2026
February
Standard

A little wine, a little pizza?

By Victor • On • In Family, Weight loss • 5 min read

I saw Brigida Aversa at the grocery store yesterday while Charlotte and I were picking up some last-minute things.
She gave me the best hug I’ve had in a very long time….it was really nice. I’ve been missing a lot…so many things…unrealized until you get a hug at the independent. How I’ve wasted my time…

Charlotte and I have been watching the juniors, the sens, shows, movies…she has moved upstairs…we are both really happy.

It’s 6:21 PM. Ave and her friend are getting into the sauna, Charlotte is in the bath after an hour of shooting and 2 hours on the ice…and I’m enjoying my first sip of red wine.
I haven’t been drinking much since Mel left. I had really cut back the last few months that she was here…I would sip on a beer while she finished a bottle of white wine….every night. Nearing the end, there were a few nights I didn’t even bother with the beer, let her drink alone.

She was done…I was too…we just hadn’t reached an agreement on it.

Tonight I opened one of my favorite bottles of wine, something I haven’t enjoyed in years. I still find it delicious, and it will be great with the pizza I’m going to stick in the Ooni shortly.
There are so many things I have let go of about myself.

This week I finished a book, I’m reading nightly…I’m reading throughout the day. I haven’t played a single game on my phone in 2 weeks…I haven’t scrolled mindlessly on the sofa while Mel yammers on and on…
I sleep on my side of the bed…like a rock…I hardly move. I can make the bed in 10 seconds when I wake up…

One of the positives of being with Mel. There were positive lessons.
….short pause while I made pizzas…I almost forgot the olives! geezus.

I have a collection of corks…In the past, I’ve cleaned the container out after a breakup, but 8 years…I’ll keep them. Facebook photos, no tags, but I don’t want to delete 8 years of my life. Some of those times were great.

…And now…The Weather…

Rod, who is the next contestant on your list?

Jeremy Gordon, Come on down!
Jeremy is in for the full punishment BUT he wants to gain weight!
This from Jeremy:

“Tequila fueled

🙂

Met Vic many years ago after returning to college. He was the brash and wise voice sitting a few steps behind me. We became friendly . We got through school and he invited me to golf with him and Duane who eventually hired me into what is the career that I’ve had for over 25 years. Vic was in my wedding party and rented a convertible that drove me and my bride around town when he couldn’t afford to do so I will never forget that. Fast-forward 20 years and out of nowhere, I had a massive brain tumor. Kicked the living shit on me. I was an active guy, pursuing my purple belt in Brazil jujutsu, loved hot yoga and all of a sudden I was in bed for a year after 35 sessions of radiation. I dropped a 160 from a reasonably fit 215. I prided myself In being a provider, a source of guidance and most importantly, a father. My kids struggled, of course they did. I was a moon faced invalid, they wanted to respect me, but this had shifted this world tremendously for them. I spent many days of that year thinking of all of the things that I would do when I would be capable again. I did a five daySaltantay trek to Machu Picchu one year later, walking up the stairs before that was a challenge. Since then, if I had a few setbacks, but no excuses. I’ll probably not be who I was, but I’m fucking determined to be who i can be. I am back in the gym, pushing tens and not 80s lol and somehow that is OK My goal is to the Camino de Santiago in a year, 500+ kilometres unguided.”

I want to point out at least 1 error, I certainly wasn’t wise…ever. I blame it on the Tequila.

We will get to the bottom of a few things here, Jeremy might have had regrets when he woke up the next morning…but there are some things to discuss.
Jeremy is taller than I am, 6’4″ 6’5″…so 160 would be thing. I believe he is now at 180…still thin…and looking for a push to get up there.

Jeremy mentioned a few things to me that I hope he will explore…here…

Further Jeremy’s rendition. I once lived on the Rideau River. Jeremy, Tim, Chris, and I would have the Fat Olympics. The most entertaining of which, I owned a 23 foot bow rider with a 5.3 inboard. Sure we could ski behind it half assedly…but we would try to wakeboard…..

