Man Up….

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Time to Man Up?

Did I spend most of the day yesterday in tears?  You bet I did…Is that an issue…no it is not…

I’m as manned up as I’m going to get.

Although I did cry like a a baby most of yesterday, I did manage to do groceries, track down easy bake kits, and tour the city looking for size 5 black converse….

To review…I wake up, get out of bed, sit and write this frigin blog…I cry for an hour…maybe more…and then little Charlotte gets up.  She has decided that we will be doing an easy bake off today, possibly due to the banana bread challenge…which I will win hands down by the way….it’s all in the crispy topping…anyway….

Did I know yesterday was going to be a shit show…I’m not sure I expected the entire day to go bad…but what the hell, I was up and ready for it…

Off Charlotte and I go to Walmart for easy bake…and while I’m there why not grab a bunch of socks and underwear for the kids…just in case…done!  At this moment I also verified that children’s socks are still sold in pairs…you would never know it at our house.

We stop in the parking lot of the Walmart and Charlotte and I make our way into the store…I see a chip bag blowing by, pick it up, and toss it in the garbage…Charlotte lets go of my hand…as normal holding of hands goes, she then ‘holds’ my hand, like over my hand and reaches around and pats me on the back….

She says:”Daddy, you’re a good man.”

I’ve got to deal with this while I’m an emotional wreck folks….no kidding…

On the way home…she says to me in the truck,”Mommy wishes she could stay with us for the whole day cause she loves us.”

Today will not be the first day I don’t cry….

Why oh why….for 5 minutes there I actually thought I might make it this morning….anyway…I crush it today…I can’t cry all day today…

“cause she loves us”  Are you kidding me?  How am I going to deal with this……

You want to know something…today my wife has only been gone for 3 weeks….it just feels like she has been gone my entire life…you know why…because that life is over….it will never be what it was….wracking out….

Evelyn has a dorky look on her face

I can tell you that my darling wife may love us but she certainly wouldn’t be happy I posted this picture of her with this dorky look on her face…

I love your face babe!  I miss you too much….I’m sorry….

Okay…So we are still at like 11 am in my day yesterday, Charlotte is giving lots of love, she must sense my grief…and she is giving lots of mommy kisses…anyway…my life…lots of love….lots of pain…

At walmart I also picked myself up some underwear…Ev NEVER wore underwear, and I swore them off also…years ago…

But now…sadly…underwear…why I’m not sure…but I sense some of my free spirit…my Evelyn…its gone.  Underwear are a punishment…and screw it…I’m wearing them right now….seems normal to everyone else I guess but to me…weird…

I can say this…there are great mysteries in life…or there is insanity…

There is either a force among us…the power of the spirit…our soul…or…a defense for our own sanity…because I am touched by it…yep…more fodder for the boys…and maybe I am crazy….so what…I’ll take it…it carries my hope…

a moment please while I wrack out a bit more….

Should we do a weigh in…why not, back to grief in a moment.

man weight

I’m at a stable 216.6 this morning…I ate 2 pounds of junk food at 9 pm last night so the scale my be off just slightly.

Sean Russett and Kevin Parker
I might apologize for this photo right now…I’m not sure how the web of electronic data hands over such great treats…but I like to think I have help finding the good stuff…

And you know what, this man blog of old, the fat blog, Ev used to love reading it every day…

So…Beagle was at 199.4 pounds yesterday, still under 200 but an uptick…he told me he was going to be off the food to make it back.

Parker…as you can see from the photo right….he is off his man diet until after Yurting, he has company from England on the way for the week and has dedicated the month after camping and before Cuba to losing all that weight…

Is that a sack of potatoes in your pants Parker or are you happy to see Beagle?

Today I will go to the gym and do a bit of lifting…I just wish traffic was better getting to the good life on Roydon…I prefer lifting there to Barrhaven but….we shall see….

The Quote of The Day:

I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder.
Chuck Palahniuk

I do enjoy the musing of Chuck…today’s quote was a toss up between this and a favorite go to of one of my literary hero’s Hunter S. Thompson…but  I think Chuck is on to something here…

So much more to say and do…but how about some thanks…I’ll lay it down for all my neighbors, they are here for me and it’s very comforting to know.  I thank Raz for stopping by last night…just when I thought I had no tears left for the day…and then there is my buddy Kevin M that arrived at my door some time after that to check in on me…geez…you know you’re messy when…  Let’s thank Mary, Andrea, Beagle, Mandy, Jen, Darren, Julie and Ben…no you can not do my laundry, and of course Mike Herzog…

I kid you not…if you ever need to cry and can’t muster it…call Mike Herzog…the man is now using some sort of strange telepathy to bring on tears…that may seem odd to you…but I know years from now when the X-Men become a real thing…Mike Herzog will be wearing some sort of mind blocking helmet!

If you get up right now it seems almost warm outside…but temps are falling all day so….prepare for Cold!


Wait wait wait wait….

I Love You…  xoxo



  1. Anonymous
    Jan 12, 2015
    Your writing is awesome! I hope you have a great day and please know that Ev is with you all in spirit everyday! If you dont beleive it, just remember what Your youngest said! Love & hugs to you all! From someone who doesnot know you personally but loves you all the same!
  2. Anonymous
    Jan 12, 2015
    Sometimes crying is the only way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is. Look after yourself. Take the time to heal, one tear at a time.
  3. Anonymous
    Jan 13, 2015
    Words cannot express my deepest sympathies for your loss. I somehow stumbled upon your blog, and I can't help but cry with you. Keep on writing, you have so much strength within and so much courage!! I pray that you find peace, joy, love and healing.