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I burnt dinner last night and it didn’t take a whole lot of arm twisting to sign me up for another small burrito. Painfully eaten late, 7 pm dinner. Which is killer on the scale in the morning, I’m at 232.8 pounds right now… meh…

Also skipped yesterday’s 5 kilometres, it’s going to happen this morning, shortly…

Beagle did a weigh in yesterday to let me know he hasn’t been putting on pounds…

It seems like a lot of work, preparing to get on the scale over at Beagles house…now there is a chance this isn’t happening…but visually, it seems likely. Filling up all those balloons before getting on the scale…

He claims 204.5 pounds.

This is an amazing thing…I witnessed him consume 13 track suits, a Mega sized bag of doritos, a sleeve of chocolate chip cookies, a bag of sour kids, 18 oven backed nachos, and 2 sloppy joes on Wednesday night…that is 7000 calories not including the booze…let’s call it 9000 just to be safe…

Parker sent an invitation to head out for an 8:30 pint last night…something I do miss…but after a 7 pm dinner I’ll just be converting perfectly usable calories into fat if I follow it up with a beer…

That can’t happen this week, no beer near food…must get into the 220’s…must…get…there…

The beer diet can work, with likely better end results than the helium diet…but neither can include the fat cocktail of food and alcohol…that would be too easy and it’s a choice that skinny men everywhere have had to make.

I wonder which is cheaper? Beagle, how much is helium?

During my 8 km run on Wednesday I was thinking about a guy I know that is currently working out a local gym with the help of one of their personal trainers…for the sake of the post we will refer to this guy as Andy so that we don’t have to think of him as this or that guy…

Anyway, about Andy…an active, retired guy, lots of time on his hands…tall guy…tall like Beagle…taller than a 12 year old…this is good because he works out at the local gym which is convenient for anyone under 5’8…think equipment for shorter people…

So…Andy enjoys his personal trainer, a level 1 CanFit Pro instructor…he pays this guy maybe $75 an hour to watch him work out and assist him, drive him…what have you.

I understand the need for a little motivation…

A kick start towards your goal to get better, stronger, faster…but kids…become a personal trainer! In 3 short days, the course of a weekend, you too can become a certified fitness professional!

Want to yell at fat people? Help old men get fit? Work with sweaty beauties every day?

Take a course. There are many 1 to 3 day options for your enjoyment. CanFit Pro, Crossfit, Spin…whatever suits your fancy… Get your Certificate today! Join the greatest scam of all time…making people believe that you know more than they can learn in a few hours of reading on the internet…

I’ve been through this fitness scandal before…but deaf ears I’ve mouthed off to a few. If you must pay a trainer, look for the trainer with the highest level of certification backed by a University education. They exist, they aren’t just going to put you through ’the moves’.

Maybe Andy will take a cert program at some point….maybe then he can post random crap regarding our health…sort of like I am right now…

But I’m not asking for your money…this is all free folks! Save your pennies for Helium and Beer! The Quote of the Day:

My mom was such a strong character. I don’t want to say she was like a man, but she was tough. Lance Armstrong

Hey…he said it not me…

I often wonder what I’d look like today if I had done steroids for the past 10 years…likely tiny bools… Sunny…warm…humid…maybe? It’s 4 am so I’m guessing.

Cheerio

Le me start today off with another review, yesterday’s review of quest chips might have been unfair. Mainly due to the flavour, the salt flavoured ones aren’t fab in any way….

But the BBQ Quest protein chips which arrived at my doorstep a day later… they aren’t bad.

On the BBQ chips Quest has it figured out, put enough flavour on the chip to ensure that the fading texture of the chip is not the only thing on your mind. As I noted yesterday, the salt flavoured option has possibly 7 grains of salt in the entire bag…

Or I got a bad bag. maybe I’ll try another later today.

Anyway, at 21 grams of protein, the bbq quest chips are pretty good for anyone trying to restrict carbs, plus

they are gluten and soy free.

