5 Phases of Grief…

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5 Phases of Grief…

I think that some stages of grief are easier than others…for me…anger is a hand I can handle…

First let me start with this….I was going to skip the man blog this morning….on the angry days….why bother….but here we are…

Grief, the stages by some stuffed shirt.

Denial and Isolation:

Fine…ya of course you deny it…well actually no, it isn’t a conscious decision to believe that Ev is going to be waiting at home….it’s a trick!  It’s a resource your mind has to enable you to look forward to something…self preservation.  Have I been there, certainly….daily….

Every DAY!

Isolation….ssssssure….let’s see….ya, I lower my head when I go for groceries….I try to go to Mac’s milk late at night or early in the morning…scoping out the parking lot to avoid people….not every day…but most…..I park my lounger in Cuba away from the others some days…..quicksand days….to hide the tears I know are coming….

There we go….today will not be the first day I do not cry………there….there…..

Anger:

Now….the really smart shrinks that write books on grief say this is a process…that once Denial wears off it leaves Anger….

Wrong!  Idiots……

This isn’t a process that runs on rails folks, this is a hurricane!  You’re all over the place!

Anger…doctors…yourself….Ev…what if’s…what’s next….

Screaming at the windshield of my truck…yelling at Ev to COME HOME yesterday….angry….just waiting for a horn to honk….anything……

Anger is easy….you can beat anger with intelligence…you can’t beat denial kids….it’s an illusion….

Bargaining:

It’s almost like the didn’t want to call it the 4 stages of grief…bargaining falls between denial and anger….you can’t what if without emotion…

Lay back and tell the therapist a few what if’s….what a joke….

What is next…here we go…

Depression:

Depression….so they think this is a process and…what….like I woke up day one in denial and I had to work through anger and bargaining to get to depression…..

Again kids….save your money…the answer is right here….I’m all of these 4 and more every day….times 10.

Quicksand baby….stand in it for a while and it gets nice and warm….a nice beautiful blanket…..but wait….take deep breaths….and DO NOT let your head sink under….there are no bubbles under the quicksand….no matter what, you’ll have to tread in there, you’ll have to fight to stay above it just a bit….

Acceptance:

Some say this is a gift….that many people never receive….

The best way to reach acceptance….feel your grief…well there we go…I’ve done that…

And you know what…every day I ACCEPT it….every day I know Ev is gone and that she is NEVER coming back….

I will never hold her hand….

I will never sit beside her on the sofa….

I will never kiss her face……

Go pound sand……….

yoga ev

 

I love your face…..you know that………………ya….you know that…………

No weigh in….no quote…..

I have more stages of grief to explore today…..

Tomorrow will be warmer….no man blog this weekend I don’t think…………….

hey…have a great day……

I’ll wrack a while now…………….