Counting days…..

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You know what….the man blog weigh in challenge just doesn’t have the same sparkle it used to….so I’m not going to do it….and I think I might just delete the last few posts.

It’s not as funny as it once was….it will be again….but not this month….in the midst of a cold winter as we pretend to get ready for the beach perhaps….

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Today was Avery’s grade 6 graduation….

Avery…..geez…..

Recently Ave needed a photo to hand in to her class for graduation.  I thought she meant a baby picture so I went down to rummage through Ev’s old memento’s………..

Sadly there isn’t much there for Ave…..One big container of old photos and 95% of them are of Syd….the early days of Ev’s first marriage….when maybe things could work out…..

But Ave came along and things didn’t get better….the camera wasn’t out as much…..those years are lost………

I sat down there thinking about the portion of my children’s life that is lost….memories that no one has….not even them….

Yes Charlotte will have very few memories of her mother later in life….even now…..I’m not sure….but we do talk about Ev quite a bit….when it comes up I always take the time to listen to Charlotte’s moments and add whatever I can to them…

I also share how I feel about Ev….whenever I’m missing her I let the girls know….I tell them I miss Ev and that I love her….

You see…that right there is the problem………

I love Ev……

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That leaves a bit of emptiness in a person……that isn’t easy…..

I miss my wife….and I know some people don’t like to hear it but I miss her too much…..

I hide it pretty good these days…..but nothing has changed…..

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What has changed…..Avery is growing up.  She is a beautiful power house just like her mother….I try my best to nurture that….I hope to be there to help her not make the early mistakes Ev did…..it won’t be easy….Syd will help though…….

It really isn’t easy….but it comes with a real benefit….

Hugs!

And that’s really all Ave ever wanted…..Syd too…..those 2 girls always just wanted more love….and now I have more to spare…..

And that’s good for all of us.

geez….I’m not sure where this man blog started….what made me write it….I know lots of it didn’t get written.  There is simply too much going on that I don’t care to share….much of it isn’t easy…..but it’s life….it’s no different that the trials and tribulations every one of you suffer….

The Quote of The Day

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?
Ernest Hemingway

I dreamt of Ev twice last week….once awake….The dream I had of her while sleeping lasted hours…..one of those beautifully vivid dreams……we lived a normal day together……it was truly wonderful for me……but then it turned to hell…….because just like the last time Ev wasn’t quite happy……………..Charlotte had died………..

I pursue my worst nightmare in my sleep………..

Babe…..I love your face….I miss you terribly…..I’m trying……

XO