Displaying all posts tagged with fat man running

Family….

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What did we do this weekend….There is a lot of dance on weekends, Ave has about 4 hours of it herself split up over the Friday to Sunday spread….Charlotte has skating Saturday mornings, this week Syd decided to come along and watch…it was good fun, and donuts afterward….I may have eaten 4….

The rink is nice….I always feel close to Ev there for whatever reason….she really wanted Charlotte to skate and play hockey….and I think Charlotte relates those trips to the rink with Ev also….she always brings her up during the drive…..

It normally has me fighting tears….missing Ev….being proud of Charlotte…..

Ave spends most of her weekends checking in from play dates at friends houses, trips to the outdoor rink…and sporting events.  That little girl is always on the go…..

It was a busy weekend…..on top of the carousel of taxiing kids, there is also lots of laundry and groceries to manage….the gym…and of course a pint or 2 with the boys.

Sunday night while Syd and I sat around listening to music she had the misfortune of seeing what her extended family was up to this weekend…her aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces….well….she might be in touch…..and you know what….she just might not.

No worries though….you leave it to me…..I’ll fix it….I’ll carry it…just let us know when it’s convenient to stop by…..

Ya….Ev used to tell me her thoughts on this subject….

Anyway, my day isn’t about yesterday’s….I live for nows and tomorrows…so movin on.

An easy week around here, exams for the big girls, that’s 2 less lunches and an hour plus less driving a few days this week….

Deep breaths…..oh shit….folks….please don’t honk your horn at strange pickups this week….I’m not in the mood….

The Weigh In

What was I today….245?  244?  I don’t remember, I weighed myself 4 hours ago….no gym yesterday, might just do cardio today, I need to rest to grow….and I really pushed hard on Friday and Saturday while the boys were Yurting….I’m sore still….

UP

let’s make this quick….everyone is up…Beagle 197.2, Andy 180, Vinnie 179, Arthur 193, Ayhan 186.6…..

The only loser of the bunch is Pirouz, he is on the shakes….also known as…hey, let’s starve….  Pirouz weighed in at 156.

Andy trafford, Victor Wheeler, Kevin Parker, Sean Russett

The Quote of The Day

Let us sacrifice our today so that our children can have a better tomorrow.
A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

The days after Ev left….really hard…for all of us….we were stuck in a tornado….our world spun around out of control…..

One day, a week in, I got everyone together and I said….let’s do team love….that’s the only way this is going to work…the 5 of us agreed….and we’ve been doing it for 13 months now.

Not every day is easy, some days there are battles…..but team love will always get us through…..

My sacrifice was easy to make, it was a decision I made based on love.  The love I have for my babies….and the love I have for Evelyn.

Anyway….

Babe….I’m doing it….I love you……

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The Past….

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A strange day yesterday….old friends and old worries forgotten….

As I stand in the school yard waiting for Charlotte and Ave yesterday a passerby says my name, an old friend and roommate from days long long gone when I lived down in the market….fun times, the joy we used to have with 4 and sometimes 5 of us sharing a 3 bedroom….often to wake up with bodies covering every inch of carpet in every room….the mad sleepovers….

Fabulous memories………

Not all of my past has left me with those same feelings, some I’ve carried like luggage all this time.  Wrongs I had always hoped to be forgiven for….or simply relieved of….that too happened yesterday….I travel a bit lighter now.  I had to share a bit more than I usually do to get it….but these days I’ve laid my demons on the table more than I ever have….my secrets swirl around free…..and so do I.

Getting the ladies out the door this morning seemed like a breeze, although I do feel like I might be better with an extra hour of sleep, deciding to get into the hot tub late last night to relieve some muscle pain was a good idea….bringing a wee bit of scotch along might not have been….

Charlotte slept in her own bed again last night, likely 10 of the past 12 days….and now I dream again…obviously I’m getting a bit more sleep without her hogging.

The Weigh In

I hit the scale at 241.6 pounds this morning…reasonable enough.  Gym yesterday, tried to push but a back issue made it impossible…when the back hurts….I decided to work the back instead, easier to pull I suppose.  What did we manage to eat yesterday….I think I managed about 200 grams of protein yesterday, short of my goal….Roast beef and mashed potatoes for dinner and a salad at 11 pm just before bed….I couldn’t go to sleep hungry.

Today….the gym……..

Groundhog days

Groundhog days for Beagle at 196.2, Arthur at 192, Vinnie at 178, nothing from Parker….I’m betting 252….

Parker skipped the gym yesterday, today we do arms….I think he is over the worst of it so he might be brushing his own teeth again by Friday…Arthur…we shall see.

It just stuck me that Arthur weighs less than Beagle…..bahahahaha….shit

Kevin Parker belly flops for the man blog

Parker does like to hit the pool after a bit of the old lift.

Old Trafford

The starvation diet….old Trafford is down to 177.6 pounds.  If you are willing to substitute lean shakes for 2 meals a day while having a very sensible dinner….you will lose weight.

You can’t cheat this diet, your metabolism slows to a crawl so any misstep will be stored as fat as your body attempts to persevere for one more day.  Luckily Andy’s intake of beer seems to also have slowed to a crawl….as best as I can tell anyway….

A lot of seniors do come to the decision to give up the glug….Andy’s days of being a pirate are almost over.

Andy Trafford

Pirouz and Ayhan

Priouz is back down to 158 pounds….he loves that gym….Ayhan isn’t doing as well….he is obviously off the nuts.  Ayhan weighed in this morning at 188.2 pounds.  I think he is right back to where he started….

