Shells, Sun, So What….

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Shells, Sun, So What….

Wracking already…that didn’t take long this morning….

So the cat is out of the bag, today will not be the first day I don’t cry….

I thought it might happen while I was away on vacation, surrounded by some of the best people in the world covered by a hot sun at an all inclusive…..

Not even close…

Sadly some of last week included quicksand days….days when I just plopped myself down as far away from the group so that they didn’t have to catch my tears sneaking out past my RayBans…

Quicksand days….the days I beg Ev to take me………I hate them……I hate them…..

I don’t particularly like the good days either….but they are bearable….I hope to see tomorrow on the good days….

So, Cuba….we had a great time….the hokie pokie…the entire group of 19 goes on a catamaran tour…right from the beginning it was going to be a hit….cold liquids for every one of us before 10 am and when the boat hit the lunch grill it was on…

200 people are waiting in line for their lobster and we sneak into an airconditioned bar just off to the side….any of the 200 could enter….but as we sang the hokie pokie at the top of our lungs for 10 minutes inside an entirely glass room….200 people stared…wishing they had come in before we put our left arm in……

I was there….and I wish I was again….a reprieve from memories…and a new gift…a new joy to take with me for my tomorrows….

As I wrack out…..I HATE it……..

I just want her beside me at the pool….so beautiful……..

Evelyn wheeler man blog beach

I made it down to look for shells every day…just like we always would.  I made the trip with Trafford, Billy, several trips with Charlotte, Avery….and I made one alone….all were the same…..

Tears….

All I want is to have my wife back….I’d give anything for that………I’d give my life……………..

I HATE it……oh my god I hate it……

So…fun….we found some great shells, Ev would have been as happy as a child to see a few of the prizes we found…..

babe……..I love your face…….

I met some good people too….Drummondville, Oshawa….Megan’s parents…her Dad telling me I’m a lucky man at 6 am while Charlotte and I waited for my pre shell hunt coffee….I announced I was a lucky man….the luckiest man in the world….but not now….when they asked why I took a moment….for Charlotte to walk a few steps away, and for me to get myself together to say just a few words without losing it….

Ya….I’m a lucky man….

All of these people providing me with a reprieve from my thoughts…taking my mind away for a few hours…

babe……

More about my past week on other days….this day is quickly being swallowed up by quicksand……

Buffet anyone

Today I weigh in at 219.4 pounds, not bad considering…..

I will lose 10 pounds this week!  That is my plan, 209 by next Monday….

No update from Trafford or Parker….resting for sure….

Beagle tells me it’s March and he plans of being at 185 by the end of the month…

He is at 197.2 pounds and gunning to be in poolside condition before he opens his up!

The Quote of The Day

Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.
Muhammad Ali

That’s it folks…it really is that simple….

I thank my friends….good old friends that have been around….new friends that are only there for a day…It’s like this, I hate needing support….Vic is the big man….

But Vic needs all the help he can get….

And Vic is surrounded by friends that wouldn’t let him go it alone even if he wanted too….

I love every one of you…

Have a great day kids….

Warmer?  Not bad….

Lover….I love your face so much….I can’t wait to see you again…..I really can’t…

It’s a quicksand day….I’ll be fine…..tomorrow……

 

  1. Anonymous
    Mar 02, 2015
    I'm sooo sooo sorry, you break my heart with your words. I pray I'll never truly know the pain you are going through because I know I couldn't get up everyday to face the world as you do. One thing all this has taught me is to never take anything for granted, tomorrow is never a promise. THANKYOU for letting us read your words, I wish our hurting for you and your family could take just a little bit away from your heart Victor. Keep writing, keep living, do what you need to do everyday for those girls and yourself. Xo
    Reply