3 x 250-pound guys in the boat and one 250-pounder pushing water behind…..each taking turns to try to pull the boat to the bottom.
We could fish!

Those were great days!

Jeremy had posted on FB that he would be in Cuba solo the 20-27…and I considered it hard….next time.

Krista, oh poor Krista. In the past few days she has offered these updates.

I’ve just asked her about the scale….

Russett and Krista are diet soulmates.

Slab – yesterday slab offered a 138 and was eating cookies at the time of the update. Her boyfriend is a tall, thin guy with the metabolism of a 16-year-old. Slab says she has trouble doing up a blouse.

I think the bf allows it.

TBag – offered multiple weigh-ins at 153.4, 149.6, and 150.2
She is talking about getting a new scale. Alternatively, she could just go with whatever number she gets on the first try and go again the next day. I know someone looking for a scale if you want to unload that one. TBag is going to try to get the fitness hula to me, and I’m hoping to squeeze it around Russett!

Russett – is in the midst of cooking for 18 visitors tonight. There will be pie.

Yours Truly – I am currently eating pizza between keystrokes, and enjoying red wine. I lifted today, Chest and tris, and I weighed in at 231.8.
231.8 might seem like a big number but I’m wearing my 220 jeans. Not only that, if I didn’t wear a belt, and I’m down 3 notches, I could slide them off without undoing them.
Something isn’t quite right. I guess I will see when I get into the 220s.
I am trying to get onto a TRT plan. I’m not sure how that will go, I’ve been lifting heavy and my Testosterone is probably on the rise, too high to be allowed TRT…but I am trying to do it.
If I do the TRT I will also take hcg to make sure I stay….balanced…and don’t make any long-term changes to my state.
Why? I have talked to lots of people taking diet pills…I know women doing hormone replacement in their 40s and 50s. Why not be 20 again. I’ve only been working out a week or 2, and I see results, but…it would be better….and I’m ok with sharing that…I want to be the absloute best version of me that I can be at this age…going on 55.

I had asked Jeremy for the Quote of the day, but he is too busy kneading bread…my guess…so here it is.

The Quote of The Day:
“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.” – James Taylor

The end
Standard

My Loved Ones…

By Victor • On • In Evelyn, Family, Weight loss • 3 min read

Rhiannon, Charlotte, and I spent Christmas at Syds. It was nice, we opened gifts together, Syd made us dinner…the first time any of my children has made me a meal.

I watched 2 football games, Love Actually, and Hard Love. Tonight…maybe Serendipity…maybe LA Story… maybe something else that makes me think of good times and bad.

As we pulled out of Toronto, Rhi and I had it out…she offered a few insults…I offered her a ride back to Syd’s. She is a hard-headed kid, and I’m in no mood for insults….I won’t have another…I will not.

Rhi is 25, I don’t have to treat her like a child anymore…and if that moment is meant to make me feel sad, have regrets…I’ve had my fill of that right now also.

I won’t have it.

Arrived home from Toronto and painted Charlotte’s new bedroom…First coat done anyway, ran out of paint. I’ll finish that tomorrow…and replace the solid P trap in the kitchen, full of countertop sealant I didn’t rinse on my way out to Syd’s.

Charlotte and I watched a movie and had Hot Pot, it is really nice to have some time with her…she deserves it…I deserve it.

I’m thinking about conversations I’ve had with guys I know, about wives…things looked good on the outside. I fooled myself into thinking things would work out…just a couple more years of Mel being stressed out, and then we would be on easy street.

I fooled myself into thinking she didn’t have other plans. She was constantly asking if I was going to stay once Charlotte hit post-secondary…I figured it would work out.

