There are some mornings, after finishing the man blog, when I can just breathe…when I’m done pouring tears for a bit and I can unwind, relax, take in a moment without grief…
It’s has been a while since I was able to breathe…today I think, a moment….
I did get the passport documents and permissions slip yesterday, off to the passport office I went and I really didn’t have any issues. I could not expedite the passports but I can still get them in 10 days, February 11, which leaves plenty of time for the trip.
When I went up to the counter…the entrance point where they make sure you have everything in order prior to sending you to wait with your number…at that point a supervisor had to get involved, simply because the rep hadn’t dealt with this before…but away we went.
Sydney was with me, it helped too as they wanted to know where the children were…I can’t be some random person asking for passports…even a step father has to be able to prove where the children reside…little Syd with her pink hair…
As we sat in the passport office talking about things…the people around us…mom…she watches me as I fight tears. She knows I don’t want to cry in front of all these strangers…and she will let a conversation go if she sees I can’t handle it…she will simply allow it to trail off as I try to control a good wracking session….
Today will not be the first day I don’t cry….
I have to tell you…reliving days here at the man blog certainly is cause for tears…I do hope in the end it helps. I think sometimes if I didn’t write the blog I’d cry less….that’s a lie…I know I would cry less.
And I won’t be writing the blog this weekend, I’ll be in Toronto visiting with Ev’s sister…have no worries…her and I will likely pour tears…I’m sure I will…although I am planning on upping my attempts of control…
Now the the passport issue is over I think my stress levels will be down 10 notches which should help my ability to control…yes bury..my tears.
Today Charlotte is getting an award at her school, the teacher called me last night just before poker to tell me…I want to go very badly and if I can muster up a half decent disguise I may…to hide in the back of a elementary school gymnasium attempted to keep a good wrack out session at bay.
The week Ev died Charlotte was going to have a Christmas concert type thing at her school…it was supposed to be an on week for her Chemo and would have been on her worst day…the day the Chemo normally kept her in bed all day…….she was so sad she was going to miss that….we knew there was no way she could make it…or even risk being around that many potential sick people…The Chemo…..oh well…we had dreamed it would but us time…….damn it…..this last bit is a late edit…and another wrack out…
And I’ll go to the school today…to suffer my tears in public…to suffer hugs from strangers…………….wracking……
I love you babe….I love your fucking face!
Pulled Pork at the Weigh In
Wednesday night poker…never a good night for the man diet.
You know what sucks…turning away from the man blog to take care of an image then returning to remember what your new life means….
Anyway…this is the weigh in…the only tears that should happen here are when we look at ourselves in the mirror.
Here in this photo, sadly, many of us are sporting the bodies we WISH we had.
Beagle seems so proud of himself, his belly button is above his weiner….
Sorry Beagle…if any of you are looking for a great deal on a Dodge, Jeep or Chrysler product…….are we hiding your identity here?
Okay, just in case…Beagle is not in any way involved in the management of sales at Capital Dodge…In NO Way! I think….
Last night as I watched Parker drink his water, his shakes hidden away in his car, I crushed 3 pulled pork sandwiches on white buns…
I also had a pre poker dinner which mainly consisted of raw veg, 2 cups worth maybe…
So what…if you eat 3 pulled pork sandwiches between 8 and 9 pm…what happens?
Well the mysteries of man weight say you will lose a pound. I weigh in this morning at 215.4 pounds.
How does that make any sense.
Skinny Trafford is at 172.5 pounds. It’s a good thing mankini’s have shoulder straps or he would be tripping over his. From what I understand the salesperson didn’t even want to let Trafford have the shakes…and for good reason…while the rest of us sport helium balloons to help get that last happy pound off the scale, old Trafford is wearing ankle weights on his daily fitness walks at the mall to prevent a gust from taking him away.
Last time he had to battle flying monkeys for a week…..
No update for Parker and Beagle at this time…sleeping in perhaps…I do believe I saw a Florida Track Suit in Beagles hand before I left last night…not a good start…oh wait…he and I split on a plate of Cheetos…it’s coming back to me now…
And I still lost a pound!
The Quote of The Day
Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.
There was a time when I wouldn’t entirely believe in the ‘spiritual’ side of our existence. Yes I always believed in Karma but just because I thought if you live it bad you get it bad…
But in time, as I’ve aged…seen things…new experiences…you have to believe there is more to life…to being a human being. We are all connected. Some connections are a live wire while others pass almost without notice…
But…why not? Why not love each other…be there to help when other people find themselves in dark places…send love…
I sit here laughing at myself…I’m full loon…but you see…I’m happy. And screw it, if feeling this way makes me happy…full loon it is!
Warmer today…not bathing suit weather but…get out there and shovel perhaps…if it comes down anyway.
Babe…I send you huge love….I love you so much….
Cheers…while I wrack out…..