Hot yoga Thursday…a reminder that I haven’t had sex in months…nothing like being in a hot, sweaty room with 40 women to realize there are some events from your past you miss….and not just the hot yoga.
How do I feel about my recent abstinence? I’m ok with it. The ex had used my lack of abstinence at the end of past relationships against me, 1 other thing to bring up nearing the end of a bottle of prosecco and a bourbon or 2. Yes, in the past, when lonely, I was very quick to find a cure.
I have never, ever, had time to explore loneliness, and I’m not now either. I’m not lonely or alone.
First, I have Charlotte. She is probably leaving in 2 years for university. At this time, even if she went to Carleton, she would want to stay on campus. I would want that for her. The experience of being young and free. Charlotte and I are enjoying some time together daily, something we haven’t done outside of drives to the rink.
Next up, I have work. I have taken care of the kids for…..ever….and it is isolating. I really enjoy going to work every day. I wish I had done it the past 20 years; I certainly would be in a better place now.
Last, I have friends. Old friends and new. Tbag and Shortstuff came over last night between dinner and hunting rich men at the casino. We enjoyed a drink, not SS as she doesn’t drink, and talked about all sorts of things…which I will return to.
So….SEX. I’m not sure what is going to happen with sex….I could have sex tonight….I could have had sex any night I wanted to…but I haven’t.
Is it that I’m not ready….no.
That I don’t want to….no…trt wakes me up a few times a night to remind me of my need for sex…I don’t know what triggers that, maybe lack of sex, but I don’t remember this being the norm pre-trt. Honestly, there was a 5’11” model at hot yoga, and if she had offered an invite, I would have crawled on a mile of glass to have a go.
Why no REX? I believe I’m exploring being alone a bit deeper than I ever have, and having casual sex would ruin that. I would have a parachute to get me out of the expedition to become a better me.
I have had straight-up invites from women I have never met to be a casual sex partner. At this time, I have declined.
I am trying to engineer the best version of myself. I am trying to figure out and correct my weaknesses, build my strengths, be stronger, more mindful….happier.
And Now….The Weather…
Russett has put up an impressive number after his cleanse.
The prospect of taking a double ender will get you looking your best in a hurry! The event left him ravenous, and found him at Kettlemens, crushing not 1 but 2 sandwiches. That and still in the 220’s with 5 pounds of bread and deli meat, enjoying the spacious confines of his cleared digestive track.
Tbag has offered up 143.6 pounds for a total of almost 4 pounds lost since joining this punishment. She enjoyed a glass of red wine here last night…it takes her an hour to put down about 4 oz of wine and left for the casino buzzing….gentlemen…this is a cheap date! It was great to see my old friends, and I hope to have more drinks at the table and around the pool with my friends in the future.
Krista, Hot Tub, and Jeremy have not offered any updates….I haven’t asked to be fair, hopefully the next blog is full of weight loss/gains, and fun stuff from these 3.
Yogajenni wants to enter the fray. Unlike everyone else here thus far…I don’t know YJ. She has offered up some measurements, which I will add shortly, and a weigh-in, 160 pounds at 5’1″ with a goal to lose 10 pounds. She has a 7-day backpacking trip planned for September and is hoping for a bit of a body transformation to ensure she has the muscle to carry 50 pounds for a week.
Yours Truly saw 223.8 this week. I’ve had a huge week of stairs at work. I’ve lost almost 35 pounds and feel great. I feel that next month’s photos will be a huge improvement…I won’t be in some dumb pose, which will help. I’m 4 weeks into TRT, most tend to think the effects haven’t even hit home yet, maybe another 4 weeks until I really get there. We shall see. I am interested in reviewing what my blood work shows 3 months from now…will the doc move my prescription? I have no idea what to expect… Shortstuff is considering HRT since reading about my journey. I don’t know much about a woman’s HRT path, but I know this: do not wait to optimize your hormones… don’t aim for the low baseline, aim as high as is healthy. If you are waiting, you will be playing catch-up. If you are happy with the lowest level, you will not be the best you have been, or could be again. I am still trying to sort out sleep…is TRT the issue? Do I just need more time for my body to adjust? We shall see. I am not willing to add anything to fix that, a peptide, at this time.
The Quote of The Day
Finding an answer that happens to fit is not the same as finding the right answer – David Thomas
On the way to hot yoga, Charlotte told me she remembered running around the 4 corners of our studio, jumping on Bosu balls…I asked her if she remembered mommy being there… and she said a little.
Charlotte is changing, becoming leaner, more beautiful. I told her Ev would be very proud of her as I held back my tears, pulling into the Oxygen parking lot. Charlotte didn’t realize the importance of her mother at that time…so the memories fade.
