Displaying all posts tagged with loss

You Can Pray…But You’ll Get Nothing For It…

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You Can Pray…But You’ll Get Nothing For It…

How has the man blog been?  Funny….that’s good…it’s been fun the past week writing it…it’s fun now…

I had a great night last night, Beagles birthday party…

Such a joyous event…a great night….Today I’ll be recovering…

And I’ll pick up the ladies…get them back here for some hugs!

So…where am I right now….

I’m in such a weird space…sometimes so much better and sometimes…simply not…

I prayed to Ev to take me last night….and that makes me so sad….wishing she would bring me with her………….

Because even when I’m having what seems like the time of my life….it isn’t….

I’m going to pick up the ladies tonight….

And then I’m going to hide out for a couple of days….quietly….

I’m okay….I just want to chill out in my own space for a few days……

The Quote of The Day

I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things.
Robert Plant

I’m not alone….I’m fine….

I’m just taking a couple days of quiet solitude….no texts…no pub….no beer…and I guess no carbs…

Weigh in Friday.

Thanks to the Russett’s for having me over, thanks to Rob for the laughs.  Thanks to all of my friends for putting up with this…

XO

Babe…I’m good, you know….miss you every minute……

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Eh…Sunny Days…

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Eh…Sunny Days…

What’s a man to do…it’s sunny…lunch on a patio…what’s one beer…

Well here at the man blog one beer….and let’s say 20 cookies…amounts to just under half a pound gained….for your’s truly.

Ya…things did go sideways around lunch.   Even though I had a reasonable breakfast, and I ordered a tuna taco for lunch…there may have been a drink or two as a follow up…

Just 2….

That wasn’t the obvious problem, no…the problem was the cookies for sure…I did have 20 of those crunchy little ikea cookies, let’s have a look at the box and see what that amounts to….

Well sir…looks like I crushed 700 calories, 35 grams of fat and about 100 carbs….in 20 skinny little crispy cookies from ikea….

Now we know exactly why I weigh in this morning at 226.6 pounds….

And it’s poker Wednesday…never good…..

Maybe scotch tonight….or water…or wait….scotch with water on the side….water with scotch…..you get the idea…

The disturbing photo of the day….no weigh in from Trafford or Parker….this is going to be painful!

okay here goes…now, a reminder, missing the man blog weigh in comes with the punishment of….and I understand the un–political correctness as well as the other social issues involved in this…but…

Let it be known, I am in no way a homophobe, and am using gay porn vhs covers because….it is funny….I believe a few of my gay friends are reading this and are having a good laugh…

Anyway, todays search for gay vhs cover brought me this little tid bit….not a vhs cover at all and I don;t think this has anything to do with gayness….but feast your eyes on…….THIS!

Kevin Parker, Andy Trafford, Sean Russett, Victor Wheeler, Richard Boyling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not sure why this gets thrown into that search…but there it is.

Boyling…sorry about your placement up there but your head is currently a perfect circle….so it just made sense!

Anyway where were we…the weigh in….

Beagle is down again to 203.8 pounds…I haven’t got the low down on his diet this round, I will find out tonight at poker.

To be fair to Richard Boyling he actually started at 203.5….so he did send in a weigh in the other day….lol…sorry about the porn….

Trafford….lost somewhere at the pharmacy….it seems every time he goes in there to pick up his Viagara he ends up locked in the bathroom for 2 or 3 days….Andy….these public washrooms are no place for shenanigans….

Let’s hope Trafford is back out making rounds at Carlingwood soon.

Parker, the man that sucked me into this round of dieting….is at the Heart and Crown right now, steak eggs and Keiths….

wtf kind of diet are we up to boys….

Anyway…today I’ll try to take it more seriously…I have to lay hardwoord in the bedroom….on a sunny day….to much to do…must get it done…

Victor: 226.2  -2.8

Beagle: 203.5  -1.5

Andy: 172.5  +1.5

Parker: 247  -2

Boyling: 202  -1.5

The Quote of The Day

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
Dave Barry

That is the truth…take a look at the ingredients in that loaf of bread you just had a slice of….even the coffee you drink is not just bean anymore….

