I cried today…chatting with a widow about a discussion I had the night before….Charlotte’s belly button came up and she gave me a face….just a glimpse of agony….
Charlotte used to play with her belly button a lot….not any more.
She did from a young age and she used to let Ev touch it too, seldom would she let me….Her and Ev would have talks about Belly Buttons, a tiny bit of mommy they would laugh and smile and always before bed Charlotte would play with her belly button and fall asleep….
After Ev passed Charlotte told me straight up….when she plays with her belly button it grows a little bit…..the mommy bit could grow…….
Ya….I’m crying again now…..my baby trying to grow her mom with her belly button…….
In the evolution of my life and grief I find myself a bit angrier these days….I suppose it could just be that my life is out of balance and that leads to a bit of lightning….something I really haven’t had in 10 years. It’s something I used to control before Ev and I had forgotten about…..but occasionally I just feel a jolt…it’s something I’m working on….again….
My friends will have to show me some patience…..I hope.
Over the past 2 years a few people have told me I should make a book out of this blog….I don’t see it myself, but I might….I’ve compiled the entire thing and I’m going to give it a read from the beginning….
I’m not sure there is a book here….I see 600 days worth of removing some of my grief and pasting it here….I know it can help other people….the grievers for sure……anyway….I told the person that if I made the decision to make a book it might change the man blog…….we shall see….
There is one other thing….the posts that I don’t publish….some finished, others too hard too dark, some would continue for days……..I’ll have to reread those posts.
The Quote of The Day
Every ending is a new beginning
Your lucky # is none
Your lucky color is dead
As this planet we live on turns round and round I occasionally go on vacation. During these trips there are always moments of solitude and I enjoy a good book at these times. While passing through the grocery store a book caught my eye…American Gods, and it was the read on this latest trip.
A good book….turn a few pages….the wife dies.
Maybe I should read more female authors….or maybe I should start writing fiction…..
Babe….funny….I love your face….the babies are doing great!