….it has worked out…

The Quote of The Day:

I’m a failure
I’m a fucking blackhole
I bought into a liar
And my future got sold – Matt Maeson

and now….The Weather

Krista has not purchased a scale

TBag! weighed in at 151.1….that’s up 3.5 pounds. Is that what we are doing here?
TBag says she is ready, she won this gift at the secret Santa today–

A weighted fitness hoop…..? lol
1…is that for hula hoop fitness? Is there a program for that? Does it come with a video?
2…very important…It says, ADJUSTABLE fitness hoop.

I have doubts. I just don’t see that item, as shown in the photo above…adjusting…in some way…to fit on my leg…..forget about russett…He uses the lotion to get into the pickup…

The one that shall remain unnamed….until a suitable nickname is provided….I can’t go with that…you know what…SLAB.
Slab in the newest contestant on Embarrass Yourself to Lose Weight, and another female…we need Seamus to show these ladies how to move real mass around.
Ok…Slab is a working-out kind of lady; she has not stopped working out for many years…many many…continuously since the age of 20! This is a photo of Slabs leg, just a few years ago…like…30 or 40 pounds of cake ago…

Slab is currently 138 pounds (pre-turkey) and is 5’3″ tall.

Russett…also pre-turkey. Says he is currently a low 242. He had a steak for dinner tonight, and this is his snack.

I was 230.4 when I arrived home from Toronto. I’ve drunk 1.5 litres of water and had hot pot with Charlotte for dinner….salty. I will be up tomorrow.
The 220’s are within reach before the new year.

In the years of the man blog, I don’t think I’ve been below 212-214. I might give it a go….I have a photo from just before Covid of Russett and me, he was under 200, and I was in the 2 teens…I think that might have been the leanest we have been. I’m lifting, though, and I plan on absolutely punishing myself under very heavy weight. I pushed just under 20k pounds on my last workout before TO. Managed 205 to fail on the bench after 60 lifts from 160-200. My goal is a full set of 250, 12 clean lifts, by my birthday in April. I’ll be a rock…
and to be fair and open….I’m trying to get on TRT. Not sure if they will let me, certainly tougher now that I’ve started lifting…but a little boost to set up my 55th birthday would be nice.

Thanks to all my loved ones…. without you…good or bad…I would have been in the hole long ago.

The end
Standard

Merry Christmas.

By Victor • On • In Evelyn, Family, Weight loss • 3 min read

I have been rebuilding the man blog, uploading the old posts, 1 or 2 a day.
It’s January of 2014, and all talk about dieting and eating eggrolls, so much fun.

….Ev is alive….

In January of 2014, I can remember what we were doing, the conversations we had. Oddly, it’s like I didn’t have a memory the past few years, I had shut myself off…

Back then, Ev was trying to figure out what was off, why she wasn’t feeling right. We would remove garlic, add garlic, stop eating wheat, eat whole wheat, almond flour…was it the water, was something in the air…she just couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

She didn’t tell me her symptoms; she would just say something wasn’t right. It would be a few months before she had a bit of a breakdown…I’m not sure I mentioned it in the man blog, but I remember it like it was yesterday.
We shall see as I continue to upload the old posts, and maybe I will reference those in the now.

What’s up here, countertops sealed, sadly leaving the house a disaster for 24 hours while they dry. All carpets cleaned, good productive holidays!

Although I have a perfectly good job I’m going to need more, I’ve been applying a bit to see if I get any bites. Does anyone need work done, renos? I need to be busy! Hopefully, this cabinet business takes off. I think we have a 40-unit apartment building in the pipe, which will certainly take care of things, but that is 6 months to a year away.

The Quote of The Day:
No one is too busy to tell you how busy they are.

Keeping busy is keeping me sane these days.

Krista is impressed with the body I’ve given her. I think she is eyeballing the package. (So is Deonn)

Russett claims he will be in the 230’s in the next few days. hmmm….no xmas cookies?
Tbag is down from 150.6 to 148, Krista…she has a scale!…walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes, doing crunches and cutting sugar (a little) —-this is a quote….Her goal is 139 by February 8th.
Ahh….Krista…the goal is a bit better defined here.

