Back to School…

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A Test in Loneliness

Today my babies will go back to school.  In my old life I would drive the kids to their respective schools and then Ev and I would have our time.  In the gym days we would go to the gym, running days…run, relaxing days…we would enjoy each other.  Ev and I spent a lot of time together, much more than the average married couple.

I always loved that Ev and I had so much time, we were 2 pees in a pod…but now I’ll be alone after I drop off the kids to school this morning, my hope of a snow day did not materialize…

I still have the gym…and I need to figure out if I can get this business to run smoothly enough…but there are going to be some really lonely times…

I do have lots to do right now…just getting things organized that we had put off, simple things like SIN cards for the girls…I need those now…I have lots of legal things to deal with…I have so much to sort out with the kids it’s overwhelming to think about…

But my babies are doing okay.  Ave and I had a good cry last night….I had been worried about her, I still am…but to have a moment of mourning and the ability to reassure her of her future…well it helps us both.  Ave looked up to her mother very much, and she was always our child that wished to have more of her…Ave couldn’t get enough loving…

More on the situation regarding the children once I have it sorted out…it’s more story than a person needs before heading to work…

Evelyn and Avery Wheeler

The thing is…when such a wonderful person is lost..so much more goes with her…  The girls will never understand just how amazing Ev was.  Not just the person she was.  Being an amazing person is such a small part of it.  What she got through to get there…it is so much…more…

I will do my best to give the girls everything their mother wanted.  I will make them strong women, women that know the love of their parents and accept nothing less later in life…I will try to guide them to the power that was Evelyn…

Sadly I’m not the person she was.  I’m a good guy…but I lack the charisma of a movie star, the intelligence of a genius and the strength of an Olympian…

I’m a simple human being graced with the presence of a super hero!

Today will not be the first day I do not cry…

I did attempt a stoic day of not crying yesterday…If any of you feel like pouring out a good cry…call Mike Herzog…that man can turn the tears out of me like you’ve never seen.

Luckily my mind still plays the Ev may be coming home game…it’s not until you find yourself thinking about the fact that she isn’t coming back that you’re in real trouble…

Of course, I still talk to her every day.  I kiss her good night every night…

I miss her too much…

Yesterday I wrote a few bits for Sydneys application to Canterbury, I poured tears, the tears of a proud parent.  She is such a smart kid…another to do off my list.  I also made a trip out for groceries, something I don’t look forward to.

The grocery store is an Ev and I thing…choosing the healthy food we thought would keep us going into old age…

Now I find myself staring at the floor to avoid seeing the things she would want me to put in the cart…

On to the battle of the bulge…the man blog of old.

Kevin Parker selfie, man blog
This is actually a picture of Parker, his head on his body….

I’m not sure this has ever happened before…it’s so much easier not having to photoshop.

Kevin did his xbox cycling yesterday, he tried to keep the face stuffing under control and he is down to 258.8.  that’s 8 pounds.  Good old man weight!

Beagle…he is deep into his ketosis and has mention lifting weights in addition to the elliptical.  He is down to 201.2

Me?  I hit the scale this morning at 215.4  A new low.  I haven’t weighed this since before Charlotte, I may even be pushing the window much past that.  When I met ev I may have been 212 ish…I think I might have been on the rise as it was a very snowy winter then and we were swing less hammers and doing more snowboarding…

I’m going to the gym today, I’m not sure if that will make me lose or gain but it’s on the docket…

I want to be under 210, I don’t want to be under 200…We will see where I am able to settle in and just how much control I have over my own weight these days.

The Quote of The Day:

I think what motivates people is not great hate, but great love for other people.
Huey Newton

The great love I have found in others let’s me know that I am not alone.  I could never thank the people around me enough but today I reserve my thanks for my children.  I thank you for making me want to be a better person every day.  I love you all very much…

And babe….I love your fucking face!!!!!!!!!  I miss you.  xox

Cold, watch your step…

Cheers