIZI’s again for dinner…back to back nights ouch…

I committed the mortal diet sin…Not only did I crush a delicious soup, amazing Zizi’s burger and desert…I managed a bottle of vino too. A huge dinner and alcohol…that is going to cost me!

Is the diet off? No…it’s having a short break….

I’m pretty sure none of us are at it right now…no reports from anyone…

Beagle was hard on the tracksuits poker Wednesday and out of luck too…Not sure what his Irish hat cost him but it didn’t seem good.

Out of luck…

Lucky no…but good lookin!

Parker is 6 days away from getting on the plane to the Dominican with a few of the soccer guys, otherwise known and the GBG…aka the goldenboys…

A few of their smiling faces have blessed the pages of the man blog…let’s get back to Kevin at the pool bar… So far signed up we have Andy, Vinnie, Arthur and Kevin.

Let’s imagine a 2 sided balance scale…If Kevin were on one side of it, and Andy, Vinnie and Arthur was on the other….

Well…be warned Sunwing…They’ll be flying in circles…

There is a slim chance I may still do this…I look at it every day. I also think about being at the pool bar with 4 of the drunkest people in the world…I’m not sure what condition I’d be in myself…and if I had to I think I could carry any of the lightweights back to their room…but it’s been a while since I leg pressed a honda civic…I’m not sure I could get Kevin onto my shoulder…

No Dandruff

Here at the man blog we do back Head and Shoulders…that and old spice… I guess we better back Capital Dodge too…they have the best hair.

If you are shopping for a Dodge, Jeep, Chrysler or Fiat…

Well head on over to the West end and enjoy the freak show….

No Pressure…

Now I know there have been some questionable images posted here at the man blog…but the one directly to the right.   —————————–>> >>>>

This image has NOT been altered in any way…

What??? Inhumane? No wait…you’re mistaken…he has not glued a squirrel onto his face… No need to call the SPCA here folks. all is good.

Well I better get to work. The Quote of the Day:

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. – Mariah Carey

I get it. Geez

Well kids…I did break down a shovel yesterday.. hopefully not again this year!

Cheerio.