Displaying all posts tagged with loss

2 weeks later….

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Did Grandma stop by with cookies yesterday?  You bet.

I thought Charlotte ate 2 of them before we ran out the door to hockey….nope…she had just one…I didn’t eat the remainder of them….There may have been 2 dozen or more in the box….but I ate 20….easily 20….So many in fact that my stomach wasn’t happy…I may have even crushed a few past that point.

My weight this morning…a solid 233…not terrible.  I have seen 229…I’ll try to get back under 230 this week…after tonight’s poker I suppose.

Now….I have been working out….some…lifting…the lazy man’s exercise.  I’ve been busy though….things on the go with the kids…important stuff….Hey 233 isn’t bad…I haven’t been eating 20 cookies every day!

Russett

192 and holding.  He is really taking this seriously and looks much thinner….he is down chins…so many it’s hard to remember how many chins he had accumulated.  Last night he walked the dog from his house to the high school and back….while I ate cookies……

One of us will be lighter….

And I’ll be bringing KFC to poker tonight….


Look….Russett has really been working at this…Props….

Donald Ramsay Buchanan

Bulking…..


Donald is hard at it folks….

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

time for a wee break from the new man blog….

Charlotte Wheeler

Some evening in the past few weeks I was laying in bed with Charlotte reading while she watched a movie, the Good Dinosaur…it seems nice enough and she was enjoying the time…talking to me a bit about what was going on.  I wasn’t paying attention to the tv until at some point she asked me if we could change the show…she was sad…

Rather than just changing it I rewound it a minute to see what upset her.

Ya….that is the sort of thing that will upset a little girl missing one of her stick people….and it upset me too….

A couple days ago as Charlotte got into the truck after school she gave me a look…and I told her I loved her face….she said “mommy faces”   She gave me the look…


I miss stick people too….terribly…..

The One thousand distractions that life offers are often not enough…they do help but there is still that nagging…..

At some point Ev is just going to walk in the front door…..

This morning we will pour tears and that’s just fine……………..

I miss Ev…we all do….too much…..I went to visit her on Thanksgiving…a trip to go see the bit of ground that separates us….someday…..

Krista

Krista and her 2 diet competitors are hard at it….Krista has managed 152….she is back to posting sweaty photos on facebook I see.

No updates on her competition other than to tell me one of them has been sick…and due to that Krista believes the sick one will end up in the lead….nothing like a good flu to help drop a few pounds.

We will get to the bottom of all of this soon.

Glen and Richard

Neither of these 2 have lost any weight….Richard hasn’t been to the gym I don’t think while Glen goes often enough….

Glen tells me past diets have offered him huge loses but this time very little….To that I say….stop shoving in food!

Seamus Browne

I’d love to make a joke about this but it simply isn’t funny any longer.  I read a stat yesterday that said just 17% of the population smokes now compares to 47% years ago….

I have to wonder how Seamus feels about being part of that statistic….Keep pouring money into that retirement plan buddy….

The Quote of the Day

Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said, “Hey… life is pretty stupid; with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much.” Of course I’m paraphrasing: “Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” – Steve Martin   L.A. Story

You see folks….paying off that mortgage and driving new trucks is nice….but you have to have fun on the way.  Sooner or later we will be in the ground and you hate to get to the last day and realize you haven’t had any fun….

There is a time to be serious….but once you’ve figured out potty training that’s pretty much the end of that….

Babe….I love your face.

XO

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Another week…another pound…

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Wednesday night poker kids…the great undoing of the middle ages…

Russett

The Beagle had a busy Wednesday…up $400 I believe.  Before I left he had demolished 4 slices of pizza and a half pound of chicken wings….

Sean Russett
The next morning he offered up a weight of 195 even…amazing really….

He has been under 200 pounds for over a week!  He must have starved himself hard all day Wednesday to crush 5000 calories of doughy pizza, sauce and chicken bits to end up at 195.

Sean Russett
I mean….seriously…I could do a collage of this from Wednesday night…

If that isn’t enough to turn your stomach…he just offered me a Friday morning update…..

194.4

I may have some competition on this bucket of KFC after all!

He lost just over half a pound yesterday…wings for dinner, chicken for lunch and a shake for breakfast…he didn’t workout or hit the sauna….

Krista

Krista is now one week away from the wedding she was hoping to drop a few pounds for…there were a few obstacles….life isn’t easy…and poutine does get in the way once in a while.

Set aside a bachelorette party and laying the blame on her ‘feeder’ of a husband she is now telling me the reason why she has not dropped weight is due to poutine….

I can hear those gravy soaked curds now….just laying there on a bed of greasy fries….”get over here you!  Get me in your belly”

Yep…blame it on the poutine….it will overpower the best of us!

Krista offered up 152.6, and I quote “which is better than the 155 yesterday! K got to get back under 150 for the wedding next week! No more beer or poutine (which I dived into Sat night at midnight!)”

Yep…..Poutine….
Just to clarify….those are Man Boobs….

man boobs are not pornography….

The original for clarificationKrista-Sweating

As I’m writing this Krista just offered me a wonderful update…

She actually should be the quote of the day but I’ll try to come up with something a bit more awe-inspiring that this

Krista,”152.2 which is surprising as the feeder came home with treats from England. They are gone now and I plan to start running again tomorrow…”

I’m not making this up….the feeder has returned and all she can do is think about running now that she has demolished all the UK bonbons!

LOL….

But you know what….152.2 is something….

Moving right along…..

Glen

Mr. Walton has been to the Greco 3 times this week…he claims to be in an enormous amount of agony….which I’m sure he is…

Glen started off his journey to weight loss at 259 pounds…and if one thing many of the participants at the man blog have learned over the past decade….that first 5 pounds should drop like a DQ cone on a 40 degree day…

Well…after a week of hard work at Greco Glen has managed to lose 2 pounds….

