Sleepless…

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Sleepless at the Man Blog

No sleep…Well…maybe closed my eyes at 10, 10:30…up at 12:30 to stare at my phone and again at 2:30 to come downstairs and finish some laundry…

I wish I could tell you when I close my eyes I dream of Ev…I so much want to dream of Ev…but I don’t…

My dreams are full of doctors, hospitals…conversations, mechanisms, tubes….

Why would I want to close my eyes to relive a conversation with a Doctor telling me my wife would be out in an hour….I’m still waiting…

Today will not be the first day I don’t cry…

Evelyn and Charlotte WheelerI don’t want to do it today…I don’t…

There are so many things in the house…exactly where she left them…I can’t touch them, I don’t want them to move yet…

Such a tough day yesterday…busy trying to get things organized…nothing is easy…and every one that you talk to…well you are either wracking tears or fighting them off…

The kids…big girls arguing for days now…they won’t stop.  Rhi the oldest still has a mother, an out…and to avoid doing chores she will just leave…Syd, she doesn’t want to go anywhere…but she doesn’t want to help here either…tired of days of listening to them tell each other off…non stop bickering…

No outs for me…Ev was the bad cop in the house when things went off the rails…she was the launch pad that the girls knew would mean the last word…

Anyway…hopefully today it will get sorted out…

I spoke with both of the children’s schools yesterday, there is extra support there and some counseling on the way for Ave…she seems to be internalizing things more…although I can say that she seems to want to be kind in the house while the other girls are filled with anger…

My love…I miss you so much…I could really just use a kiss right now…I wish you were here…

wracking out like this so early in the morning is not good…

The Man Blog Weight in:

I hit the scale this morning at 214.8 pounds, a new low.  I am fasting for a blood test though…I better get my health in order…I have my doubts…

I ate a normal day of food yesterday, and ran 30 minutes at the gym…

Sean Russett under 200 pounds
Beagle delivered a weigh in under 200 pounds yesterday recording an astounding 199.8 pounds…

That’s 5 pounds in 5 days and he claims he passed on pizza that he paid for and a box of donuts sat untouched on his desk all day…those tiny sugary voices must have been screaming!  He is building the spread between our weight…but I’m super close to the end, the last pounds shouldn’t fall off me so quickly…

I missed Parker’s weigh in yesterday but I expect great things!

I think today I will gain, my metabolism must be at a stand still from fasting and I’ll be starving by the time I get my blood work complete…still 5 hours from now…

So…it’s time for the Quote of the Day:

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Frederick Douglass

Well….shiiiit….

I gotta tell ya…I know not every day is going to be filled with sunshine and butterflies…but it could be slightly less painful on the stormy ones…

To all of you out there…sorry…I could go back and delete everything I’ve written…but as a poem I used to spout read…”At the cost of words I value highly”…so…have at me….

The forecast is so terrifying I don’t even want to talk about it, my advice stay in bed.  If you do get up…grab yourself a nice hot coffee, tea or hot chocolate…and while you’re at it…buy someone else one too…it’ll only cost you $3 and you’ll make their day.

No cheers today…drained…

  1. Anonymous
    Jan 08, 2015
    that was so beautiful..had tears in my eyes while reading it...stay strong for the girls Victor.my heart goes out to you...Evelyn was such a wonderful Mom and wife... and was taken way to young....she is always watching over you and with you always...stay strong...
    Reply