New and Improved…

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New and Improved….

Well…I think so….

Yesterday was a quicksand day…imagine that…I didn’t expect that was going to be the case…I think sometimes I do…but yesterday…sneaky.

Quicksand days aren’t my favorite…but as yesterday’s went, I’ve had worse.  I mean if the bad days are getting better…perfect.

Part of it is the pursuit of happiness…sadly….wanting to live is….what is it….hmmm…it’s a quagmire of emotion….

LOL…it is…it makes me laugh because the strangeness of the idea that life…wanting to live is so foreign….

there we go….

Today will not be the first day I don’t cry…

By the way…not the best advertising for dates….I know…I know…

BUT this is me…it’s unedited emotion….so…that’s it…

So life….geezus…what do you do….I just don’t know….

I’m ready to put my toes in the pool though…I think…I’m trying.

So quicksand yesterday…just a bit under…the darkness around the edges…which is okay, I understand it, and face it head on…when a neighbor stopped by yesterday at the end of the driveway and asked me how I was doing….I told him…bad….

So what…

And you know what he said….good for you…..

And it is!  I mean honestly….to stand up to myself like that….I make myself proud…toot toot…this is exactly the person that Ev wanted then and now….

Much easier of course to not do this to myself…not write the man blog….keep this stuff to myself and just pretend to go about it…but I do that anyway…I mean see me at the pub and I’m just a regular guy…

My serious take on my position on this planet today…I’m doing it…I’m getting better…I have bad days, sure…so do you…I’m ready though…I’m definitely getting ready  🙂

So…I’m messy…so what?  SO frigin what?

Ya I’m messy…and I’m a good friend, father, person….I’ll take it….

I could do without the tears….but I’ll take them….like right now….soooo what.

Hey phases of grief…I’m not angry today…what’s next….

Throw out the books kids…it’s bologna….

evcharlottefishing

Just look at those 2…

Charlotte misses her mother quite a bit….I hear her yelling goodnight to her from bed most nights….yelling so that she can hear her…I guess while she is farther away….

That will make you wrack…let me tell you…

But then I join her, and I tell Ev I love her and say goodnight also……

Last week on our way to skating Charlotte told me once again that mommy was in the truck…in her spot…it’s tough, skating lessons….it’s one of those moments that Charlotte and I both attach to Ev.  Something she really wanted Charlotte to do, play hockey….she really wanted to be a hockey mom……..

I was really proud of Charlotte skating around the rink, working her butt off…and so was Ev…..

Kindly allow me to wrack…..

So what…this is my life….I’m trying…..

Anyway….that’s it for today…I could go on and on and on today….I want to pour right now….but no….

The Man Blog Weigh In

Let’s see…yesterday I was pretty good until maybe…8 pm….I did have a beer while watching soccer…that led to a shared plate of nachos….otherwise known as fat chips…and later at home a samosa, a couple of cookies, a few cups of nuts….what else did I consume….I don’t know…too much!

But…I was down today…217 pounds even…go figure….

hamburgler and Kevin Parker

Parker is doing his thing…down yesterday even after beer and a bit of snacking…

243.6 pounds.  He is only 4 pounds off his pre-vacation weight.

Now…Parker is simply gunning for the 230’s…but I have been trying to get him to aim a bit lower!

I know he will be happier at 220…for sure!

Trafford is at 168, 8 pounds away from his goal…skinny as a rake!

The carpeting at carlingwood should last forever under his light wear….so soft and luscious right Andy?

Nothing from Beagle…I know he will outweigh me by July…I’m willing to place a bet….

The Quote of The Day

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.
Aldous Huxley

And there is where I lie…

Okay…I understand…maybe I should keep this to myself…but I don’t…

This blog….my feelings…are me….and that sucks….it really does….

But I’m not going to hide it…..I’m just not that kind of person.

Thanks today…it’s been a while.  Sarah, Mandy and Sugarbear, Dan and Michelle, Louis, Kevin and Bec, Bill and Shirley, Andy and Tammy, Pesh and Jen, Arthur and Alison, Paul and Vicki, Vinnie and Kerri….and dozens more….

Thanks for helping me get through yesterday….this week….whatever….

Beauty day.  Get out there and shovel the lawn!

Have a GREAT day!

Babe…today I will let the sun pour down on me…..I miss you so much…..

  1. Anonymous
    Mar 10, 2015
    XO
    Reply