Yes folks he hammered out a weigh in of 257 pounds this morning.  glen walton

You see…you can go to Greco…you can push your absolute hardest…but max calories burnt per hour….under 200…

Yep….it’s the old…it’s what goes in that makes the real difference…

Glen and I had a conversation at the end of my driveway earlier this week in which he attempted to tell me that johnny walker red was just 5 calories per fluid ounce…

Well….sadly…that just ain’t it.

Every and all alcoholic beverages have about 110 calories minimum.

I wish it wasn’t so….but it is.

So dear Glen…you’ll have to keep those cals below 2000 to lose a pound a week.  I’d aim for 1600 if I were you and hope for the best.

The lower you go….the more you will lose.  Pay close attention to the fact that a donut sized steak has about 1/6 the calories of an actual donut and your body will use 75% of those steak calories just to digest the steak.

Seamus Browne

Seamus was on the street yesterday….I did not see him….he did have a bottle of grey goose with him….He doesn’t drink the stuff….he takes it downtown to try to exchange it for Tim Hortons roll up the rim tabs announcing a free donut….

It’s the currency of many street people downtown….the wounded by social injustice might be going through the bin at Tim’s looking for cast aside winners…and Seamus not wanting to ruin his expensive new tent….errrr…shit I mean…rather trade vodka for a dozen of these stubs….

And while we are on the topic of stubs….quit the smokes already….I mean donuts and slushies are one thing….but a pack of smokes a day on top of it…..

Seamus offered up a weigh in of 402 pounds.  Just up 2 this week.

Richard

Today is weigh in day for Richard although it’s a wee bit early to have the crane operator stop by and get him on his feet.

Hopefully we can get an update from the big fellow today…but until then I’ll offer you up this….

Richard D'Aoust
It seems today I’ll be getting updates from everyone while I’m writing their tidbit…

Sometimes the Universe offers up such gifts and today I’ve been blessed with glorious insight from both Krista and the big man (or should I say second biggest now that Seamus has seriously crushed it)…

Richard offered me up this just this second…again…a quote…

“Well the good news and the bad news scale is 373.4 but I’m on my way to sign up for gym membership as we speak.  Starting Monday.  So oct is big month for me.  Thanks for staying of top of me. I need this”

A couple things I’d like to point out from that message.

  1.  Richard has not given up
  2.  He is still down some weight
  3. This is not fat shaming…this is being accountable and for some it is a great way to be motivated!

There is one tiny issue….Richard is planning to go to the Plyomax….and don’t get me wrong…it’s very nice.  BUT….the equipment is not set up for a big guy.  Even at my 6’2″ 240 ish size I find the equipment just isn’t big enough…

Richard is taller than me and….twice my size….I feel like Scott Cainnes when I’m standing beside Richard….

Anyway….Richard…it’s all about what goes into your belly….not how much sweat comes out of your pores….

Seniore Donald

Donald is still hard at the bulk stage of his weight game.  He only gained one pound in the last few days….muscle just isn’t as easy to come by as fat.

Andy Trafford dbol

I’m sure these little blue pills are helping or Scottish entry…unlike it’s look alike Viagra, dbol will not do any good with erections…

I’m not sure what Don will be doing about his Jaun.

I hope for the best.  I’ll be in touch with Donald over the weekend to get a full update on his medicated approach to weight gain.

Yours Truly

I managed 234.8 this morning.  On Wednesday after poker I ate a bagel with cream cheese, 2 slices of toast buttered with marmalade, a half huge bag of tostitos and 100 jujubes….

ummm….carb loading…ya that’s it!

I have been running and lifting weights this week, I’ll actually attempt my 3rd 5k of the week as soon as I’m done with todays man blog.

I have decided to continue losing past thanksgiving.  My goal is to hit 205 by new years….Just 10 pounds per month….

I haven’t weighed 205 in 10 years at least.  But I think I have myself set up for success at this point, I have a good meal plan and am working out just enough to pull it together…

Next month I’ll head back to the gym too….just need to set down a bit of weight at home first….I get embarrassed if I’m not lifting heavy at the gym…..

The Quote of The Day

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up.
Allen Klein

I have known days…months…without color.  When the color leaves your life you really do have to work to bring it back.

Sitting here writing about so many gray days did help.  I still have moments where the color isn’t as bright as it could be…everyone does.  I work hard to make sure those moments are short…..

And I know that the brightest colored days are a gift…a present I offer myself simply by opening up myself to accept all the great things I have in my life….

Mushy…you bet…

But in these lives we live…all we have is the world we live in, our family and friends and the ability to enjoy those things to the fullest….

And that kids….is going to be up to you.  Choose to see the colors.

Babe….I love you.

Geez….almost cried there….time to punish myself with a run.

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Busy Busy…too busy to lose weight?

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Not many updates last week…just too much on the go to sit and pound keys…

First up….a new contestant…

GLEN

Mr. Walton has decided it’s time for a mid life diet.  He offered up a facebook post with a selfie and a weigh in….and…he gave me the nod to add him to the man blog.

Glen weighs in at 259 pounds…I’m not sure he looks it…but he is a bit more pear shaped than his peers….and at just 120 pounds less than Richard and 200 pounds lower than Seamus…he has his work cut out for him!

Since this is Glen’s first day I’m going easy on him.


This is Glen at 259….it doesn’t seem bad…but he wants to drop a few pounds so he has signed himself up to Greco…

Greco….this can work….the issue with Greco…and every other workout plan for that matter….self motivation….

You want to make serious changes….you’re going to have to push….it will have to hurt….

I mean…you can’t shampoo your own hair hurt…..