Ok

Tbag—-5’5″—-148

Krista—-5’7″—-165 (she thinks, I think I’m an astronaut!)
Russett—5’6″—-230+ (using projections)

Victor—6’2″—-234

(I’m not sure about the spacing on this WP theme, will figure it out)

Just to be clear, for at least the past 6 months, I have been told I’m fat no less than once per week. I guess that’s over with. I may weigh 234 today, but yesterday I was wearing my 220 pants.
What are 220 pants? I have clothes kicking around from when I was thinner, and I have 240+, 230+, 220+, and under 220 clothes.

….I just ran upstairs to my skinny clothes closet….I tried on a selection of sub-220 pants….I fit into every pair….

I don’t quite get it, but my guess is I have some visceral fat, slow to go…Or maybe I’m more muscular than I would be in the past…dieting, from working construction.
I am fairly big boned, I believe.

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty good about myself right now, and I hope to get to a really healthy place, live another 20 years! I have a new blood rec and will do that after the xmas holidays. I’m drinking less in a week than I have in many past nights, way less.

Also, I’m exploring being alone…probably for the first time in my life…I need to do this for a bit. I think I can have some female companionship without having some female companionship…if you know what I mean. Have friends, but be alone for a bit.
I think Mel was a parachute, and I don’t want to do that again. I want to enjoy being by myself before I get into it with another woman….sadly…painfully…I think it’s better for me and whoever I share my life with later.

Wow…squirrel.
After writing the man blog on the 22nd, which is posted as the 23rd…I think I have my timezone wrong…I took this fabulous photo to show off how good I was going to be about eating.

I did eat that celery, along with 4 butter tarts……and a rice crispy square….

And now for the grand finale!

I wish I could tell you I threw the treats out….but I’m still 234!


I’m going to go lift weights now, then onto my Christmas plans. I’ll see you all on the 26th.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Be kind to a stranger; it will make your day!

The end
Standard

The Band is Back Together!

By Victor • On • In Weight loss • 2 min read

Big day, huge, but not as huge as last night’s breaking news, that and the weather a little later.
I have successfully organized a bedroom for Charlotte upstairs, less a mattress that amazon dropped the ball on.
I managed to get my other weight machine, great for pulling exercises, upstairs…a little later than I wanted, so I pull tomorrow.

I struggled with an Amazon blink video doorbell…for days. I ordered one of these very affordable doorbells and tried to get it to connect. Negative…running a 2.4 ghz wifi network…negative. Get a blink sync block…negative…try another sync block….negative…order a dedicated 2.4ghz extender…nada… fiddle, mess with, read forums, contact tech support, read articles, try this, attempt that…

…negative….

So I figure I’ll try an Arlo camera…I currently have a pile of blink related boxes awaiting an intelcom pickup for return and while I fumble around my desk for a tool to open the arlo box I consider the time I’ve wasted on this frigin doorbell…I haven’t even had a doorbell for the last 15 years.

I ease the arlo out of the box, download the arlo app…take a deep breath… and the arlo is working.

Do not buy an Amazon Blink home security product unless you are looking to catch up to me on grey hair!

What else….I dropped Charlotte and Rhi to meet Syd in Brockville. I will catch up with them on Christmas. A few quiet days to continue getting this house how I want it.
Syd asked me if I wanted some treats…. I told her I was on a diet…diet be damned, she thinks as she hands me this….not a single bit of this has entered the old yap yet.

I’m a sucker for a good butter tart!

While dropping off the kids I stopped at an old friend of mine from BVegas. She said the way I was talking she expected me to be 400 pounds!
I guess I wear mid 230s ok.
It was great to catch up.

And now……the weather.

