Those Days….

Download PDF

Those Days…

The days I remember….the really great days…so many from my youth, wonderful days…..good times with friends….road trips….encounters……..the day Rhi was born…..how much that changed me….my life…….

Living on the water…..the fat Olympics…..the creation of the golden boys……

meeting Ev…………………….was that the best moment in my life…………………………the day Charlotte was born…….

There were many many great days……snow days….the days I used to spend on my snowboard…..swishing away hours…….those were good days…..the days just before I met Ev….those months………..those were good months…..

Life then was really coming around….I may not have been at my best as a person….but life was there offering me so much….great snow……amazing friends…….life was really good.

Was it all good…no…but it was very close…..

How close is it now…….

Well…unless I destroy my knee this summer I’ll be on the snow many many days next year…..so that will be a start….soccer is back, the golden boys play again as a team…..I’m only a bit fat….geez……

How is it though…….how is it………..

How is it…………

How does it compare to before………it’s tough to say……I’ve changed…..different things matter.

Let me see…..did I cry since my last man blog post……

What a joke…..ya….I guess I have….

Maybe it happens often enough still that I don’t realize it….it’s so normal that I don’t even consider it an event….and I look back at the calendar to think about when I last wrote the man blog, thinking it’s been a week, to realize that it was just Wednesday….

So…..did I cry since Wednesday…..

ya…..what a joke……

It’s Saturday morning….and since Wednesday I realize I’ve only shed tears on Thursday and Friday…..am I some sort of joke…..honestly….I had to think about that….I actually looked at the calendar to figure it out….2 days…..

Yep….the joke is on me…Ev’s been gone for almost 4 months and in that time how many days haven’t I cried….has it been 4….2 for sure….3 maybe…..but 4…..what kind of person…..man…..does this…….

Last night I cried….a bit….but I had good reason….Charlotte wailed for Mommy last night….wailed…..wracked I suppose…..but not the silent convulsive action I put myself through….no…..her agony is different from mine……she is crying loud…..loud enough to ensure Ev hears it……..

I’ll wrack now too….the pain of my children I must bare…..

I hate it……

I don’t want to do this anymore……no more tears…..no more man blog…..

Wouldn’t it be better to hide….to pretend it was fine…..

The fact of the matter is…I’m moving on….and this isn’t the advertising I’m hoping for……

golden boys and Evelyn Wheeler with victor wheeler

 

Moving on…..living……I have no choice…..you see those faces up there….look hard….I will be happy again….and that is what everyone wants….well those that matter….and the rest…..good luck to you.

Where do I find myself…..

I’m starting to feel human….really human…..

Am I okay….

No….no……..I’m a mess…..I can sit here and wrack….I can sit here and fight it too….let the pressure of my tears build up in my head….push out my ears……

But instead I will wrack……

Look on the bright side…..my bright side…..I haven’t seen quicksand in a week….if I never get into that again as long as I live it would be too soon!

The Quote of The Day

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.
Marcus Aurelius

As I looked for the quote of the day I read some seriously good ones, amazing…..but I went with this….

Why……

I think back to some of the great words I’ve heard in my life….quotes……..

“I’m not done fighting yet”, my Father, Glenn Wheeler

“I’m not going anywhere”, my Love, Evelyn Wheeler

and one from me…..if you wonder if you are living life….you’re not.  Get on with it.

I live….you don’t like it….you know what to do…..

wow….caught up in acceptance and anger today folks….the 5 stages of grief……again a joke!

Thanks today….my friends….how in the world I ended up surrounded by this lot….the luckiest man in the world.

It’s going to be warm….time to sharpen the lawn mover blade….

Have a great day!

Wait one second…..as I gave this man blog a reread before pushing it out onto the world….it gave me a moment to reflect on what has changed….

The biggest changes in my life have been my children….now that Ev…..well, now that it is this way…..you know what else makes me cry…..Syd….on our way back from piano lessons…….how proud she makes me……her music teacher gleaming about his new student and her skills…So smart….Genius Smart…..Ev smarts……Avery….powering down the road on foot, a bike, roller blades…..the power she has…..she has super hero strength….Ev power……

My babies…..I cry with pride…wishing Ev was here beside me to feel it…..

Why do I write this stuff down……arrrgh…..I sit here…pausing…thinking I should stop…..

But you know what…..it takes a man to do this…..to put this out there….and I’m that.

….this is a mornings scratching I just prefer to delete…..so many emotions…….but…..here goes.

 

 

  1. Anonymous
    Apr 11, 2015
    Keep writing Vic you are helping yourself and others.
    Reply
  2. Anonymous
    Apr 12, 2015
    Hey Victor! Awesome post! Look forward to them sad and happy ones. Wishing u a beautiful weekend.... Some smiles perhaps.... And lots of sunshine!❤️
    Reply
  3. Anonymous
    Apr 12, 2015
    It takes real strength to put yourself out there with your words.... I agree...a real man. . too many times if it's kept bottled inside it can do damage to your relationship with others (and with yourself ) I hope you have a great birthday today...a beautiful sun shining day today... xo
    Reply