SEAMUS

I don’t know what to say about Seamus…I’ve tried to offer him some advice…alas…a pack of smokes a day…A Big Mac with 2 large fries….a bag of doritos and a 2 litre coke for dinner.

Seamus broke 400 pounds this past weekend….they are considering replacing his bedroom door with the french style as he is having trouble getting through the current 36″ opening they had enlarged just 6 months ago…..

I’ll have another talk with him…..

KRISTA

UP!  Krista attended a bachelorette this past weekend and offered up a weigh in of 154 pounds….a new high!

So without Krista’s ‘feeder’ she has managed to pack it on in just one weekend out with the ladies….and I thought this sort of fluctuation was limited to those of us over 200 pounds….I stand corrected.

Hopefully Krista is thinking about sweating facebook selfies….

RUSSETT

Beagle is down a bit…offering up 195.4 pounds after an hour in the sauna….

I wonder how much of this thin man’s weight loss is sweat and sweat alone…not Krista sweat….sauna sweat….

Russett has been known for his creative workouts…..but he is down….a bit.


DONALDINIO

Donny has it easy…bulking up….so fun…so easy….

Me…I wouldn’t hit the needles…but to each there own.  Donald is up 3 pounds….solid muscle….

He weighed in this weekend and offered up 140 pounds even.  He has been packing on pounds even faster than Seamus I think….

I do worry about the medicine…maybe it’s not as bad as smokes and doritos…but I do worry about his man berries…


YOURS TRULY

I went for a run yesterday….yep….I managed 5km….it wasn’t pretty and my knees are screaming.  It was one of those walk/run deals but I did do the run portion hard…painfully so.

I’m going to attempt a bit of a run every other day…and today…a bit of lifting like my buddy Donald….no juice though….high in sugar.

Do I dare tell my weight this morning…..no…..but yesterday morning I was just a peck over 240 pounds….as usual.

When I hit the scale yesterday I thought I’d be buying KFC for sure….but then…Russett offered his weigh in…I think I can catch him….and Richard…..I’m going to take him too….

RICHARD

The big man…second only to Seamus I should say…offered up his weight yesterday…a slender 372.7

He is down from a start weight of 388…his goal is 350 by November 1st….that is going to make for a sad Hallows Eve….

I haven’t seen much of the man….hiding out I suppose….we shall cross the street and check in on his cookie stash later today.

The Quote of The Day

Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet. ~Sarah Louise Delany

That kids…is an important fact….

Also true is that everyone’s sweet is different…so live and let live….even you Seamus with your nacho powdered nicotine fingers…live it up while you can.

Me…I have learned and lost in this life….and I have resigned myself to my role as a Father now…I’ll have children at home until I’m over 60 and grandchildren shortly after I’m sure….and I’m good with that….

Nice if they would load the dishwasher once in a while….but hey….hair only gets grey once….might as well enjoy it.

Babe….I love your face…..I miss you too much.

XO

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Focus…

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Here at the man blog we do try to lose a pound or 2 once in a while….these events, sometimes referred to as diets, do at times lead to weight loss…..not often…but once in a while….

Serious sustained life changing weight loss?

……NO……

but do we create a bit of room for chicken wings….you betcha!

We may as well start where the buck stops…Yours truly…

I did not have a single ice cream sandwich this weekend….ZERO ice cream sandwiches!!!   NONE!

Last night I did have 2 dilly bars….Syd works at DQ….wtf am I supposed to do….I have to support the place!!!

Let’s see….I had cake, chips and dip, chocolate bars, bon bons…..I generally had just about everything a grown man shouldn’t have if he wants to drop a pound or 2.

I did do the jillian michaels 20 minute shred…..if you think 20 minutes of that can battle against pudding infused cake….no sir….incorrect.

Yours truly weighed in at 242.4 this morning….ok   ok….today I attempt to stop killing myself with crap food….yes Donald….I’m eating too much…..that frigin Donald….working his ass off and making the rest of us feel badly….I wonder if he is cheating….he seemed a bit ……..different when I last saw him…..

Richard

Richard told me this Saturday that he was down 12 pounds…I believe that puts him at 376 libbies….I’ll have to confirm.  Richard is actually watching what he eats and getting a bit of exercise in.  I do believe he will get under 300 and it will be great seeing it happen…..Donald has not personally attacked Richard yet…..I think as long as his hormones stay in check and he isn’t juicing to bulk up…..it should be fine.

Russett

Mr. Russett is below 200 pounds for the first time in a year offering up a weigh in of 199.6

Sean won’t let me have the jelly beans that were left on his desk with 20 pounds of other candy…and he may not be eating them himself either….

Past diet type events have proven successful for the Beagle….short term….

sean russett victor wheeler rickard boyling
There were man blog challenges in the past that proved successful….as we can see from this milestone photo from days long ago….

Krista

Krista…being a young lady….doesn’t have the testosterone potential of her competition here….and Donald….well…I’m not sure the current medication Donald is taking to bulk up should even be permitted….not fair for us men…and not fair to Krista in many ways!!!!

Krista weighed in this morning at 249.6   is that a miracle….I mean she is working out all the time right?  This weekend after gymnastics Krista’s daughter asked to go to Pizza Pizza, she remembered it being yummy and Krista can’t refuse the pleas of her daughter.  While Krista was awaiting her food a robust man entered with his 2 children…both heavy….The fit looking chinese man behind the counter took their order of 2 pizzas…which got Krista thinking….Why are Chinese people usually thin while we North Americans are Obese….Why do most Chinese people control their eating while we act like it’s the last time we will see food…it’s not like we are starving….

She says she “thinks we should follow a “Chinese diet” and I don’t mean buffet style!”

….that’s a quote kids….true story…….when I asked Krista if she was sure I should post this……..well…I won’t get into it….