But we’ll drink it with a low fat milk substitute made for us in a factory somewhere….

We are lost….

Anyway…those of you that stuck through this for the grief….congrats…I cried in bed this morning.  I’ll thank my good friend Mary for that.  No fault of hers….I love her for reminding me how much I miss and love my wife….

I’ll wrack just a second now……

You see….I do go on living…but as I said to Mary…it just isn’t going to be as fun as it once was…..

Some of the glitter has gone….

AND I HATE THAT….

but you know what….maybe some people never get the glitter……maybe I’m just sad because I’ve been lucky….the biggest loser.

I hope you all have a great day….

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Time…Days…Months….

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Time…Days…Months….

Syd stared at the calendar yesterday morning before school….stared at the date…April 3rd.

I know….I feel that pain…..I know she is in a terrible place.

I hug her up…I tell her I love her…I tell her I know it’s hard…..

I also offer her counseling, which she declines yet again….I don’t know if she will be willing to try that until she is grown up….if ever…

Syd is not doing well these days….I do try to fill the gaps….but I can’t.  I do better than anyone else can….I love these girls harder than anyone else on the planet….

And they know that….which is good…………..and bad……

That must be hard on them, deep down inside……

I do remember being a young man though, my father not around…..the water does pass under that bridge…

But it isn’t final……..it isn’t this….

Where am I at?  I’m where I am….LOST…….

Am I any better than I was December 17th…honestly….no….

Somedays I’m worse……

I woke up today, opened my eyes…thinking I would be fine…I would craft this man blog without crying….it’s been long enough that I should be able to sit down here and type without wracking…….

I don’t know if I will ever be capable of that……likely never……..

I know I’ve said this 100 times….I said it to a passing friend yesterday….at the end of the driveway….

I loved her too much………

Yep….that’s it……

I will wrack…………..

the pack from tara fairhead

who wouldn’t………….

Listen kids….many of you that read this have photos of my wife….on facebook…..moments I haven’t seen….take a moment to tag us both in those please……….I don’t want to miss a thing….

okay…..I’m under now………

Babe…..I love you….see you soon………….

The Quote of The Day

Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.
Willa Cather

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face….I know why I can’t remember anything these days….and I consider, will remembering a certain date, a name, a number…will those memories take the place of another…..

I HATE IT……..

Regardless of what I say…what I do…how I seem when you see me on the street or at the pub….on my best day…..

I’m terrible!  Simple………..

I just want it to stop…….

 

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SLEEEEEEEEEP……

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Nothing to see here….sleepless in Ottawa

How is it possible to sleep just 3 short hours last night….it happens….I hit the sack around 11 last night, read until I thought I could close my eyes and drift away….it was after midnight,

Up at 3 am……….

Is 3 hours a survivable minimum for sleep….it’s happening….my chest hurts….I’m tired….

after lunch today I’m going to run a couple of miles….see if I can grab a nap after I pick the kids up from school…..

Oh well…it’s Friday.  The end of a super tough week for me, yesterday I was reflecting on my depression this week, likely the worst I’ve had as far as back to back days of gloom goes.  I mean I’ve had bad days, so many I can’t keep track, but they normally come alone, one at a time….I either fight them away or find hope in something…but this week even the somethings seemed to tangle me up and settle in with the quicksand….

Hon….I’m tired…………………………….

Today will not be the first day I do not cry………

I don’t know weak…..I can’t do this…..okay…..

first days of school

Charlotte’s first day of school….my love………

Charlotte had Canskate last night….I fought tears at the rink the entire time, sad that Ev couldn’t be there, knowing how proud she would be to see Charlotte getting better, stronger, making me so proud….