The Quote of the Day.
One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic.– The Blues Brothers

The band is back together! Krista is ready to throw down and join the 2026 battle of the Bulge. Krista has started a new job, and it seems every single person reporting to her, and her boss is an ultramarathoner. She has to meet them in person in a month and wants to tighten up a few spots. Krista believes she weighs around 165…she currently does not own a scale.

Isn’t that convenient

Choices…..The ice cream is on sale….although still more than that gorgeous pink scale.

ultramarathoner….hell…russett once went non-stop Seinfeld beginning to end. One case of Doritos and 3 24s of Pepsi….and ready to do it again anyday!

Seamus is laying super low….it took years for any search of his name not to present a man blog photo. Time to make him famous!

Deonn, sorry for dragging you into this. I realize now that the post photo is too damn Zexy for you to look away. Back to the meat locker, bud.

Russett starts on January second? Can I see the 220’s by then? I’m up right now….creatine…makes me gain 5 pounds…oh well.

Until next time…say hello to a stranger tomorrow, share that smile.

The end
Standard

In our Obscurity…

By Victor • On • In Evelyn, Family, Weight loss • 3 min read

What did I get up to today, let’s see.
The washer…I fixed that yesterday…or did I? No, leaked. Tore it apart and fixed it again…leaked.

Third time was a charm, the washer is good to go…and holy smokes I own a lot of towels. Geezus, the towels never end around here. Last load of that is in the dryer.

I had hoped to bag up some stuff in Mel’s kids rooms, she left a lot behind, but I didn’t have time.

Instead, I fixed the washer, went to Charlotte’s hockey game, then to Michaels for pipe cleaners so Charlotte could make flowers. After that…ah…shawarma platter, then….hmmm…..ahhhh…I guess I worked out.

The past few days I have had a lot of old friends touch base with me. I realize that many of us have…moments…that hold us back, hurt us, things we keep to ourselves. We try to live with situations that we don’t deserve. Some of these things are out of our control… an illness, losing a loved one, a disability…the things we can’t control, control us.

I have been trying to bring back my old man blog posts, long deleted. I started reading from my last posts back….those were posts about the first 6 months of my relationship with Mel. We had some really great times, we did big things….she saved me from myself. The man blog may have shown me doing well, I haven’t reread it yet to contemplate the perception…but the truth was I spent those first few years falling deeper and deeper into depression. Drinking way too much. I tried to make an entire world for myself at home so I would never have to leave….and then I met Mel, and she forced me out of the house, made me get healthier.

There was another side…right from the start…Mel had suffered a concussion and was medicated, I’m not sure what she was taking but she wasn’t supposed to drink at all on this medication…but she did. She would get black out drunk….get crazy…insult me terribly…. Back then she would apologize, blame her father. She beat the hell out of me on a few occasions….I was no angel either, still in contact with a couple of girls I had relationships with, and of course, she wasn’t happy about that. There was also Ev…jealous of my dead wife…she made me this person…the person she spent that time with….

At some point, she stopped the medication, and things got better.

After some time I got better also…I stopped caring, so I stopped responding to her arguing and insults. I would still fight, though, trying to get her out of here once every 6 months if she didn’t speak to Charlotte…but she wouldn’t go….and I wouldn’t push hard enough.

Now neither of us cares, and we are both certainly better for it.

I won’t speak to the things people have connected with me on this week directly….but many of us share despair….death….abuse. Many of us have stayed too long, taken too much, lost more than we dreamt was possible.

And here we all are, holding each other up. Thank you.

This now hangs when you walk in my front door. Ev is gone, and I’m not that person anymore, but anyone who comes to my home, and me everytime I walk in the door, should reflect on the good and bad of what Ev and I had, and the loss I learned to fill when she left. She is not coming back…she will never love my face again……………….

Richard DB reached out today! So good to hear from him. Richard, Paul, and I had some good times when we were a bit younger; it really made me think back and smile.

I’ve heard from such positive people recently, and it elevates the positivity I feel for myself…it’s great, really great. My space is really good, and that means the space of the ones I love around me is great!