So…poker night last night. I managed to get out of there at 1:30 am, not bad. And with a bit of the cashola in my pocket.

I did not eat a thing… agonizing. I did consume 7 beers in the 7 hours of playing. Coors light, not the heaviest of beers.

And the Silver Beast? A new low 232.2 pounds. The beer diet works!

That and maybe the 8 km I ran yesterday. I only have to run 5 kilometres today, sprints….baby Jesus, tiny lit- tle swaddled baby jesus, baby jesus in a manger with goats, a donkey and a camel……………………………………………………………………………………………… please allow me not to have a

heart attack…

There. another thing off the list.

Beagle  proclaimed  yesterday  that  he  is  unable  to  motivate  himself  to  lose  weight  at  this  time.

Well let me try to assist here kind sir…

Beagle claims to be at 205 but I don’t see it…I hate to say it buddy but the 10 cokes you had yesterday may have laid on some additional pounds.

Might be better to practice the Beer diet at work.

I’m not saying you don’t look good…you look John Candy good…you look Chris Farley good…

Hey…we aren’t getting any younger kids.    There are times while I’m running down the road when the pain starts to creep up on the left side of my chest…I’m fat and I’m chugging 230 plus pounds down the road. the heart is

taking a beating.

But I’d rather die trying than stroke out of it sipping a coke…no offence there stretch…take my advice, we eat too much…it’s that simply. No need to kill yourself running, and it’s tough not to eat 12 egg rolls, I know………………………………………………………………………………………………………. but how

the hell are we going to look if we survive to see 50?

Okay, I’ve seriously abused Beagle enough for one day.. let’s move it along.

Allow me to talk about how much food many of us grown men consume.

TOO MUCH! That’s why I’m fat. It isn’t the beer. A man can drink a few beers here and there without packing on pounds. It’s the consumption of massive amounts of food! Too much buddy, too much…

Wow, super abusive…I almost feel bad…wait..what is that? Almost…

Hey, I’ve been fat for 5 years now, and I may very well fall off this attempt at ’dieting’ aka, eating better, like I have 986 other days I’ve tried to get my gobble gobble back under control.

I’m a food addict. But I’m getting better… Quote of the Day, a favourite of mine:

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson

A wise man, a prophet.

Looks like a good day, they are getting shorter, get out there and enjoy that sunshine! Sorry Beagle….fat bastard…

Cheerio

5 km of pavement pounding yesterday did nothing for the bottom line, which is currently at 235 pounds. You’d think all this running would have a more positive effect…

Ya ya…well it is, I was a bit heavier yesterday, decimal places, today I’m 235 even.

Today I have to pound out 8 km and tomorrow another 5! The 8 won’t be too bad but the 5’s suck…

Why? Speed work you see…

• km split up into 100m dashes…the agony!

run 100 meters, to the edge of death, break 60 seconds, run 100 meters again, and repeat until you cry blood or you accumulate 5 km, which ever comes first…

So far that hasn’t been too bad, it is only 5 k, but soon those 5 k’s are gone and become 7’s, 8’s, 10’s. 10 km of speed work is really going to suck…

I wish, baby jesus, tiny little fat baby jesus, that my wife decides this marathon training wasn’t for her and goes back to the fitness competition…there we can go to the gym every day and lift weights, workout the easy way rather than try to kill ourselves on the black top.

Now, I’ve done some hard workouts in my life, high rep, fast, no break, out of breath rep max…but it’s gravy easy for a big guy in comparison to pounding pavement…the slow death.

If anyone tells you different, they are cyclists… A review perhaps…why not. Quest chips.

Before ordering up these babies I did take the time to read and view a couple of reviews… Lies….

Now if you were on a strict low carb diet and NEEDED to have chips….

I mean if you really needed to have the salty crunch of a chip and wanted to enjoy the subtle salty fried potato chip taste….

THESE ARE NOT FOR YOU!