Let me just say….if this kid isn’t one of your friends you’re missin out!

Donald

Donald is bulking up!  He doesn’t need a diet…lucky for him he will never know if he would be proud of a bit of extra weight or if he would suffer fat shaming.

Me personally….I’m lucky…if I hit the gym hard I can pack on muscle…even at my age…and eat…my lord I can put back calories at the gym…..but Donald is one of those skinny dudes that finds it hard to pack on muscle….

…..Now I’m wondering if Donald isn’t on some sort of hormone therapy in an attempt to make this years Arnold’s…..

I’m seriously worried!!!!

Anyway, Donald ate prime rib on Friday night….the entire thing…….on Saturday morning he half a pound of bacon….5 eggs and 5 slices of toast….Donald crushed a handful of pills prior to going to the gym on Sunday….I’m not sure what hormones he was taking but I think something isn’t right…….


Geezus….Donald is packing it on in all the right places….

I’m not sure he is going to be casting for a hero in the next Conan the Barbarian movie…..but I’m sure he will find a place on the big screen somewhere.

No weight on the Donald….but I’m guessing he is up at least 5 pounds and…..one cup size…..or….maybe not….

Seamus

He lost a pound this weekend…down to 381 pounds.  I’m not sure if he had an active bladder which led to the single pound he lost….we shall catch up with him in depth this week!

The Quote of the Day

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
Mark Twain

He may have been onto something….but I wonder if Donald is too….something BAD.

That kids is today’s man blog….I really must stop with the candies….seriously!

Babe…fun as usual.  XO

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The show begins….

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The Fat Man Blog

It’s on, Russett laid out a proclamation…he plans on losing 30 pounds in 30 days….by Thanksgiving our friend plans on coming in at 175 pounds….

So me…what do I do….agree to attempt the same.

Russett is 204.6

I’m 236.6 this morning, down from my official 30 day challenge weigh in of 238.6….and really, I’m down from 244 last week, which is when I decided I was going to do this…..diet…

The decision came during the HTG street party, some time between 11pm and 3 am….the days clearest hours.  Not a super big deal…but standing there beside Auns reviewing the crowd….it just struck me….this is too much…and Ev would not be happy…might as well dial this down a bit.  I’m not the spring chicken I once was!!!!  Do I really need 3 dinners every day?

So this is it…a diet in my life means 1 dinner…it doesn’t mean I’m restricting very much…well candy bars….I won’t be able to have 10 of those a week like I normally do but I did manage a wee bit of home made banana bread last night….it won’t eat itself!!!!  I can’t toss it out!

So…I’m just eating better, I’ve had a salad every night for dinner since monday….and not just a salad, the entire salad….oh wait…and a nice tenderloin Monday Tuesday and Wednesday…and salmon last night….So, ya, not starving.

Wait….I had a glass of red wine last night….it’s good for the heart….and the soul….maybe I should have one now….no…5:30 am….I’ll have coffee….one second………..

Done…nice.

Okay…along with Russett and I on this journey will be Krista…she will not lose 30 pounds in 30 days…as far as I can tell from her sweat lathered facebook posts she likely has nothing left to lose…but she is one of these beach body coach people….she has a misssion.  We will include her anyway….Then there is Richard from across the street….

Richard across the street…..sorry buddy…if you read this….sorry…

Richard told a few of the HTG boys maybe 6 months ago that he was starting a diet…he weighed in at a svelt 380 pounds and his goal I believe was to lose 80 of those….so he wouldn’t be having a beer with us….well…maybe just one….ish.  An hour or so later Richard’s wife stopped by with a cookie….

…..No word of a lie the thing was as big as a dinner plate…freshly wrapped in plastic while sitting on a Styrofoam plate…the cookie was too big to support it’s own weight…..

Richard was called out on this wee treat and told us he would just be eating half….the man actually took him xmas ham sized hand and rested it on the cookie showing us the half he planned on eating…..first….

oh my geezus…..I love it.

well 6 months later and Richard says his diet start Monday….so he is in,

Oh…just remembered…Russett and I have a bet, who ever loses the least weight by thanksgiving has to buy a bucket of KFC for the other….its low carb….

Of course we will include terrible photos of Kevin Parker and Seamus into the mix…and whatever else I dig up…like this old treasure…..

Kevin Parker

Which is actually my favorite photo of Kevin…I love it…it’s not even photoshoped….not like this next one.

Kevin Parker is immortal at the man blog

So…before I close the fat man blog portion for today I would like to finish of with one important note….

This is not fat shaming.  We are fat…and obviously not ashamed….What is fat shaming anyway….feeling bad for eating too many bonbons?  Nope…we eat our bonbons without shame…..

The Lifey Bit

Charlotte asked me on Monday if I would be sharing Mommy’s stone, to which I responded yes.  I told her I would be happy to be beside mommy when the time came….it’s an odd conversation to have with my daughter but the questions do come up…and at least when I’m put in the ground I won’t be rolling solo!

Her little friend was standing beside her trying to figure out what in God’s name she was on about….but that too is the Lifey bit.

What else do we have…Syd got a new job yesterday, she will be creating ice cream wonders at DQ starting Tuesday…fun stuff…Ave is at Grandmas for Bridgitte’s wedding, Rhi is pulling in shifts like crazy and really coming out of her shell…and Charlotte has 20 hours of ice this week……….

I’ve been up since 3am…and now I’m going to attempt a the first of 30 30 day shreds with Jillian Michaels….Ev is either smiling or laughing her ass off….we shall see.

The Quote of The Day

Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.
Brene Brown

What is good enough….Have I been good enough….good enough son….brother…father…friend….lover….human….

No….I haven’t been good at all of these things all the time….but I try….if I fail I try again….harder….I do try….