Let’s try to consider….Ayhan has been dieting, his body has had to consume a bit of the old muscle along the way….Trafford….hint hint….during this time I’ve been destroying the fridge….taking creatine….and pushing hard weight.  My weight at 241 includes a few pounds of new muscle and 5 pounds of water weight from the creatine.  I give that up and I’m 235 in 2 days…..

Lift…

The Quote of The Day

It’s toughest to forgive ourselves. So it’s probably best to start with other people. It’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself.
Patty Duke

You know, for all my mistakes I’ve really turned into a pretty good person….this life has taught me so many things, the really important stuff….

Care for the people around you and they will care for you.

I’m a lucky man…..I’m surrounded by lucky people.

Babe….I love your face.

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Another day….another…..day.

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Before I get into the meat and potatoes portion of the man blog, the portion where I entertain myself with photoshoped images of my friends….let’s review…..grief….and life….

I’ve read so many fabulous posts in regards to how other people have dealt with or are dealing with their grief….let it go….like a butterfly in a storm…just keep flapping those wings….glide…..

Guess what…….

And this is going to come as a total shock to some of you………..ready?

Some people DON’T love their spouse…….

I have talked to hundreds of people through this blog, read hundreds of messages, responded to dozens upon dozens….

Some people do not love their spouse……some people don’t love their children…..their pets…..their parents….

Some people do not love …….themselves……

I have personally talked to widows that have told me….no problem….we likely weren’t going to make it anyway…..so, obviously that person is unlikely to experience this journey as I do……

I have personally talked to people that envy me……you get that…..men and women that WISH their spouse would die…..obviously that person is unlikely to experience this journey as I do……

I have personally met men and women that LOVE there lost child, brother, father, sister, mother, aunt, cat and dog….these people have some idea of what the journey is to me…..these people are on a journey of their own…..different….but there is a path like mine.

I am moving forward.  I have moved forward every single day since December 17, 2014.  I will continue to move forward….it will not always be easy, some days I will cry…..I will continue this journey…with love….living to the best of my ability….and I’m telling you right now, my life is pretty big…bigger than most…..I live large, even in agony…………

So…..I suffer….but I live……

The Weigh In

Kevin Parker……..Kevin MF Parker…..

Kevin met me at the gym yesterday unable to straighten his arms….I figured a little light lifting might get him flowing again…well we lifted….and lifted….set after set…again and again…..

Kevin did not whine…..he did not quit…..he was nothing short of an animal….

I am proud of Kevin Parker.  He is sore today, really sore….

watford Kevin Parker

This is what Kevin gets today….Kevin’s weight was unchanged at 252 pounds….but he is on his way.

Beagle

Poker night for Beagle.  He weighed in at 196 pounds this morning, not bad considering.  Beagle says today he plans on sweating….that is going to hurt….

Fat Beagle

Charlie also weighed in this morning at 21 kg, or about 45 pounds….Charlie has enjoyed Wednesday night poker, up 2 pounds since his last visit where the Vet put him on a strict diet…..

Victor…yours truly

Yesterday for breakfast I managed 4 eggs and 6 thin slices of rye, I crushed a few scoops of protein, some creatine, glutamine, and bcaa’s….all of the supplements I am using are from a Canadian company that promises IOC compliance…I’m getting big, I might me stronger today that I was 10 years ago….and I don’t want anyone thinking I’m using anything other than over the counter supplements of the highest standard.

I’m working out hard….really hard….I like to kid around about steroids….but lets be serious, I can hardly stuff myself into an XL shirt as it is……

okay….I then had chicken curry over fries and cheese…chicken curry poutine…at the Heart and Crown, with a beer.  Then poker…2 beers….maybe 4 ounces of scotch….10 meatballs….15 maybe…..2 or 3 chicken thighs….and half bag of doritos…maybe 2/3 of the bag…..

So what is that…..some calories….a few carbs……

I hit the scale this morning at 239.8 pounds….

As long as I’m pushing the weight…..I can eat whatever I’d like.  First week of February we lean out….

Today I break from the gym……or maybe I go in late for a bit of cardio.

Arthur

Arthur is at the gym daily also and has been for about 2 months.  Like me, Arthur is packing on muscle so his weigh in is not as easy as a simple number….

Arthur hit the scale this morning at 193 pounds….Liverpool did manage a tie yesterday which cost Arthur a few pints at the pub….all consumed.

To continue Arthur expose into the Asian culture I offer you this prize.

Andy Zips for free

Andy Zips for free

A little something for everyone in this gift.  Sorry Kev…

Vinnie and Old old Andy Trafford

Vinnie doesn’t really need to lose much weight, but being Italian he does want to look his very best for when we hit the beach in February….I wouldn’t banana hammock myself…but Vinnie….he loves it.

Vinnie weighs in at 177.5, down half a pound….it’s amazing what a good waxing can accomplish.

Old Old Andy Trafford is walking his way into a wafer…Trafford weighed in this morning at 180.5 pounds!

Andy Trafford

I do wonder if blisters are the only thing Andy is getting at Carlingwood……

Pirouz 

Pirouz is at 160 pounds, down a bit but not his low….he wants to lose another 10 pounds…

It won’t be easy….I’ve only seen Pirouz at the gym one time….he is like one of those steroid guys…just walkin around looking big…..or….big???  Wait….no…

Sorry Pirouz….you’ll have to step it up a bit…

pirouz

Ayhan

Ayhan had 2 peanuts yesterday…his weight….183.8 pounds

bf9dc7c107ccceb309b4bb7db9a6046a0b111d4a_full

I can hear Ayhan now. “Man said, nuts, you like?”

bahahahaha…oh shit… terrible….

