Shorter Days….

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This was a time of year that Ev loved….still hot most days, cool at night…and the prospect of the kids heading back to school…time spent quietly relaxing.

I like it too.  Soon the trees will change color and I’ll take a drive out to the hills and find a nice place to chill out for a bit and look around…….

I’ve had a monstrous August.  Closed the shop.  Went through so many memories while I worked on the basement, some were fabulous and made me smile.  Others…terrible….a brand new picnic basket that Ev purchased because Charlotte wanted to have one with her….it sits unused.  I almost threw it out…the day I decide to use it won’t be easy but I think I’ll attempt to have that picnic with Charlotte soon….

We had a street party last night and it was a ton of fun!  The kids had a fun filled day and the grown ups didn’t skip a beat.  I did manage to sneak away with Charlotte, we cuddled up in bed and fell asleep.

Not long into the night Charlotte awoke calling for mom….something that still happens quite a bit although I’m sure her memories are fading….hopefully she will continue to dream of Ev all her life….I do not….I still don’t dream much anymore, I probably don’t sleep much either.

I’m trying to reconcile my grief…attempting to go at it from new angles…we shall see…..

The Quote of The Day

The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself.
Douglas Coupland

You see….I must take the time to figure it out….it’s a painful process….and it’s lonely.

All it is you see….a big show….

I still can’t be myself….if I attempt to open up and talk about how I’m feeling….anywhere…the gym, sipping a scotch with my neighbors….driving to the grocery store with the kids……….if I allow myself to act and be how I really am…..I cry…..

I’m hurt…..I’m broken…..and I’m weak…..

The only place I really act the way I feel is right here as I write the man blog…..either wracking or fighting tears until my throat hurts……

Then I’ll leave the house and pretend to be a strong man….big….confident…..happy….

It’s just bullshit……

Babe…..I love your face.

  1. KBG
    Aug 28, 2016
    You are a beautiful person. 😘
    Reply