This that and all the things I’ve said before….

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The first time I saw Evelyn Kindervater in person….I knew it…..

We met at a Mexican restaurant in Brockville that has been replaced by another…..the spot we first kissed will exist forever….regardless of what becomes of the space…..should it become the center of some great calamity in one million years it will still be the place I first kissed her…………..

We sat down, opened our menus and started a bit of chit chat…..the waitress came to ask if we wanted drinks….a pitcher of sangria which arrived to interrupt our conversation which continued through several visits by the staff to ask if we wanted food…..we never had a chance to look through the menu….and our first date seemed to end when the manager interrupted our conversation to tell us the place was closing…..we would have to leave…..

We would make our way out to the parking lot….share a few more moments together….our first kiss….and be on our way…..

I followed her back until she left the highway at her exit….wanting terribly to follow her home……

I thought about that night the next couple of days until she let me know she wanted to see me again…….and that was it…….

Years later she would tell me that we would be getting married this day…..there was no opt out option…..it was going to happen.

A trip to city hall and the chapel…..and another great kiss……the last First kiss as a married man I will ever have………….

Sadly…….

I have come a long way missing Ev….it’s human nature to grow to accept loss….it finds a place in your life….a drawer full of dish cloths….silverware….the shelf you keep glasses on…..

…..it is not the drawer that holds those items that get swept off the counter to be dug through later…..no….

…….it becomes organized…..it has place cards in your life……these moments that come back to you…..a flash of joy…..the pang of grief……

Yep……I certainly have come a long way…..

I’ve sorted out all my cards and have placed them all neatly in a drawer….

The thing about the silverware drawer…..if you pull it out to look deeply within it….you’ll end up with all your cards spilt onto the kitchen floor……….

You’ll have to handle every one to get that sorted out again.

The Quote of The Day

Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then. ~Anthony Hopkins

On to better news…..I now have legal custody of all my children….go figure….you take care of these babies for 10 years and the judge doesn’t bat an eye before she stamps your order.  I had attempted to get through the next 10 years without spending that time in the courthouse but you know what…..the kids deserve that stability…..knowing that this is their place….legally……

Ev would be happy that I got it done after all…..another check mark in the win column for the good guys…..

Tonight I will head out to a poker thing in support of local kids hockey….a must with a local kid in hockey…..I will sit around with a couple dozen guys….we will grunt….scratch odd places….there will be laughs…………….I will hide my pain…..no one will know……

So manly…….a hopeless romantic….I still have all the clothes I wore on that first date….right down to the underwear………..

allow me to pour tears………………………

Babe….there is not a lot I wouldn’t do for one more kiss…..as you know…..

 

XO

  1. Anonymous
    Nov 27, 2017
    :)
    Reply