The Quote of The Day

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
Victor Borge

This is what it is all about…..this is the man blog….

Lot’s of pictures today….one more….

evelyn kindervater-wheeler

If this isn’t how you feel about life……you’re already gone…..

Babe…..I love your face……..

so what if I wrack…..

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Years past…..

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Old Andy Trafford…..old dried up….terribly old….OLD….Andy Trafford…

Andy has offered up his weight……Trafford and I

I knew Andy was secretly dieting away, preparing for our trip to the beach….and I was right!  Yesterday OOOOOLD Trafford offered up his weigh in.

Andy started at 187 a week ago, was at 183 yesterday and this morning sent over 181.2 pounds.  5.8 pounds in a week….shakes baby.

Andy drinks these leans shakes through the day and has a sensible dinner.

Plus…..

He is a walker!!!!!

No senior in this entire city has done more laps at Carlingwood that old Trafford…..He has worn a strip through 2 carpets….they’ve turned to tile in an attempt to get him out of there!!!!!  Andy’s lofty goal….170….

Andy Trafford walks the mall

Next up….Beagle.  Down to 196.4 pounds.  Beagle was on the elliptical twice yesterday, that’s gotta hurt…Once upon a time there was only 10 pounds between Beagle and I…on the low side, this time last year I was hitting the scale under 220….what’s up with that?  Beagle is about to participate in a cleanse….a viscous treat…but first…

Poker night in Canada folks….redbull is on the menu!

treadmill crawlin at the man blog

Ayhan no longer updates me on what he has had to eat….he has taken the fun out of it.

Ayhan weighed in this morning at 185.2, he had 1750 calories yesterday…..What else can I say….you’re guess is as good as mine.

Kevin Parker….nothing from Kevin on the weight front yet this morning….I’m sure it isn’t pretty.  Kevin sent me a late text last night saying he wouldn’t be at the gym today….the inability to straighten your arms thing.

I told the darling Kevin that a little light lifting will get things loosened up….so we shall do a bit of pushing today.  I see good things in Kevin’s future….in about 2 weeks he will be able to shampoo his hair again….

Kevin Parker, man blog

No update from Arthur or Vinnie yet either….too early.

Me?  I hit the scale this morning at 239.6 pounds.  I’ve started the habit of crushing tons of calories before bed…I’ve also been sleeping like crap.  Charlotte has been out of my bed for 2 days, I thought that would help, but no…I’m still up half the night….lots of that due to twitching muscles.

I managed to push a full set of 100 pound dumbbells yesterday, peanuts weight.  I pushed them easier than I every have before.  Ya, 200 pound bench presses don’t seem like much on a straight bar….but you hold 100 pounds in each hand over your face and give 8 good pushes….it’s no straight bar.

That, a pack of squats and Arthur and I went to hit the treadmill.

Soon….very soon….I start to lean out a bit…..

The Quote of The Day

If you really want to do it, you do it. There are no excuses.
Bruce Nauman

I’m lucky that due to my current mental state a little pain in the gym actually feels good….it takes other issues away.  This fact makes it hard for the other guys to keep up….when I’m done…I try to push more.  These days when I give up on weights its because my fingers can no longer handle the lightest of weights….my hands cramp up while I’m getting changed…..

I remember seeing Ev’s hands cramp up like that……thinking of her pushes me farther than I’ve ever gone…and I’ll be stronger at 44 than I have ever been……

Shit….Ayhan just sent me what he ate yesterday….at 6:45 he had oatmeal, steel cut, the oatmeal seemed a bit darker than he likes…he added 5 drops of milk, skim, the container has a small dent….factory issues possibly….sandwich…thai chicken…a bit of crust was rough…not quite burnt…….

You get the idea…..

This is the Man Blog Ev loved to read every morning…..she waited on the sofa for me to come out of my office so that she might enjoy a good laugh…..

This is what I want the Man Blog to be.

Babe….I love your face.

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The Big Questions….

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Today….I think I figured it out….just this morning….

There is a God…..

It’s 8:15, time to load up the littlest 2 for a drive to school, orders have been laid out….put on your snow pants….let’s roll…

And it clicks….wtf….I haven’t made lunches!!!!!

I open the fridge door…and there it is…somewhere inside by stainless side by side, freezer bottom refrigerator……God….

I’m not sure if it’s mixed field greens, it could be tonight’s hamburger meat, apples….hell….it could be mustard….to be fair, it might be the fridge itself….

But as I stood there staring into the well lit cavern which contains piles of chilly foodstuffs I realized that there is a God…

There must be…because a few of the questions I asked the fridge this morning….the big questions….can only be answered by a higher power…..

And as usual…..

No answers……not even a peep……

Moments later as I’m at the counter crafting delicious sandwiches….the fridge starts beeping…….

I’ve left the door open too long……

Today I’ll be at home depot handling ropes…..checking for weight and elasticity……..

The Weigh In

I start this morning with great praise for Kevin Parker.  Kevin managed a trip to the gym with Arthur and I last night, and he worked hard!  Today and tomorrow will not be easy days for Kevin Parker, for the next 2 weeks as he and I go over a few of the big muscle groups he will wish to lay in bed.

Last night he pushed big weight….really big.  He pushed it to failure….If he can stick with it for 6 months he will be a new man…..

A before photo….a bit of a pose, a good one.

Kevin Parker

Kevin weighed in this morning with 180 pounds, down 70 pounds which he concludes is due to the loss of both arms….he said they simply fell off….

Yours Truly

This morning I hit the scale at 240.6 pounds….up a little.  I followed our late evening workout with a scotch at the pub….oh…a protein shake first….yep a protein shake followed up by scotch….

