Well…does it?
We have a couple things to consider…”Everything”…and “Reason”…
Everything is quick, so let’s start there…everything…like the universe? The universe has a plan for all of us that can’t be changed?
I can not buy into that…I can’t. The universe is chaos, and so are the paths of everything within it.
Now Reason:
- “Reason” is a cause….then yes. Everything has a cause. We lose people in our life…cancer for example…is a cause…why did the cancer start…environment? A genetic mutation? Something…ya…a reason. Now…what caused the person to overlook they had cancer early enough to do something about it….to survive? A reason…these are the reasons things happen….but is this everything? The parachute, the mistakes we make along the path…are not a cause….that’s a purpose…
2. “Reason” as purpose….then no. There is no intent; things don’t happen for some purpose. We say everything happens for a reason to feel comforted in our decisions…
3. “Reason” as meaning you build afterward…maybe yes…this is the version that helps people, you choose what you take from the event, what you change, what you protect, what you stop tolerating, what you prioritize. This is why I kicked Mel out…..the “Reasons”.
Guess what….not everything happens for a reason…you can create a reason to move forward from almost anything…Now that I look back on the past few years, being stressed out about finances…maybe Mel couldn’t manage it anymore…we didn’t come together on the issues. She didn’t lay it out the way I needed to hear it, and I didn’t do what needed to be done to fix it…almost…I almost pulled the trigger on paying off all of her debts…would she have been better then? Would we have had a better time moving forward? Probably yes, but I think she was too far gone by the time I considered doing it…so… that’s the reason, or one of them, that our relationship fell apart. We will see where her daughter plays basketball this summer….I think one of the married coaches is fond of her…another big reason her stuff ended up in garbage bags on the porch.
I have had to create reasons…I’ve spent more than a few nights staring at the knives in the butcher block…some years ago….and here I am creating reasons to blame myself for where I am at right now…nothing I can’t handle, as usual, until I can’t handle it.
and here we are…Charlotte and I did Hot Yoga at Oxygen last night…for those that were upset regarding my comment of the very attractive participant last week….she wasn’t there.
To reiterate…I lay out everything I’m thinking here. I try my best not to edit a free flow of thoughts as they leave my simple mind….feel free to let me know if you prefer to not hear about some of it…I probably will not care.
Hockey dads read this….it could be embarrassing…but here is the thing. IDGAF what anyone thinks of what I think…and you don’t have to care about what I think…a simple exploration of life and the battle of the bulge.
Here is the thing…I’ve survived another week…I had less than a bottle of red wine to drink all last week. I lifted heavy 4 times, worked like an absolute dog, ate right…I’m trying to do the best I can, handling the thin line between financial stress and total happiness. Finances are the only negative I have right now; thus far, I’ve been lucky….but that could run out, and then I will be scrambling.
And Now….The Weather…
Slab has done it! She has triggered a real man blog competition!
Arms
What do we have here….all of the contestants have offered an arm picture, including Russett. I’ll leave you to figure out which arm belongs to its contestant. I think Jeremy has a bigger arm than mine…. 13″ inch measurement Jeremy?
I’m not sure what Russett is thinking, not sharing early pics, he is guaranteed to improve upon but…15 years of suffering the man blog offers a few lessons.
I will be out of sorts for the weekend, in Toronto. Charlotte has 2 away games. I’m currently sitting at Syds, enjoying a glass of wine, and clattering away at my thoughts. I hope to squeeze in some gym time, either a trip to planet fitness or I grab a key card from the team hotel and spend some time in their gym….or…chill. I have been burning hard. I saw 220 even this week, I should be able to break into the teens this month for sure.
And now it’s Saturday morning. My hosting plan for this site is cheap. I will look into a new host this week. When I started redoing the manblog, I didn’t consider traffic, and right now there is too much for my cheap plan. I guess people just want to hear more about what Deonn is up to. Recovery…I hope for his sake.
Looking towards the future…I hope for good things for everyone, including Mel and her kids. Mel makes a huge amount of money, so she will be fine. The kids will do great, I will miss seeing little Avery’s success; she is a real force. AA and I hadn’t been doing well the past few months; she was a sounding board for her mother and father, and held some things against me…I hope she remembers that I was always there for her and took time to get to many of her out of town basketball.
Shit…its valentines day…well… that’s that. If things hadn’t gone sideways in December Mel and I would be at our favorite Toronto restaurant tonight and spend the weekend watching our children play hockey and basketball in the GTA. Now I’m focusing on personal growth, Charlotte (and the other kids, but they have things figured out), and getting my feet on solid financial ground.
…a bummer of a manblog…
The Quote of The Day
Nothing I do is by popular demand – Steve Martin
Popular or not this site is getting enough traffic to make it impossible to manage, it is really slow on my end, and may be for you, reading this, also. I will fix it next week…
I have written this blog over a few days. During that time, my emotions have been all over the place. I have been stressed about money at some points, which is going to be a thing every other week for some time. Again, if I look to the future I can worry, so many what ifs…I have changed my future…I have to figure everything out now…but I am sure it will be fine…I just need to get through a few more months. If I refi the house for just a bit, I’m fine, and that is going to happen before June. I could sell the cobra right now and not have to do that but I want to keep it….I want to enjoy it for a few years…I think I can. June….
I can survive until June. Will I back out of a few spring hockey tournaments…maybe. Focus the funds I have on Charlotte’s development on and off the ice this summer. The gym isn’t cheap, and neither is high quality ice.
Anyway…enough rambling….wow…I’m all over the place…I’ve had a tough week.
I had published this and then a thought struck me I wanted…needed to share…and if you’ve managed to get this far here it is….
There was a time I was in real trouble…I was retreating further and further away from life…Then I met Mel. She forced me to live again…she showed me how good things could be…she was my way back home, back to me, my children, and my life…the past year she and I moved so far away from that I had forgotten…but it just struck me. Mel saved me when I needed saving…so for all the negativity I offer towards her…at one point she was exactly what I needed. Hot tub and I talked about some of this recently, but I was focused on the negatives…there…that is the reality…that is the “Reason”.
That’s it for this manblog today. Frig…