One thing I won’t be shamed for….sitting here writing my feelings….I will deny them face to face…but sitting here I will not be shamed….

and that kids makes me sad….

Time for some punishment….Ev style

Babe….you better hope this doesn’t kill me…..

XO

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With Spring comes….

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Today is another beautiful day, the sun is shining, the grass is green and the tree sprouts this years leaves….

Outside…the porch expanded to make room for Ev and I to drink our morning coffee on sits empty….The house quiet, even with one child staying home today…still upstairs asleep….

things are quiet…..and empty…..I am….

But…that may come to an end…and really….there has always been quiet empty spots anyway.

We survived Mother’s Day here…Ave did push a bit…battling missing her mother and hormones I’m sure she can’t figure out…but it seems to have found a balance again.

Avery and Charlotte survive mother’s day crafting at school….still at an age where that sort of thing happens in a class of your peers….most have moms….This year Ave brought nothing home, Charlotte something for grandma…creative educator deflecting the day into something else for Charlotte…..a little girl who’s favorite game with her friends is a little thing called Mommy’s and Babies….a make believe game in which Charlotte gets to have a mother…………

It hurts me every time I hear it….somewhere inside that game of imagination Charlotte finds some happiness…..some pretend mother….hopefully showing her some pretend love………………..

Geezus…I thought I wouldn’t wrack today and here I am fighting tears…making the back of my throat hurt…..maybe I won’t take a day off the gym today…legs will do it….legs will make this pain go away.

Syd has taken up exercise now too…boot camps at the shop 3 times a week with Mandy….running on the off days….I wonder if she feels her mother during that time….calling on her in her mind when she digs deep for a little more strength….I know I do….I drive myself crazy at the gym to push….which is why I’ve managed to get as big as I have….punishing myself…..

Saturday was a beautiful day for a drive out to visit Ev.   A short chat…sandals off….feeling the grass between my toes…and a trip over to visit some of Ev’s relatives…a quick beer and a catch up…

Anyway…..that’s it for today…..I did not wrack….I will save that for another moment….I will continue to punish myself until then….

Babe….I’ll be back to touch the grass soon….until then I love your god damned face!…..I miss you.

XO

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Another day….another…..day.

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Before I get into the meat and potatoes portion of the man blog, the portion where I entertain myself with photoshoped images of my friends….let’s review…..grief….and life….

I’ve read so many fabulous posts in regards to how other people have dealt with or are dealing with their grief….let it go….like a butterfly in a storm…just keep flapping those wings….glide…..

Guess what…….

And this is going to come as a total shock to some of you………..ready?

Some people DON’T love their spouse…….

I have talked to hundreds of people through this blog, read hundreds of messages, responded to dozens upon dozens….

Some people do not love their spouse……some people don’t love their children…..their pets…..their parents….

Some people do not love …….themselves……

I have personally talked to widows that have told me….no problem….we likely weren’t going to make it anyway…..so, obviously that person is unlikely to experience this journey as I do……

I have personally talked to people that envy me……you get that…..men and women that WISH their spouse would die…..obviously that person is unlikely to experience this journey as I do……

I have personally met men and women that LOVE there lost child, brother, father, sister, mother, aunt, cat and dog….these people have some idea of what the journey is to me…..these people are on a journey of their own…..different….but there is a path like mine.

I am moving forward.  I have moved forward every single day since December 17, 2014.  I will continue to move forward….it will not always be easy, some days I will cry…..I will continue this journey…with love….living to the best of my ability….and I’m telling you right now, my life is pretty big…bigger than most…..I live large, even in agony…………

So…..I suffer….but I live……

The Weigh In

Kevin Parker……..Kevin MF Parker…..

Kevin met me at the gym yesterday unable to straighten his arms….I figured a little light lifting might get him flowing again…well we lifted….and lifted….set after set…again and again…..

Kevin did not whine…..he did not quit…..he was nothing short of an animal….

I am proud of Kevin Parker.  He is sore today, really sore….

watford Kevin Parker

This is what Kevin gets today….Kevin’s weight was unchanged at 252 pounds….but he is on his way.

Beagle

Poker night for Beagle.  He weighed in at 196 pounds this morning, not bad considering.  Beagle says today he plans on sweating….that is going to hurt….

Fat Beagle

Charlie also weighed in this morning at 21 kg, or about 45 pounds….Charlie has enjoyed Wednesday night poker, up 2 pounds since his last visit where the Vet put him on a strict diet…..

Victor…yours truly

Yesterday for breakfast I managed 4 eggs and 6 thin slices of rye, I crushed a few scoops of protein, some creatine, glutamine, and bcaa’s….all of the supplements I am using are from a Canadian company that promises IOC compliance…I’m getting big, I might me stronger today that I was 10 years ago….and I don’t want anyone thinking I’m using anything other than over the counter supplements of the highest standard.

I’m working out hard….really hard….I like to kid around about steroids….but lets be serious, I can hardly stuff myself into an XL shirt as it is……

okay….I then had chicken curry over fries and cheese…chicken curry poutine…at the Heart and Crown, with a beer.  Then poker…2 beers….maybe 4 ounces of scotch….10 meatballs….15 maybe…..2 or 3 chicken thighs….and half bag of doritos…maybe 2/3 of the bag…..

So what is that…..some calories….a few carbs……

I hit the scale this morning at 239.8 pounds….

As long as I’m pushing the weight…..I can eat whatever I’d like.  First week of February we lean out….

Today I break from the gym……or maybe I go in late for a bit of cardio.

Arthur

Arthur is at the gym daily also and has been for about 2 months.  Like me, Arthur is packing on muscle so his weigh in is not as easy as a simple number….