I then came home and managed 8 slices of toast with various toppings….all low sugar at least….

So ya, I gained a little bit on the scale this morning….that said….I’m not carrying my 240 pounds too badly….220 will be better….but I’m pulling off 240 right now….

Victor January 2015

I’m getting big….bigger anyway.

When I go to the gym these days I work….I really work….

Who is up next…..Ayhan…..

ayhan2

Ayhan did not lose weight yesterday, offering up 186.4 pounds one more time.

At 7:15 yesterday morning Ayhan had a berry….red…called here in this country a raspberry.  At 7:18 Ayhan pulled a small seed, possibly from raspberry from his teeth….at 7:20 Ayhan had an egg, white part separated from yolk, individually scrambled then mixed together….this was not eaten BUT at 7:22 Ayhan ate 3 nuts of varying type and size….delicious….

You get the idea ya?

At 9 pm Ayhan text the group to say he had a 600 calorie shortfall for the day…..those raspberry seeds will get you every time!

Old Trafford

Old Andy Trafford is not taking part in this round of man blog….a surprise attack possibly….I’m not letting him off the hook…an oldie but I can’t help sharing….I’m such a giver!

Andy Trafford Body builder

Andy Trafford Body builder

Vinnie

UP!!!!!  178.  Vinnie and I can’t lose any weight, me from lifting it and him from eating…..

Vincenzo does not bother with the gym….screw it.

Vinnie Creaco

Arthur

The Scot is calling it even at 193 pounds….Arthur is hard at work under weight pretty much daily…he too is building a bit of muscle, transforming his weight rather than losing it….Shall we pick on Arthur this morning….we shall.

As I went through old photos I had a few good chuckles….and the best of them are due to a time in Arthur’s life where he was going through a cultural transformation rather than a physical one.

egg roll strike out. the man blog

egg roll strike out

Beagle

Last for today….but not least….

I didn’t even get a weight from Beagle this morning….too busy…or maybe I missed it while I was talking to the fridge….

One of these days I will get Beagle to workout…at one point we were lifting in his basement and the wee lad was getting strong…but he decided against that….a run maybe?

Sean Russett

The Quote of The Day

People see God every day, they just don’t recognize him.
Pearl Bailey

I hope it’s not the sausage….I plan on throwing those out today…..

My life can be tough, I’m lucky to have great friends a wonderful family and most importantly….I’m lucky I’m wise enough to make the most of it….

The trick is….be happy…it’s a simple choice…..

okay….I’m off to look at rope.  XO  🙂

Babe….I miss your face…I’d give it all up for one more kiss……….it would last forever………………………

Ah why not….let’s wrack a bit…..

I hope you all have a great day!

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The deconstruction of Victor….

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Yesterday was my worst day in quite some time….

An innocuous comment….why not….

It’s been a tough week…2 young ladies PMSing….

An Ogre on a tight rope….that’s what it’s like….but there is no rope….I left it at Home Depot……

I deal with the morning disaster…contact lenses….clothes…lunches…brushes….tampons…..it’s a circus……

I’m the lion…..one of them has a chair….the other a whip…………….

I get them out the door, time to breathe….finish a newsletter for the shop, send it out, get my gym clothes and head off for what I hope will be a great session ripping myself a part……

I park…..before I get out of the truck I have a look at my phone……a few emails….

An old client of ours has read the newsletter, she has clicked through to the website….seen a photo of Ev…and offered me her opinion…..

“It’s in bad taste to have a photo of Ev on the website.”

as I type it I’m destroyed…..I will wrack………

My response……Sorry, I haven’t had the heart to do anything with it………

I went into the gym….ran rather than lifted………and went home to take her photo down……for now…………………

I’ve had a tough week, and that pretty much finished me off…….destroyed me…….

No, you can’t tell….to everyone that sees me on my feet I appear to be the same big strong guy I have been hiding inside all my life………………….

The Weigh In…….

I pulled off 237.6 this morning.  5k at the gym, lots of protein, a huge steak, salad….a few runs at Fortune…..the peace of the snow………2 beers after….pita bread and almond butter to get my hunger under control at bed…….

I finish this man blog and go back to the gym…….or maybe I’ll escape to the snow………

Ok…….let’s have some fun……

Kevin Parker is unchanged at 252 pounds….he swears by fish tacos….the diet craze of Almonte…..

kevin parker

Kevin….chew your food…..252 pounds…..Kevin and I no longer weigh the same….Fish tacos…..bahahahahahahaa

Let’s focus a bit on those that are actually dieting…..

Beagle…down to 196.6 pounds.  Seems reasonable enough….consider he is the same height as Pirouz….who gained weight and today offered 159 pounds…..

I wonder when Beagle last weighed 159 pounds?   Like….in his mother’s womb perhaps?????  An oldie but a goodie…

new3

Vinnie is unchanged at 174 pounds….chicken and rice, cuban style….2 ways…..you can have the chicken over the rice….OR!  You can have the rice over the chicken!

Vinnie

Ayhan sent his weight and a diary of everything he ate…I can’t write it all down here….kindly imagine this in a very heavy turkish accent….Yesterday I ate 2 radishes….cut quarterly….nibbled throughout the day….I had a nut…..it was salty…pew pew….I spat it out…..I had a cucumber….wet…and apple…sour….Turkish kofte….3 pieces….40 sunflower seeds…..no wait what is this…..I have just found a sunflower seed in my collar….I have had 39 sunflower seeds…..