If you’d like the recipe for these chips here it is…

1. go out to the garage and dump the empties out of a case of beer

• take the empty cardboard case, cut it open and lay flat on floor

• pour milk over cardboard to saturate and sprinkle a healthy load of flavourless protein powder, enough to get you to 21g of protein per serving. (this should soak into wet cardboard)

• take 7 grains of salt, distribute as you please.

• Let dry in hot sun

• break up into octagon type shapes and consume.

Sound good? Enjoy.

Yesterday I did manage to eat a bit of fast food, the wife wanted a mucho burrito so I crushed a small one…I would normally get the mega sized portion and smother it but not this time…it was sub 1000 calories for sure.

Well Beagle saw that Parker started training when he read yesterday’s Man Blog. In the spirit of competition he has taken up a training plan of his own.

This is going to be quite the competition.

I see that Beagle is taking this very seriously.

This is a super skinny panel to write random idiocy in so I’ll just babble for a moment… There, that about does it…

That Beagle is doing hill sprints…he’ll be the skinniest one of us soon Parker, you better boogie it up!

Poker Wednesday….should I go? The pain. If I do it will have to be an early night, home at midnight…without beer possibly…I have to get the pounds back on track…

We will see….

The Quote of the Day:

People should stop poking fun at other people and worry about themselves. Pauly Shore

Does that quote stand? I may have to download Encino Man…

I’m not running until 10 am the wife says, in the sweltering heat, SOB…and I only have to sprint 3 miles out of the 5…

Hot out…if you see a fat man laying on the side of the road…please stop and get me… Cheers

Change up of date format…just because I’d hate to write my diet as day 876…that will seem like a hard row to hoe. So day 5 of the second month.

And hard it’s been…running on Sunday in 30 degree heat, high noon, was no fun. The plan was to go 7 miles but only

5.5 were accomplished before it was time to have a wee walk…

We are the only idiots out running at noon, all the other half wits run early morning on the Sahara days of summer.

Anyway, another run done, and today only 3 miles are on the docket…speed work…damn sprints.

I rather sprint 5 km’s than run 10 plus…I should quote all my distances in kilometres, Beagle says using miles makes it sound weak…10 miles doesn’t sound too bad but 16 km is killer…so kilos it will be, but prepare yourself for many decimal places.

We picked up a Nike + sportwatch this weekend, both our garmins decided to quit and at $150 we thought it was a good buy.

Nice looking watch I wouldn’t be ashamed of wearing around and seems to work as good as the garmin.

So, the nitty gritty, the silver monster…I stepped onto the beast at 235 this morning, I accept that I have put on a bit of weight this morning, I ate a bit of junk yesterday…I did…

Actually the past 4 or 5 days haven’t been stellar, I’ve had Indian food and left over Indian food. The stuff they are pumping out of the kitchen at Karara is very good, those somosas aren’t very diet friendly but I have been known to put back a few…

With butter chicken, saag beef and veg korma…a bit of the old naan and some rice…No carbs in that???

I also had a beer yesterday at golf, and nachos at the movie theatre…hey, everyone needs a break. I likely didn’t need the noon hour beer but it was golf. The man diet sure has cut down on my beer consumption this time around, outside of poker nights I’ve been at Zero alcohol…

Well, I’m only at day 2.5, this month I hope to lose 10 pounds from this point, so 225 is my goal in 25 days. No problem…I hope.

For your viewing pleasure I am adding the following short video of Parker doing his morning exercises…

I’m not sure how many calories he is burning while performing these moves but I can guarantee you he dropped a pound squishing himself into that outfit.

Way to work it Parker…

I almost posted a dance off between Parker and Beagle but I feel I’ve done enough for Beagle this week…

The wife and I saved seats for the Beagle’s at the theatre and when I saw them enter I may have called out “Up here Fatty”…

There is no embarrassment in our man size…maybe…I’m pretty sure… The Quote of the Day:

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.

Muhammad Ali

Never stop dancing Parker! Cheerio