After I finished the morning shuffle yesterday I went upstairs to try to sleep….I took Ev’s pillow still in it’s pillowcase out of another pillowcase that protects it….and tried to sleep….the texture of it a comfort?  It didn’t matter…as soon as I close my eyes I search from her….

I don’t find her though…dreams of her have come to me once or twice…but when I search…I find hospital beds………empty…….

tired…..wracking…..

Yep, the man blog….what a joy…..what stage of grief are we at today kids?  Hmmmmm?

Anyway…today will be better….today will be the start of better days……….

I’m TIRED!!!!!!

Fat….

The impossible task of losing weight this week I’ll blame on all the crap you read above….tired.

When I’m tired I eat….fueling my body and mind constantly to keep ticking….

What did I eat yesterday?   Chili, bagel, a steak, 2 cups of raw veg, 2 pogos, a handful of chocolates, and after 9 pm with Beagle as my witness I ate a slice of pizza and 6….no 7 egg rolls….

Plus, 2 ounces of scotch.

What do I weigh in at?  Well yesterday I was 215 pounds so today I should be what?  220 maybe?Victor Wheeler

How about 215 pounds…ya, makes no sense to me either…

This folks is the miracle of stress on the human body.  I ate 10 thousand calories yesterday and my weight did not change…that was the number of calories I needed just to get through it…lol…it amazes me….

Well, we fly in 9 days and I’m somehow going to get myself under 210…so I have to lose at least 6 more pounds…looking at my photo I better hit the situps….

I can’t very well ask the boys for a weigh in right now, in the 4 am range…so I’ll go with yesterdays report.

Our favorite senior is down to 167.8, 2.8 pounds away from his target.  He is craving poutine…

I think a man of his years should watch his intake of cheese and gravy, maybe a few dates with that?  Anyway, I’m sure today is going to see him down half a pound, he just has to lose that every day and he will be under….

Parker…his last update was 244 pounds, that’s just 5 pounds away from his goal with 9 days to go!

Beagle proclaimed last night that he is still on vacation until after family day….does that mean he plans to continue his diet even now…after the beach?  We shall see….

Me…can I possibly punish myself these last days to get under 210?  I have plans for lunch today….a salad maybe….after that…10,000 calories….

I want to lose the weight….some day soon I start the anarchy workout…just waiting on the mailman….

The Quote of The Day

I am a generous man, by nature, and far more trusting than I should be. Indeed. The real world is risky territory for people with generosity of spirit. Beware.
Hunter S. Thompson

A high school kid was kind enough to plow into the back of my pickup at the school this week.  Her father called me and I told him I wouldn’t worry about my scratched and dented bumper but I would like a new tail light lens….he thanked me….now I wonder if maybe a guy who sends his 16 year old to high school driving an Acura is better equipped to pay for my bumper than I am….very likely….but generosity of spirit right Hunter…..

Anyway…I told him to take it easy on the kid….let’s hope my bumper bought her some relief….

I thank the boys, keeping me going, I don’t deserve to be surrounded by such a great group of friends….my neighbors…and Sarah…and who ever dropped off muffins yesterday, I can’t make out the name on the card…they aren’t exactly as Ev would have done them, yes they have no processed ingredients and are sugar free, but my darling might have burnt them just a bit….she was learning…

Babe….I’d give the world for you to make me a burnt muffin right now…..

wracking……

How does thinking about how bad someone was at baking make a person cry…….come on…..

I love your FACE!Z  k,

…………

if you slam your fist down onto a keyboard you get a Z k, this morning….ya stage of grief…Denial… check, Anger….yes, Bargaining…you bet, Depression….of course, and last but not least, Acceptance…here…  Okay, so that’s every day, all five….you think I need a therapist to walk me through this and burn my money…no…that’s what all of you are here for….well not the burning money part…..

Wait…wait….Herzog….you have a great day…

Oh ya…the poet…I appreciate it….another moment of reflection….another tear…you have a great day too…..

cold….

I hope you all have a great day!

out…..

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