You get the idea……geez……

No weight on the spy…and old trafford….he is back at Carlingwood I think…..fighting old age in a brand new set of Nike with snow spikes…..they think they can replace the carpet with tile in there and keep him and his posse away……good luck!

worn out shoes, the man blog

Andy….we love you buddy….keep putting in those K’s…..

The Quote of The Day

When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.
Napoleon Hill

Hey guess what…..I’m a disaster….I’m trying very hard to reconstruct myself….some days I fail, I make the wrong choice, I am crushed…..

But I never open my eyes the next day in Quicksand…..I always open my eyes to the possibilities of today….

Deconstruct me on the wrong day……….and we are going to be in big trouble…………

Babe……….I’m madly in love with you…….it’s a terrible thing………..I miss you every day…..

XO

I hate the man blog…………………

 

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The fat…..and the sane….

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Okay…let me see if I can manage creating a man blog today without tearing out my hair….I’m tense….stressed out…..

Why????

Well ladies and gentlemen, I am the single parent to 4 young ladies…..OMFG!!!!!!!!!

In my next life Ev is getting an ass whoopin for this!  🙂

Don’t get me wrong…I love my children, I mean…I am a father first in this life….I guess….I think….WTF…….

lol

I find myself drawn to the rope department of the Home Depot….just staring at rope and trying to calculate just how much I need….how much weight each type of rope can manage….which rope won’t burn….

Like come on….what in gods name did I do to deserve this….Hey…don’t all raise your hands at once!!!!

Okay….the weigh in….

I weighed 239 pounds this morning, still under 240 with 4 shwarmas in me….maybe…just possibly I had 4 small chocolates, 8 cookies and a baklava…or 2….

I was hungry……

I also lifted at the gym yesterday…..and as soon as I’m finished this blog I’m going back to the gym….lift a bit and get 5 k under my belt……….

I’ll be in the 220’s by the end of the month…less beer….easy peasy

Arthur will not be going to the gym today….he has soccer…He is at 194 pounds…..I’ll have to get a goal on Arthur…I figure he is up a pound of muscle already…

Let’s see….Beagle was on the track suits and doritos last night, alas he still managed to lose weight because he simple didn’t eat all day….nope starvation and redbull….why not!  Besides, what’s the chance he will have a heart attack?

It has to be under 87%…..

Treadmill Fuelling at the man blog

Parker….he is almost down to a Queen sized shirt…at 252 pounds he is fading away.  Parker would almost join the gym…almost.  He won’t, he is simply fat and lazy….

The chance of Parker having a coronary event in the next 10 years.

98%  I’m not kidding

Kevin Parker, Fat-Man-Dancing

The italian stallion is at 174, he says he is eating too much….come on….Vinnie really doens’t need to lose any weight, the same goes for Ayhan at 188 and Pirouz at a low low 158.

Again….Pirouz and Beagle at the same height………158 vs 197.6…..hmmm

I’m off to the gym….tonight I’m taking my snowboard out…..it’s time to sit in snow and dream about times past.

Babe….I love your gd face……but lord jesus….this is a lot of work!  XO

 

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Here’s the thing….

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I don’t know….

I just don’t

I think I have it figure out, I think I’ll be able to get through the first day of school without feeling terrible….but I don’t…I end up moaning and fighting my tears…..

I don’t want my children to have to console me…..it isn’t fair…I’m not a huge fan of Charlotte staring into my eyes trying to figure out what is wrong with her father…..not a fan at all.

So…I sit here now day 2….pound out a quick man blog and then try to fix the door into the yoga room…dragging a bit….frigin steal studs…if it was wood I wouldn’t be fighting this thing….

I might crank out a newsletter too….get the word out on $5 yoga classes…it’s impossible that these classes aren’t full right now…too hot out for hot yoga though, come February I’ll wish the yoga room was twice it’s size.

Anyway…life is tough right now…back to school…kids wanting dance and soccer….some kids just not willing to help out at all….rebellion I thought would wait until later…..

And the bad cop isn’t here….it isn’t an easy balance alone….my hands are full and the tap is on full tilt………

I wish she was here to fix it…..

I guess I’ll wrack now……………it’s not easy……..

The Weigh In

What did I lose yesterday…half a pound it seems….and I ate like crazy….junk food and otherwise….

On the otherwise I had a bowl of chili, 2 sausages and an entire family sized bag of salad….I won’t mention the junk food but it did include 2 pints.

I hit the scale this morning at 229.2 pounds

Kevin

fatwatford
That is some pretty nice kit Parker was able to grab there….a triple xxxl and elephant shorts….they almost fit

Kevin still weighs 255 pounds….it looks good on him…he carries it really well….

Arthur

freethehops-clan
This Scot is down another pound.  NO beer….NO snacks…fresh veg and yogurt for lunch and a fresh BBQ chicken breast salad for supper…

That’s a lot of fresh!

Arthur finds himself at 189 pounds….

Boyling

I’ve been pretty hard on Boyling here at the man blog, and to be fair he has been losing weight and offering his weigh in very timely.  So I figured I’d give him a new headshot and post his picture on Arnold’s body…so I looked around the web of electronic information and found this…..

twins2

I mean….Arnold….let’s be serious…..

Boyling is down to 191.8 pounds….I need to get my act together.

Beagle

Beagle offered up 191.7 pounds yesterday…I’m not sure how….I offer this up in return…..

sean pizza
Seamus

He claims to have lost another pound….263…..bahahahahahah

Andy and Vinnie

Andy and Vinnie fell into a great depression yesterday after reading the man blog, Andy ate a medium meat lovers pizza……meat lovers….a bag of english chocolates….and a stiff rum and coke….

is all that code for something Andy??????  Where was Vinnie during all this you ask?  He was enjoying a BBQ sausage he claims…..

hmmmmm……I know we just saw this yesterday but…let’s review one more time shall we….

lubejob

Trafford   178.6   Vinnie 176.5

Turkish

Ayhan5
Ayhan is really onto something here….exercise!