And now the weather…

The Quote of the Day:

In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us. – Carl Sagan

I lifted weights tonight. I did pretty well, started low doing some warmup bench at 80 pounds and worked my way up 20 pounds at a time, 12 reps, all the way to 200. Then incline and a few tricep reps. Probably will regret that for the next couple of days.

I am going to be the best version of myself for the rest of my life. After I lifted, I hit the sauna, terribly unused for many years. That was so relaxing.

I can not wait until spring. I figure by June I will be in good shape….for a then 55-year-old. 55 this April, geez.

Tbag is down half a pound…you heard it here, folks…. point five.
Russett says the holidays are not a good time to diet. He is going to demolish as much turkey and vodka redbull as possible before the new year so he can put up some great numbers. I tried to get an update from Seamus….probably trying to break into the grocery store. I checked in with Krista…hoping she is trying to drop a few pounds…her facebook looks a bit slim though.

Anyone want to be publicly humiliated in the name of science? On a diet and want everyone to know…touch base!

The end
Standard

Know Your Audience!

By Victor • On • In Family, Weight loss • 3 min read

I don’t want to make this man blog about Mel, I want to talk about trying to get healthy, my life, my kids, the good…the bad…and the ugly…

Well, shit, Mel’s brother Deonn contacted me today to call me a bitch and inform me that I was a loser…and I accepted it. I told him we were all entitled to our opinions. I also corrected his use of “your a loser”
The thing here is this…I don’t sit here and write this man blog because I care about what someone’s opinion of me is…. Deonn, bud, if you knew me even a bit, you might realize this.

First, we will address the fact that an insult was made. I excuse you for this. Mel talks, I mean, really talks. A few drinks and she is not going to stop talking, she talks about every single thing that she can remember…that includes you Deonn. A typical evening, I make dinner, hopefully something nice from Goodfood, if not, I come up with something. Mel used to sit on the sofa and watch TV, but for the past 6 months she has just stayed up in our room and watches there. Ya, she might have a couple of drinks before dinner. A bourbon, 2 maybe, they may be double, triples….half a bottle of white wine perhaps, pre-dinner. She would be ready to talk.

Call her down to eat, I’ve already made an entire round of dinner for the kids…and the dishes, if Mel loaded the dishwasher, I would know…anyway, put on a show and eat. Whatever is on, good luck watching it. Mel is going to talk non-stop through it. You won’t have to answer any questions; the occasional nod and uh-huh will do.

Now, if some part of the plot is getting going and you should want to hear what the hell is going on…my advice… don’t hit pause. If you hit pause, or look annoyed, or if she even senses that you are annoyed, well, let the insults fly. Fat, lazy, useless…top that off with some loud insults towards Charlotte sleeping directly below us……..forced to take a room in the basement because Mel wouldn’t have her 2 kids that are here 50% have any less than 100% of everything. Lately, I’ve just been going to bed when that starts. If the talking wasn’t bad enough, let her talk while she tells you what you are feeling. I can’t remember the last time I was able to feel anything openly without being told what that feeling was going to be….

Does that sound crazy? I lived that.

Thats over now. The house is so much better. I love it. I’ve been organizing and cleaning, new sofa set up, I have a to-do list on the go, fixing the washer tonight before Charlotte and I watch the Jake Paul fight, hopefully Ave will be home from work to join us. I have paint, trim, flooring…hell, I have a list!

Where was I…geez…the insults. Yes, Mel told me she couldn’t help but insult me. She was brought up in a home where her father insulted her mother constantly. She told me their life was all about a good fight, her dad was terribly jealous, and hey, he is like 5’8″, and she is 5’11”, his ego couldn’t handle it.

Therapy can get you past these things, of course, if Mel went to therapy, she would probably want to explore why everyone else in her life is underperforming….so funny.

