Tears…I’ve cried a few…

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The Good Tears…

I cried a lot of tears yesterday, easily 20 good sessions…as always it started with writing the man blog…always worth a good wrack of tears…

I woke up yesterday with my wedding ring on my right hand…during the drive back from Ev’s mothers house the previous evening, tired….angry…the ring annoyed me.  I found myself constantly touching it, making adjustments…and I decided to remove it to the other hand…

Woke up in the morning…wrote the blog…Went to Beagle and Mandy’s for breakfast…and came home to get on with it..

That’s about as long as the ring swap lasted…I moved it back over to where it feels comfortably…on my wedding finger.

It’s something I’m not ready to deal with yet…and I’m not sure when…

Evelyn Kindervater-Wheeler and Victor Weeler Niagara falls

All those times…all the happiness…it’s all just a memory.

As I drove around the city yesterday, driving Syd to a sleepover and running errands…a bit more of the realization that Ev isn’t going to be waiting at home hits me…a call from Mike Herzog…and I’m in traffic pouring tears…

After that I went over to the Russett’s to give Fletch a hand with his computer…sat around with Mandy and cried 3 or 4 times…I’m great company

Too much…I thought I might turn to the bottle yesterday…it was my plan…for better or worse I only managed 3 drinks.  A visit from Ben Jolicoeur saved me from seeing half way through a bottle for sure.  I do feel better for that today…

Another super tired day yesterday, by the time 5pm rolled around I felt cross eyed.  In the end though I may have only had 5 hours of sleep…I went to bed on a full stomach and still didn’t cross over to dream land and stay there…

Charlotte had a few play dates yesterday, one took her out to monkey around and when she got home from that a neighbor friend came over to play…house.  Sadly they are playing a game of mommies and babies….but Charlotte’s mommy is gone, and she doesn’t know where….

I tell her I love her…I tell her again….wracking tears…

It isn’t fair….I know…I’ve said it a thousand times…life isn’t fair…

The kids did have a good day though, everyone had a sleepover or a play date…they all went to bed happy.

I hit the scale this morning at 116.2 pounds, another low…I’m not sure how as a polished off a huge roast beef dinner with potatoes and brussel sprouts just before bed…

Anyway…the weight loss does add to my worry, I couldn’t drop weight like this if I tried…but I guess massive stress will do it…

Kevin Parker, Super Fat
Lots of people have become super heroes in my life, friends, neighbors and acquaintances that have come around to help me and the kids in some way…big or small…

Here is one of those super heroes, Fat Parker…

Geez Kev…it’s time to hit the shakes…

Talking with Beagle yesterday we discussed the fact that his trip south is quickly approaching…he would normally be living off boiled chicken and water…or just plain old starvation diet rules by this time…

There is now only 11 pounds between us Beagle…11 tiny pounds…

Seamus called yesterday asking about the man blog…I think he secretly longs to see his face on the man blog…the embarrassment hasn’t been realized yet.

Today I would like to thank the Herzog’s, Russett’s, Jolicoeur’s, Milne’s…where would that list stop???  Anyway, this particular list of people are either trying to keep me Fat, Well, Fit, and most importantly happy.  I’ll also extend some thanks to neighborhood friends that have the consideration to drop off books, touch base with kind words, and just generally check in to make sure I’m okay.  I’ll also thank some of the ‘strangers’ that have contacted me recently and to Andrea and Shelley…Ev didn’t know that she was touching so many lives, in fact it wasn’t until her final weeks that she even realized there were so many people that loved her.  She did cry over that, harder than I have ever seen her cry…the realization that she was so loved was with her…and I thank all of you for that…

Today will not be the day I don’t cry….

The Quote Of The Day:

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
Washington Irving

Unspeakable love…I would say that love is lost but it simply isn’t true.  A small amount of my love for Ev is lost, the rest is in my heart, I share it with the kids…

Not so cold today and no snow…We will be into January only having to shovel twice…

Cheerio