He is down to 198.2 pounds after 130 min walk, 45 min swim. 1 cup All Bran….hell I could go on and on about all the healthy stuff he ate…but in the end he added up all his calories and came up with 1286….

Hey…who’d of thunk it?

Maybe we should all eat less and exercise….walk over to the pub maybe…..

 

The Quote of The Day

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.
Barbara de Angelis

I found this quote searching for a quote about being out of control….which is how I have felt many times….luckily this is how I spent much of my youth….and I like to believe I’m slightly smarter now…..very very slightly.

It is true though, I control my happiness….it’s one of the reasons I have sat here almost 200 days and written these blogs….

I’m in so much pain……so much!  I have to hide it every day from my children…my friends…my customers…..in fact at this time I still can’t manage to go to the shop if someone is there……….I wait in the parking lot!!!

There…confession of the day.  I’m hurt and weak and sad……but you’ll not easily get that out of me except here…..here I don’t have to be me………

Here I am the seed…..the thing I hate…………….

Babe…..I love your face……I wish……….I wish for so much that can never happen…..

Ya ya…I wrack…I review…I post…and I get on with it for another day…………….

 

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Another day in paradise????

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Another day in paradise????

For whatever reason…last night was one of a few nights I couldn’t sleep in weeks….maybe over a month…

I’ve been sleeping perfectly…I mean better than ever…I’ve had 8 hour nights!!!  Something I don’t think I’ve done in 20 years.

Now…when I first closed my eyes around midnight and my mind started racing…I thought…well might as well hit the light and read a bit….but I decided against it and managed to fall asleep…and up at 4….no good….

Today I will attempt to steal a nap…and waste time I’d rather spend doing other things…..

I did hot yoga last night, that usually puts me right out, but after I went for a quick run…the attempt to get the old weight down…

At least that was a success…I managed my weight loss goal for the day…I lost 5 pounds yesterday.

Today I weighed in at 227.6 pounds.  I plan on being down another 5 by monday morning….and then back into the teens next week….depending on how long I can stave off the beers…

You see it isn’t necessarily the beers that make me gain weight…but after a few beers….those nachos start to look inviting…..

Andy trafford, Victor Wheeler, Kevin Parker, Sean Russett

Now I’ve heard there is a new phenomenon where women are attracted to men with bellies…Dad Bod’s….

Well ladies…get ready….

Sadly…I think it’s a hoax….the ladies are secretly chuckling away as they pack theatres to watch Magic Mike….

So…we all attempt to get into the same shape as Channing Tatem’s butcher, because let’s be serious….there is little chance I have the time…energy…or want to have a six pack at this point in my life….

Hell….Parker just wants to see his willy without having to stand on a mirror…..

With that…Parker offers up a weight of 252 pounds today….I lie I’m afraid…he is no where near a scale and I think he is closer to 255….Parker my dear friend will face the 260’s again at this rate……he is out more than Elton John…..

Boyling and Seamus are both steady at 194.1 and 269 respectively…I suppose Canada Day remnants are keeping them on the up side….at least it isn’t a gain….  Both of these guys have already dropped a ton of weight…I know Boyling hit the isagenix…I’ll have to see what Seamus was up to….just less might have been enough….

But guess what guys….the old metabolism isn’t stupid…you starve…it slows down….better get yourself eating steady on some veg or sit down to one big feast to kick yourself back into gear…..

Trafford is down again…174.4, that’s 2.4 pounds yesterday….he must be on the water….or the shakes….

Beagle managed just .2 pounds of weight loss, but it’s something…….every little bit counts.

Here it is:

Vic   229    -1.4 pounds

Beagle 187.8   -17.2

Trafford    174.4  +3.6

Boyling   194.1    -9.4

Seamus     269    -16

Parker    252   +4   ++I’m sure

 

So that means only Trafford and Parker are still on the upside since we started this diet what….has it been two months….one plus for sure….

Today my goal is to drop 2 more pounds….not sure how I’m going to manage that on zero sleep……

The Quote of The Day

Somebody who can reckon with the past, who can live with the past in the present, and move towards the future – that’s fabulous.
Bruce Springsteen

I gotta tell ya…I’m not sure yet…..

I haven’t quite made it here…the now….sure I lie…I pretend that I have arrived to face my future….but no….

And I find more and more lately that I want to run screaming into a dark space and hide…..it’s impossible of course….

Charlotte and I gave each other our belly kisses last night….something she picked up in the womb as one day she simply asked her mother for one….just as I asked for one on my third date with Ev….

In my house….something is missing…..we all live without it……………I hate it…..and now Syd has turned to listening to the same sad songs as me….she calls me into the room to listen to a song she loves….and it’s one I tracked down weeks ago for lonely drives and quiet moments……..

Yesterday a hummingbird flew into my garage…it stared at me for just a split second…eye to eye….then off it went….I’ve faced this little guys a few times in my life….and it’s always a wonderful moment….staring into the tiny eyes of that beautiful little bird…..

I wrack now…………..

Babe…..I miss you so much……….

I was so happy then…………………………

Have a great day, it looks like it’s going to be beautiful!

XO

 

 

 

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Fat is what fat does….

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Well it’s the fat man blog today….it has to be….I’m packing it on!

I’m 20 pounds heavier today than I was in February….232.6 pounds…20 pounds!!!  It’s no good and I have to get it under control today….one dinner tonight and a beer free weekend….