So I forgive the fact that you, Deonn, cast an insult; you need therapy also, I think you were successful in rehab? I’ve heard some terrible stories about your childhood….but a little therapy might help you learn to be a better person. I’m far from perfect, but in the past 24 months, I’ve spent time with 2 therapists, and I know a little more about what makes me tick, I see some of my faults, and I have the tools to be better. And I could use plenty more therapy, plenty more…

Now, to address the actual insult.

“B1tch”.

I have to assume you are using it in the jailhouse slang sort of way. Let’s explore that.
Good old AI offers this: In jail slang, “b1tch” is a deeply derogatory term for a male prisoner who is seen as effeminate, weak, submissive, or who is forced into a subservient sexual role. 

Edited—just in case. One of us has never been anyone’s b1tch.

And now, the weather.

Seamus called yesterday to check in on my mental state, which is pretty good, I mean… it’s really good!
He is DOWN to 290 pounds, from god knows where. Hell I heard from a friend of mine down 60 pounds!

Frig, if Russet lost 60 pounds…..

The Quote of the Day:

You gotta move – Gino Vinneli

Until next time, chuck all your worries.

The end
Standard

The Man Blog Survivor Series

By Victor • On • In Evelyn, Family, Weight loss • 5 min read

Ok…where were we….

December 17, 2025. This is the first 17/12 I’ve been able to feel for many years.
What have I learned? I appreciate a made bed. I want touch…the way Ev would touch, a push while sitting on the sofa, a hand on me while I drove, to be pulled hard for hugs throughout the day. I wouldn’t mind a day of the week that could be a bit more about me…a half day…and hour? How about 1 day I don’t make dinner, the all-inclusive vacation was next level for me, not taking care of everything.

What did I settle for? It was good at first. She was great sober…me too, to be fair. We had some fun, a few fights, and things settled in. Some great years together, really good years….almost good….

There were always insults, towards me, towards Charlotte…she hated Charlotte. My ex-girlfriend didn’t say a single word to Charlotte for about 5 years. How did I put up with that?!? I didn’t, I asked her to leave 20 times…she wouldn’t. She would badger me, insult me, and blame me for some invented wrong, but she would never change, and she never, once, apologized for anything.

But she will tell you she said sorry, but she didn’t. She would use the term ‘gaslighting’ constantly to deflect attention from her own gaslighting.

She said 100 words to every 5 I said for the past 8 years.
I had enough. I packed her up….

She would not allow me to miss Ev. I was not permitted to grieve, not reminisce. I took down photos, I locked down emotions, and I quietly absorbed her insults towards Ev if her name ever came up.

Now Mel is gone after training me how to let go, not miss, not reminisce…gone.

Ev was something Mel could never be. Not because I loved her bigger, because Ev was bigger. I wasn’t expecting Mel to be like Ev. It’s not that I don’t think there are other people like Ev, there are plenty, everywhere. It’s just that Mel wasn’t one of them.

And now, the weather….

Russett hit an all-time high of 258 pounds, the exact same weight I maxed out at way back in March. Hey, I’m 8 inches taller, but same same.

Russet 245

Tonight, Russett is down to 245. He says he doesn’t want to be included in the man blog until the New Year, so pretend you didn’t see the above photo.

I hit a low of 235 this week

.

The guys were picking on me that I need a tan, time to hit the beach, or the slopes…the slopes might be more affordable right now…we will discuss that another day.

258 pounds. I did blood work about a year ago, and the doctor told me my cholesterol and blood pressure were off the charts. She informed me I was at a serious risk of a heart attack and/or stroke. I took action! Cut out butter, way less ice cream, less red meat…and 6 months later, I did blood work.

My cholesterol was up! Doc told me I have a gene that makes me have higher cholesterol and started me on medication…. said I should have been taking this for years.

….oh shit….medication…why do I do this to myself? The Man Blog. I’ll try to circle back to medication.

