Eyes Wide Open…

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Eyes Wide Open….

Friday night….that’s when I realized the amount of time I spend in bed….laying there….thinking I’m asleep….with my eyes wide open…..

So…Very little sleep for me.  Not only do I lay there staring at a wall in the dark…for some reason I’m clenching my teeth….my jaw hurts…

Likely part of the reason I give up…this morning I gave up after 4 hours…sleep?….4 hours of being in bed anyway….

Yesterday I did not cry…busy day…driving a truck and trailer through a snow storm in Quebec…too focused on staying alive to think about what is missing….

Saturday of course was a different situation…being deep in the quicksand.

This morning….so drained….so frigin tired…….

Last night before bed….as I reached over to Ev’s side of the bed…Charlotte says to me that mommy is there….she puts her hand on mine and tells me that mommy’s hand is between ours….

That little pain in the butt…..I love her…..

Anyway….I do imaging that mommy is there….right where I want her to be…..

You see…..writing this blog makes me think about her….and that means I’m going to pour tears…..

I hate it…..I hate missing her so much……..

I know you’ve all heard it before but this is the woman I love….we had so much together…..she was my life……

Evelyn Wheeler Charlotte Wheeler and Avery Skinner

My babies…..

Lover….I’m trying….it’s very hard……..I miss you so much babe…..I wish you were here so badly……

wracking…………………..

It’s March break, as Charlotte would say….today is not a school day.  My little niece Lola is over, she does like to eat…hollow leg….

Ev loved the company of her niece and nephews, and I enjoy it too….it isn’t easy to have more kids here…but really…I’ve got so many little ladies around it’s hard to even notice one more….

Yep…a house full of young ladies….

Most of the time it’s good, but of course there are moments…the battle of the brushes…the cleaning of rooms….these things fly like lead balloons….but we get through them….

Grown up break some day…..Lover….let’s go away……………

This is it kids….I Hate This……..

The Weigh In

I’m at 223 pounds this morning….yesterday’s road trip had me eating fast food all day….

Today I lose 5 pounds.  This week I drop 10.

NO weigh in from the boys, it’s only 5 am….tomorrow I’ll have the full update and some imbecilic photos…promise….

The Quote of The Day

Don’t go away. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t stand being alone.
Arnold Rothstein

Stuck between loneliness and isolation….

I don’t want to be alone….and I don’t want to see anyone…..

wonderful….

Have a great day…..

Cheers

 

 

  1. joano@rogers.com'
    Joan xxx
    Mar 17, 2015
    Hey Vic......I am just back from vaca in the sun so the pic is a good one for my "share". Walking along the beach one day all by myself...... except for the hundreds of other people walking by, in the water and on the sand....I absent mindedly bent to pick up a shell and immediately thought of Ev. When I straightened up I was smiling but tears were pouring. I played with the shell as I walked and just let the tears flow behind my sunglasses and down my cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. I didn't know any of the people walking by nor did I care if they saw my tears. Eventually the tears stopped, my face dried and the smile returned. I kept the shell. : ) I love Ev and I miss her. Of course my sense of loss and my feelings are very different from yours but always know.....Vic you do not cry alone! Nor do you smile alone! Love you!
    Reply
    • Victor Wheeler
      Mar 17, 2015
      Love you too Joan...so did Ev. She talked about you often.
      Reply