How am I packing on all this weight….well the constant celebration of life….to extremes…so I’ll back off that for a few days.

To recap….yesterday I took it easy…I did go to the pub to make an appearance with the boys….I had a single gingerale.  I have had enough this week already and even though Canada Day makes for a great excuse to have a few beers….it seems like Monday night soccer and Tuesday golf tournaments also make great excuses…..

And 3 dinners nightly….look at me now cruising up on the scale and not too pleased with myself for it…..

I was doing much better starving my grief than feeding it……

On that note…..let’s talk a wee bit about grief before I get to the other boys….funny pictures…..let’s talk about love lost and sadness……..

During my nice quiet day yesterday I had lots of time to think about my wife….my life…..Charlotte and I cuddled up and watched a few movies….Ave came and sat with us and we enjoyed our moments together……..

In my life though there is a constant…….Ev is missing…..that is my constant thought every moment…….the static in the background of my life…….

I miss Ev so much…….every second……………………..I still can’t believe she is gone….I know she is…..but I can sit here looking over the computer out to the driveway…..and imagine seeing her walking to the front door……..

……a wait for it to open………………..

Anyway….that’s my life……it’s a big life…..it includes more fun than any man deserves…..and so much pain…..so many tears……

Okay…..so…..I’m hitting a diet….one that includes food, no starvation diet here…..let me go back and dig up the initial weigh ins:

Victor    229     now 232.6       +3.6

Trafford     170.8    now 176.8   +6

Parker      248     now   252     +4

Beagle    205      now 188    -17

Boyling    203.5     now   194.1     -9.4

Seamus    285      now     269      -16

So…no weigh in from the senior citizen…..ya….let’s break the mold here….no VHS cover today….what might we find….

Oh….Andy just weighed in….I had to go back up there and edit his number…..up….

So up it might be…..

Andy Trafford    UP

Andy is just happy the chicken came along…..he might be peckish later….

Andy has just informed me he is back on the shakes…a diet plan for sure….I think I’m going to edge towards lighter meals and running…such a beauty that Andy Trafford, his current goal is to lose 12 pounds by July 24.   Half a pound a day…..

I’m going to get my sorry ass back into the teens by then, what is that…..13 pounds……okay…..today I plan on losing 5 of them.

That means a bit of a run….we will see just how well the new running goal goes….me legs are still killing me from soccer…..old frigin man disease….

And I’m going to eat right, lots of sugar from berries….some protein from yogurt and cottage cheese…..no chips….and NO BEER!

The Quote of The Day

There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge.
Hunter S. Thompson

Why this Hunter Quote today…well it means so many things to different people in my life and will bring it all together….

First…..having just taken part in what I would describe as the Hunter S.Thompson invitational golf tournament….it’s still very fresh on my mind….and for those of you that don’t know, Hunter was an early hero in my life….and as a younger man I may have dedicated a 10 thousand kilometre road trip into trying to get to the bottom of this ether binge thing….

Those days would seem to be long behind us old boys though….I suppose….but life does change the way we look at where we should be and what we should be doing…..

I do believe the edge has been found….as Hunter would say, and I paraphrase….you’ll have to go over to know you’ve been there….

So….I have been tested many times….and here I am, for better or worse….

I couldn’t have managed it half as well other than I’ve been surrounded by so many great people….the luckiest man….

Babe….thank you for loving me………….

XO

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Meeehhhhhssssy

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Meeehhhhhssssy

How is Vic doing…Well…I’m messy…I’m pretty sure it’s normal…lol

Oh shit….Last week was a shit show for me…emotionally up and down all week, I can tell you this…my highs are higher, when I’m feeling better I really am feeling better…this makes the lows seem so much lower.

There was a time when all I thought about was Ev…every single second…days when I didn’t eat or sleep…

Now there are times when I….well I think of other things…new moments…new memories……..

You know there is guilt in living……….wracking guilt…..

It would be…….ah….whatever it would be….doesn’t matter…it would be isn’t an option…..

Yesterday I went to visit Ev’s grave…I made the decision on my way to Brockville…my first of many visits to come in my life….something I didn’t want to do until the marker was up…

I made the decision on the 416…put on my sunglasses to hide my tears…and away I went.

I dropped off a few of the recent crafts Charlotte has done….and poured more tears…

I pour tears now……….

Ya….I’m getting better….but I still only want to have her back….and that terrible thought will make you rot………….and rot I will…..

Evelyn Wheeler Charlotte Wheeler and Avery Skinner

Cleansing…not quite…

The Isagenix 9 day deep cleanse and fat burning….punishment

Let’s see…when did I start that…right Thursday…

So…I had no solid food for most of Thursday…as per the directions…drink this cleanse juice….have fun….

Well, I managed Hot Yoga on Thursday evening, followed by a quick after Yoga scotch at the H&C…or 6….I then came home and cleansed a sandwich…

On Friday I cleansed for half the day on Isagenix….I then cleansed 3 beers a mojito….ah…..a sandwich and a chocolate bar.

Worked with my brother in-law all weekend during which time I cleansed both A&W and McDonalds….

So…not much of a scientific experiment….the 9 day deep cleanse….no….

I did manage to weigh in at 223.5 after boot camp this morning….

The bad news….Andy and Kevin were late this morning with their weigh in….I can’t say I’m sad about that…one second please…..

Here we go…..

Kevin Parker, Andy Trafford, Paul Robson

Well…Paul Robson had to take one for the team there….Hopefully it isn’t too painful…

It wouldn’t have been fair to use one of the guys that actually did weigh in on time….

