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Grief vs Grief….

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Grief vs Grief

Where has the man blog been…well..down….

I had some serious quicksand days this week, kicked off one morning when I realized Charlotte was beginning to….forget…..

Not something I want….and it’s selfish….because forgetting is healing.

Myself…I won’t forget.  I will not….

Even if I wanted to, if I prayed for it to go away, if I paid to have the memories removed……I would not.

It’s simple…..as I unloaded the girls from the truck last night….as I take that moment to do a head count….I realize it once again, and I said it out loud….wow….you look like your mother…..

3 babies here that all share something with Ev.

FINE…..I will cry too….that is something I wish would end…but it won’t….it WILL NOT!!!!!!

Because I miss her too much!!!!!

3 months isn’t enough….a drop in the bucket….

Life is a drop in the bucket….don’t you see that……..it’s all a drop in the bucket…….

Comments about dating….the ruckus you can start by talking about dating…..

Dating….getting to know someone better…..coffee…dinner….conversation……

Those moments between 2 people where you attempt to realize the spark that divides the line between friendship and romance….

It’s no big deal!

And it’s something I could do right now without guilt.  I could go out on a date tonight and not be guilty.

It’s simple….my love is gone…….GONE!  I now have to continue living….I have to keep up a life…I have to do that for me and I have to do that for the kids.

….no good?….figure this out, Charlotte is going to be 5 in 2 weeks, me….I’ll be 44.

Math up……do it up…come on………..I told Ev I didn’t want another baby…..to have a child in my home at 60….but here I am…..ALONE….and when I’m 64 Charlotte will be 25.

I have to attempt to live….a good life….

And that is best spent with a companion by your side……

Anonymous commenters question who that woman would be….who would take it on…..

They say it will have to be a strong woman……I wouldn’t have a weak one….

A confident woman……but of course…

One that lives in the moment…..absolutely….

I HAD THAT!!!!!!  Those are things I prize in a woman…..

I want to raise my girls to be strong confident women that live in the moment…..that is the description of what every healthy human being should be!

Because life happens in the moment…..it is nothing but drops in a bucket!!!!!!!!

And kids….unless you know a grief counselor that understands where I am at…one which fell in love with their spouse, lived almost every drop in the bucket beside them….shared all those drops….and lost them….in 6 weeks……………..

Don’t bother me with it….it’s ridiculous…..this is not grief for dummies….

And if you know of another person in your life….man or woman….that would sit here and pour out their emotions and then post them in a blog for everyone to see……………..raise your hand…..

This is me….on a plate….very few people share this…..even with a counselor…..

I AM DOING THIS!!!!!!!!

Anyway….I spent a day in the quicksand this week….and a few days dipping my toes in to feel the warmth of it….it’s no pleasure….

I’m not doing this for you….this is my healing process…..

playing sand at the man blog

My healing process…..

One more thing…..for those of you that don’t like bad mouthing of absent parents…..

Syd is off for a consult for braces on Monday…her so called ‘Father’ has a dental plan….he used it to rip me off for 1600 in the past….it would be nice of course if it was put to use to cover it’s $2500 maximum for her braces….

But you know what….that guy would take the money….it has to go to him first…and he will spend it on himself….just like last time….

Right Hero?

I know people in your life read this….I hope they point you to the next line for a quick read.

Go take a look in the mirror….how’s that feel?

Me?  I give up things every day so that the kids can do dance, play soccer, baseball, piano…..  You?

I know….single fathers are going to send me nasty comments….go ahead….fill your boots.  I know both sides of that story, I assure you.

Well….that was some man blog…..I think I covered a few bases there…….

The Quote of The Day

The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.
Gloria Steinem

We are made to believe that men and women are so different….but the differences between a man and a woman are no different than the space between any 2 people.

We are trained as children to believe there is a difference….we are raised differently…and we compete differently as children amongst ourselves that create a divide….

I raise strong babies here.  Bring your strapping young man over to compete….and good luck to you….

My wife could take any man…pound for pound she was the strongest person I ever met…

Babe….I love you….every day….I miss you……I miss you very much…….

The Weigh In

I’m at 227 pounds this morning….trying to kill myself with Doritos….

Up 15 pounds in maybe 2 weeks.

It ends today…..I’m not sure how….but one thing is for sure….the fruit loops in bed stops now!

On Monday I touch base again with a fresh weigh in from everyone and so much more….

Thanks to all of you.  Anonymous commenters….I truly do appreciate everything, even that which I feel negatively about.  It makes me consider it….the other opinion….and I may just take something from it…even if I hate it.

XO

Have a great day!

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