So, I talk to a buddy of mine who has a construction company and start working part-time. I still have to get the kids ready for sports after school, make dinner by 4 pm, sort of thing, so Mel can come home, grab and go. Anyway, I needed to be more active, and what better way than carrying a tool pouch and being on my feet all day. That was 258, I’m in the 230’s now.
I worked with Scott when I first met Ev, I used to do weighted chinups while the guys went on smoke break. Scott teased me about those yesterday and I pumped out 2 on the spot, and more today. I may be a little chubbier than I’d like, but I can still chinup 235 and 20 pounds of tools, and twice is just a start.

This weekend I’m setting up a gym on the main floor. I’m going to be the best me I can be at 54 years old, and then 55, and then…

I haven’t had time to worry about myself. Before I started working, I served Mel breakfast in bed almost daily, got Charlotte ready and to school, picked all the kids up after school (on the days Mel’s ex had the kids they still came here after, I watched them until he picked them up after work, and fed them), made them dinner, took Charlotte to sports while mel took her kids to sports. After, I would make us dinner while Mel unwound on the sofa. After dinner, I would rub her feet, lol, seriously, I tried to care for her, hoping she would be better to us.

She would normally have a few drinks….which was okay…sometimes a few more…which wasn’t. These are the nights, twice a week for 8 years, when she would insult me, Ev, Charlotte, maybe a smack if it was an extra great day. This past year, I had enough and would just go to bed; most days, she would let me sleep, some days she would come up and insult me and Charlotte a bit more. Loud enough that everyone in the house could hear…. including Charlotte.

I tried to get her to move out many times….she wouldn’t. This time she was getting ready, I think she was getting close to, and now it’s done. Done, packed everything up in garbage bags, and got her out before she could change my mind, insulting me the entire time. She told me she was wishing I would just die….which is a strange thing to say to a man who considered digging a hole beside his wife and getting into it….not now! Not over this. What an escape!

So what else….medication…for years I’ve been trying to tell people that I’m shy, I have anxiety…they laugh me off…comical. Well, about 2 years ago, I started taking medication for anxiety. OMG, it has made me so much better, you would have to know me and spend time to realize it…ahhhh…I’m better.

I’ve done another round of therapy, discovered a bit more about myself, and I’m ready to have even better tomorrows.

So where are we?

I think Russett and I are going to have an old-fashioned weight-loss challenge. He said he is aiming for 200 pounds! I don’t know, bud. I watched you eat a few slices of pizza tonight, and you seemed happy with them. Sadly, I ate 2 slices while waiting for Charlotte at her hockey xmas party. And dinner….But I think I’m still negative calories on the day.

And as always, an open invitation to anyone looking to be embarrassed into losing weight. I’ll need the plan, weekly photos, and a personal comment.

The Quote of the Day:
Things could be different
That’d be a shame ’cause
I’m the one who can feel the sun
Right in the pouring rain

And that is the return of the man blog.

oh wait! lol. Ave is back home! It’s so great, Charlotte, Ave, and I have been hanging out on the sofa at night, watching shows.

OMG, it’s heaven.

I hope to get all the old posts back up over the Christmas holidays.
And that…..is the man blog.

I love your face.

Thanks today to many people, Malcolm Pool, Nichola. I spent little time with these 2 and they are my friends forever. Heather Harper, Kym Harris, Maureen and Jeff, Yvetter, Mandy, Lori, Shelley, Catherine, Ash, Graziella, Fei, Angie, Joseph Henri, Melanie, Lindsay, Dee, Karen, Theresa, Shannon, Krista, Megan, June, Nicole, Kyle, Jeremy, Julie, Tiffani, Megan, JocelynnMark, Brigida, Naomi, James, Trudy, Liz, Ethan, Jennifer, PJ, Kathryn, Brigitte, and Cheryl, Parker and Paul and the poker guys, Liz….

Almost, if I hadn’t been turned to stone, I would have cried….But I can’t handle another insult just yet.

I’ve been here before, Mel was a lot like my mother, I will get better.

The end