Arthur hit the scale this morning at 193 pounds….Liverpool did manage a tie yesterday which cost Arthur a few pints at the pub….all consumed.

To continue Arthur expose into the Asian culture I offer you this prize.

Andy Zips for free

Andy Zips for free

A little something for everyone in this gift.  Sorry Kev…

Vinnie and Old old Andy Trafford

Vinnie doesn’t really need to lose much weight, but being Italian he does want to look his very best for when we hit the beach in February….I wouldn’t banana hammock myself…but Vinnie….he loves it.

Vinnie weighs in at 177.5, down half a pound….it’s amazing what a good waxing can accomplish.

Old Old Andy Trafford is walking his way into a wafer…Trafford weighed in this morning at 180.5 pounds!

Andy Trafford

I do wonder if blisters are the only thing Andy is getting at Carlingwood……

Pirouz 

Pirouz is at 160 pounds, down a bit but not his low….he wants to lose another 10 pounds…

It won’t be easy….I’ve only seen Pirouz at the gym one time….he is like one of those steroid guys…just walkin around looking big…..or….big???  Wait….no…

Sorry Pirouz….you’ll have to step it up a bit…

pirouz

Ayhan

Ayhan had 2 peanuts yesterday…his weight….183.8 pounds

bf9dc7c107ccceb309b4bb7db9a6046a0b111d4a_full

I can hear Ayhan now. “Man said, nuts, you like?”

bahahahaha…oh shit… terrible….

The Quote of The Day

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
Victor Borge

This is what it is all about…..this is the man blog….

Lot’s of pictures today….one more….

evelyn kindervater-wheeler

If this isn’t how you feel about life……you’re already gone…..

Babe…..I love your face……..

so what if I wrack…..

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Healthy healing…..

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I gotta say….I have not been 100% lately….and I mean 100% of what I have been….the new me…..

Somehow as I get closer to feeling….normal….I feel the moments more….the terrible feelings….

I chuckle to myself….how strange it sounds to try to explain how I’m feeling….

You see…and I’m going to try to be as honest as I can here so you’ll have to excuse me if this sounds a bit off…..okay…so….

I have found myself drowning a bit lately, and these moments of…..surrender??????   Weakness?????  I don’t know how to explain it, but when the feeling strikes me it’s almost like a fog moving across my life….into it…covering me…..

The greens just don’t seem as green…..and the reds….well they don’t seem as red…..

Things are pale, they have no life…there is no spirit in those moments…..

And my life before was different…..there was so much joy!   The greens and reds were shot out of rockets high into the sky to explode like fireworks….I would be in awe of how vibrant my life was…..it was so good you couldn’t see past it…you couldn’t forget how good it was……..

My life was so good…..I rejoiced within it…………….

And I try now………I try to make the greens greener and the reds redder……and I have found that even in the greenest of green moments………the fog will come….the quicksand will take me….even if for a moment…..

But…the worry is…..how long do I find myself lost in that fog….does it come and go in 5 seconds….or do I end up wallowing quietly for minutes…..losing myself in it…………..

…………………and we break from a flow of thought because the ladies want to learn how to make pancakes….we will see what mess that leaves me with……………..

Back to it then….that is the battle….to get up every day and make the most of it.  It is not easy.  I have to do this for my children, my family and myself….and it seem that getting it done for myself is the toughest part of the puzzle….

You see…..keeping the ladies together is easy…..I use love….and for me, that comes easy…..my family cautiously watch me, looking for cracks, but they know I have strength to hold it together….and I think they believe I will call on them if I really need to….my sister has heard my anguish….she knows the moments when I just need some confirmation that I am making it….that it will work it’s way out….

Myself…..I find myself….I had written scrambling….and hiding….but I’m not sure…..I’m just not sure what I am doing.

I know what I want…..I know I can’t have that.  I know I could find comfort right now….but the cost is still very high…..

The price….

I think my mind protects me….I think part of the grieving process is the ability for your own mind to only allow you to experience so much….just what it thinks you are capable of.

If you choose to push beyond this….you will pay.  The price will be pain…you will grieve….and the quicksand on those days is not a warm blanket of sorrow…….it is 300 pounds sitting on your chest….stealing your breath and locking down your thoughts…..you will wrack……and you will not get away until you forgive yourself from it…….yes you will have to set yourself free……and the only escape will be riding it out on a river of tears……….

So…..there are my thought’s for today…..an attempt to escape where I have found myself recently……

I just want………………………………………..

I used to love to want………….a feeling that was surrounded in joy……..

The things I want these days are impossible to have or impossible to write down here…..they will throw me away………..

The Quote of the Day

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
Aldous Huxley

Tonight we will say so long to Chris as he travels back to the UK tomorrow.  We will celebrate some great times we have shared the past few months….

I will laugh….if my knee wasn’t in taters I would dance……I may sing….

The fog will chase me all night long….sitting in the back of my mind waiting for me to remember who I am, where I am and where I once was……..

I don’t dream much….but I had a fitful nap this afternoon…and I remember my dreams today…..I wrack in my dreams….I cry in my god damned sleep!!!!!!!!

There is no escape for me……when you dream of pain…………………

 

I just want to be better!  I need to get this done……..

 

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Days go by….

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Well here we are….the man blog….

Just minutes ago I thought I’d get all the weights together and craft up a fat man man blog….something of a celebration of life, the discussion of beer and egg rolls and the resulting weights after applying too much of both to the adult man’s body….

Well, that is exactly what I’m going to do here today, right after this….

I just need to celebrate my wife for one moment….I’m missing her terribly every minute and I must shed a tear or 2 before I get on with my day….

Luckily for me….I’m already wracking….just thinking about her……

Syd’s piano teacher told me this week that in 15 years, teaching piano on 2 continents, he has never…..ever….met a student like Sydney.   He used to describe her as talented….but now he uses words like phenom.