Let’s get right to it….

Vic  223.5  -5.5

Trafford   175.6   +4.8   lol

Beagle   200.5   -4.5   And back over 200 pounds

Boyling  193   -10.5   the milk diet

Parker   who knows….

 

Boyling is onto something…..I wonder….

The Quote of The Day

I suppose I’ve always done my share of crying, especially when there’s no other way to contain my feelings. I know that men ain’t supposed to cry, but I think that’s wrong. Crying’s always been a way for me to get things out which are buried deep, deep down. When I sing, I often cry. Crying is feeling, and feeling is being human. Oh yes, I cry.
Ray Charles

Well…there is that…I suppose that makes me more human than I feel…when I’m out in public I can’t help feeling that I’m not human at times….hiding my humanity…

But no one wants to drink a beer at the H&C with the guy screaming, moaning, crying and smashing things…that would not be pretty….hopefully Frank is on duty to gently put me in the back seat….

Anyway…today is…cold…gloomy…and it looks all around…unpleasant.

Make your own sunshine folks!  Get that stranger to smile…it’s easy….say Hi!  Offer them a great day!!!!!

Babe…you’re a beauty…I miss your face!!!!!

XO

 

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Stability…

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Stability…

Where will we begin today….

Where oh where….

I’m so tired of this…tired of feeling bad…tired of anguish….tired….

Up again at 4 am…not bad…and I think I only checked the time once during the night…maybe 2 am.  so 5 and a half hours of sleep….

I do remember at one point waking myself up grinding my teeth…I’ve almost got them ground down to nothing………caps it is!

So…we start…yesterday Syd got accepted to Canterbury…I robbed myself of tears of joy…can’t be wasting good tears on that!  I certainly am proud of my girls, and Syd will give you good reason to be proud…

I suppose talking to her piano teacher after her 3rd lesson could do it….he uses words like genius, gifted, smart, talented…he says he’ll need to practice to keep up to her….she is 13….

Ya…it makes me proud.  So we decided to go out for dinner with the Parker’s yesterday…Syd could show off her pink hair.

On the way home, Charlotte sitting between Syd and I in the front of the pickup, Charlotte decides to talk about the beach a bit…we talk about our next vacation….and Charlotte asks if Mommy was with us at the beach….I say not last time but Mommy was with us at the beach when we went to disney….Oh ya she says….

And Syd loses it….she wracks………….

I’ll wrack a moment now…….

Don’t worry….not the first tear I’ve shed this morning…..

Tired….

This life isn’t easy….it’s even harder than it might seem…..driving around in a truck full of young ladies either wracking or trying to console one another…..tiny Charlotte petting backs, trying to make bigger sisters feel better…..

You think that hurts….as a loving parent…..you think that might be painful………..

Ya….I have some pain……I’ve lived through some pain in my life….this….we shall see….

Anyway….I’m tired of it…

Babe…..I miss you so much…..

ev beach with charlotte

There we go…a day at the beach for Charlotte and Evelyn…

The Man Blog Weigh In

Let’s see what we have here, a distraction…

I’m at 227 pounds, a miracle after dinner at the ashton pub last night…it might have helped that I drank Ginger ale rather than beer.  A massive plate of chicken curry, some onion rings and perhaps a bite or 2 of Charlotte’s fish.

And here comes the weekend…

Now I have heard that there is some concern in regards to how I spend some of my moments…under liquids…and sure I make the occasional decision to drown my sorrows…but I pick my moments….

You know what…my demons are here for all to see….where are yours?

We will see if my demons drown this weekend or not…the diet may save them yet!

Better start with those that have missed today’s weigh in, we have Boyling and Trafford….Sorry guys….

Andy Trafford and Richard Boyling
I’m almost sorry about this one….I mean…It almost offends me…so I’m sure it might ruffle some feathers.

But this is obviously the sort of thing that is keeping these 2 up at night so late they can’t make an early morning weigh in.

Beagle is down at an even 203 pounds after a sauna, the elliptical and a swim

Parker…up from dinner at the Ashton, but he did have beer!  A whopping 250 pounds….and a road trip this weekend, bound to go badly.

So the run down:

Vic 227  -2

Beagle 203  -2.6

Parker 250  +1

Trafford  and Boyling….are getting straight….I don’t know exactly what that means…but I hope it’s nothing bad.

The Quote of The Day

Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said, “Hey… life is pretty stupid; with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much.” Of course I’m paraphrasing: “Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
~from LA Story

Yep…back to my old favorites….

If you take this life too seriously…congrats…you’ve wasted it.

I have lived so many wonderful days….so many perfect moments….and I can’t remember a single one that didn’t involve love or laughter……..

No weekend man blog I don’t think….I’m getting in deeper….it’s going to be tough to keep out of the quicksand this weekend….I feel the warmth of it….

As I stare at the screen right now….I realize that feeling depression for the first time in your life at my age…with the wisdom to take the feelings apart and have a really good look at it….you understand how someone could just sit in it…just give up and let it take them….

I’ll go kicking and screaming myself….I’m too busy to wallow sadly.

Thanks today…Mandy, Sarah, Kevin, Mary, Yvette, Jen, geez…there are too many names….too much support…thanks to all of you.

I’d like to thank Andy and Boyling too…for their late weigh ins…perfect

Babe…I miss you…I’m trying my best to hold myself together….and of course….I wish you were here beside me.

I’m lost a bit right now…and I’m going to change it up…sorry…..I have to take care of myself better than this…time to hit the pavement, maybe punish myself with another of Karen’s hateful core classes….and do some lifting…

Beauty weekend…get out there and live!

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