He goes on to explain that in 6 lessons he notices that she has the ability to play keys until she figures out the tune….she can go back 5 or 10 notes when she is learning and come back to try other chords……

This is easy for Syd….she is smart like her mother…..

I used to tell Ev how smart she was….but she had been pushed down too hard in her past…..she couldn’t believe it when I told her I thought she was smarter than I was….to her I seemed so wise….

I was wise enough to know she was smarter….and I’m wise enough to know Syd is too.

Lucky for Syd….I’ll never let her be put down……

I’ve got such a long way to go with these ladies….it isn’t going to be easy as we all dig in to their teenage years….but I’m here to do the work, and I’ll do the best I can for them.

And my love……….

Babe…..I miss you so much.

evelyn kindervater wheeler

I am not enjoying this as much as I’m supposed to!  I am not…………

Obesity…..

Today I weigh in at 229.8 pounds, no good!  I didn’t even have my normal 6 beers after soccer….because I didn’t go to soccer….I may have crushed an extra 1000 food calories just before bed though, destroying a hamburger and 2 huge slices of pita with hummus…..

I was busy in the garage and might have missed a meal…..

So I punched the old weight into the BMI calculator today and I’m almost obese….just a half point away…hell a few months ago I squeaked into the normal range…I wasn’t even considered fat on the BMI scale.

How to get back under 215…fat bugger…..

Well…that’s only 15 pounds….I can lose that right….I’ve done that before….

Wait….what is that…a quick pint at the pub with the boys….every day….

It would be easier if the boys and I weren’t so busy celebrating life, something I don’t want to pass up these days….

So 229.8 it is today, obese or not.

Victor Wheeler Andy Trafford Kevin Parker
Old Trafford has an iwatch….he cant read it…he has no idea what the screen says…but he can use it to trigger a photo, and look…great success

There we see Trafford, down today at a svelte 170.5 pounds…he is rocking the bottom…

Parker on the other hand, like me, is peaking…he weighed in at 252 pounds, not good.

We may as well touch base on the birthday boy Donald, he wanted to lose 20 pounds by now….I’m not sure he is down an ounce…we will have to see if he is still in this race.

Boyling is still losing….he is down to an impossible 191.1 and the other light weight Beagle is at 189.7 after a week of cottaging…aka…beer and bbq….

Another suffering the effects of the summer is Seamus, up to 266 after almost seeing the 250’s.

I won’t bother throwing that into the BMI calculator….we already know which way the arrow will be pointing…

Anyway….I really will try to be reasonable with the manger this week…and maybe with the glug also….

The Quote of The Day

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Mark Twain

I like to believe most of my close friends are attempting to live life to the fullest, or doing their best at it.  We all have things that are holding us back….I miss my wife….that does have an affect on what I do….but it doesn’t stop me from trying….I do seek to live fully again….

Sadly, I’m not prepared to die….if I had to go I’m pretty sure I would accept it.  I’d count the days I had left to love my babies….to try to prepare them for what was ahead of them in life…..and like Ev, I would grieve for Charlotte……..

There we go…..let’s wrack a bit more…..

Anyway….let’s live…..let’s get on with it…….

Live and Love…..that’s is the hokey pokey is all about….putting your whole self in!

Babe….I love your god damn face!!!!!

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Another day in paradise????

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Another day in paradise????

For whatever reason…last night was one of a few nights I couldn’t sleep in weeks….maybe over a month…

I’ve been sleeping perfectly…I mean better than ever…I’ve had 8 hour nights!!!  Something I don’t think I’ve done in 20 years.

Now…when I first closed my eyes around midnight and my mind started racing…I thought…well might as well hit the light and read a bit….but I decided against it and managed to fall asleep…and up at 4….no good….

Today I will attempt to steal a nap…and waste time I’d rather spend doing other things…..

I did hot yoga last night, that usually puts me right out, but after I went for a quick run…the attempt to get the old weight down…

At least that was a success…I managed my weight loss goal for the day…I lost 5 pounds yesterday.

Today I weighed in at 227.6 pounds.  I plan on being down another 5 by monday morning….and then back into the teens next week….depending on how long I can stave off the beers…

You see it isn’t necessarily the beers that make me gain weight…but after a few beers….those nachos start to look inviting…..

Andy trafford, Victor Wheeler, Kevin Parker, Sean Russett

Now I’ve heard there is a new phenomenon where women are attracted to men with bellies…Dad Bod’s….

Well ladies…get ready….

Sadly…I think it’s a hoax….the ladies are secretly chuckling away as they pack theatres to watch Magic Mike….

So…we all attempt to get into the same shape as Channing Tatem’s butcher, because let’s be serious….there is little chance I have the time…energy…or want to have a six pack at this point in my life….

Hell….Parker just wants to see his willy without having to stand on a mirror…..

With that…Parker offers up a weight of 252 pounds today….I lie I’m afraid…he is no where near a scale and I think he is closer to 255….Parker my dear friend will face the 260’s again at this rate……he is out more than Elton John…..

Boyling and Seamus are both steady at 194.1 and 269 respectively…I suppose Canada Day remnants are keeping them on the up side….at least it isn’t a gain….  Both of these guys have already dropped a ton of weight…I know Boyling hit the isagenix…I’ll have to see what Seamus was up to….just less might have been enough….

But guess what guys….the old metabolism isn’t stupid…you starve…it slows down….better get yourself eating steady on some veg or sit down to one big feast to kick yourself back into gear…..

Trafford is down again…174.4, that’s 2.4 pounds yesterday….he must be on the water….or the shakes….

Beagle managed just .2 pounds of weight loss, but it’s something…….every little bit counts.

Here it is:

Vic   229    -1.4 pounds

Beagle 187.8   -17.2

Trafford    174.4  +3.6

Boyling   194.1    -9.4

Seamus     269    -16

Parker    252   +4   ++I’m sure

 

So that means only Trafford and Parker are still on the upside since we started this diet what….has it been two months….one plus for sure….

Today my goal is to drop 2 more pounds….not sure how I’m going to manage that on zero sleep……

The Quote of The Day

Somebody who can reckon with the past, who can live with the past in the present, and move towards the future – that’s fabulous.
Bruce Springsteen

I gotta tell ya…I’m not sure yet…..

I haven’t quite made it here…the now….sure I lie…I pretend that I have arrived to face my future….but no….

And I find more and more lately that I want to run screaming into a dark space and hide…..it’s impossible of course….

Charlotte and I gave each other our belly kisses last night….something she picked up in the womb as one day she simply asked her mother for one….just as I asked for one on my third date with Ev….

In my house….something is missing…..we all live without it……………I hate it…..and now Syd has turned to listening to the same sad songs as me….she calls me into the room to listen to a song she loves….and it’s one I tracked down weeks ago for lonely drives and quiet moments……..

Yesterday a hummingbird flew into my garage…it stared at me for just a split second…eye to eye….then off it went….I’ve faced this little guys a few times in my life….and it’s always a wonderful moment….staring into the tiny eyes of that beautiful little bird…..

I wrack now…………..

Babe…..I miss you so much……….

I was so happy then…………………………

Have a great day, it looks like it’s going to be beautiful!

XO

 

 

 

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Another Day…Done….

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Another Day…Done…

Yesterday was not my worst day…not by a long shot….of course…

Oh I poured tears….wracked….but that is life….my life….

Let’s start with this morning, a beautiful day….I woke up with an extra $200 in my pocket from poker…I’ve turned that around and have started winning….and you know what, I kept my consumption of alcohol at a very respectable level and find myself without a hint of a hangover this morning…a miracle when sipping burnt bourbon lemonades….

I thought I might come undone at poker last night, call in a snow day and bury myself…but I didn’t feel the need….sitting with a bunch of good old boys, my friends…playing a bit of cards and poking fun at one another at a level that only these kind of guys can dish out and take….

Which brings me to the first thing I realized this morning….okay…maybe I’ve known it, and talked about it before….I’ve even written about it in late night man blogs that remain unsent….yes there are man blogs that I write and do not post….but my point is this….

I hang out with 20 guys…I consider friends….and oddly enough, almost every one of them is exactly alike….to define them, well to many they may come across as…simply assholes….loud….smartass…confident….outspoken…..

None of my friends pull any punches…they tell it like it is….

You know what else my friends do….each and every one of these guys……..

Love

Almost every one of them loves them self and the people around them….and they are not afraid to let it be known….

I love them….Ev did too….some don’t…some people don’t get them….but we do….

So boys…XO…thanks for everything you do to help me out…

There we go….a little praise for the guys…

I do this because I do hear that people consider me a strong man….honorable…loving….but I’m not in this alone……

What else did we figure out today…well…Charlotte decided to go to school this morning at 9am after I was going to let her stay home.  She pitter pattered into my office and asked me when it was time for school and when I told her I was letting her stay home today she ordered me up with a “Get me dressed!”

Such a cute kid….

And off we went to her classroom.  Today I didn’t poor tears in the halls of learning….nope I fought my tears enough that I was able to have a bit of a conversation with Carol on my way out rather than my normal fast exit head down…..

But I did fight my tears, and I realize I always will…always….

For the rest of my days if I think about Ev I will feel sadness….forever….

But so what…..that is me….moving forward that is me….and I am moving forward……….

I sat with Ev at her grave yesterday, ate a sandwich, read a bit of a novel…..and….well I said a few words and wondered what Ev would be saying to me…..

And you know what I came up with…..visit often…..but live….stay a short while, and get back home to the babies….live and love….to the fullest…..

So….here I am….wracking as usual….

But I will live and love to the fullest…….

The Quote Of The Day

The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so.
William Ralph Inge

Be happy…get up and work on that….it’s more important than anything else…..

So…The good old man blog will include weigh ins next week, it will not be just the widower blog….I’m going to pull Seamus into the mix too, he needs a push…and so do I.  Beagle is down half his body weight so I have some catching up to do.

Remember kids….be nice to each other….love…..it’s just so nice to feel love….go ahead….

I hope you all have a great day!

Babe…thank you for making me better…I love you for helping me be this man…..

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You Can Pray…But You’ll Get Nothing For It…

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You Can Pray…But You’ll Get Nothing For It…

How has the man blog been?  Funny….that’s good…it’s been fun the past week writing it…it’s fun now…

I had a great night last night, Beagles birthday party…

Such a joyous event…a great night….Today I’ll be recovering…

And I’ll pick up the ladies…get them back here for some hugs!

So…where am I right now….

I’m in such a weird space…sometimes so much better and sometimes…simply not…

I prayed to Ev to take me last night….and that makes me so sad….wishing she would bring me with her………….

Because even when I’m having what seems like the time of my life….it isn’t….

I’m going to pick up the ladies tonight….

And then I’m going to hide out for a couple of days….quietly….

I’m okay….I just want to chill out in my own space for a few days……

The Quote of The Day

I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things.
Robert Plant

I’m not alone….I’m fine….

I’m just taking a couple days of quiet solitude….no texts…no pub….no beer…and I guess no carbs…

Weigh in Friday.

Thanks to the Russett’s for having me over, thanks to Rob for the laughs.  Thanks to all of my friends for putting up with this…

XO

Babe…I’m good, you know….miss you every minute……

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