Monthly archives January 2014

3 buffets a day for a week…

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The trials and tribulations…that’s what it’s all about.  You see the diet part is easy, you make the choice to eat better, less, or not at all and you lose weight.  And really, the exercise part of it just speeds the process up, it isn’t required.  Let’s start with that, the sweaty bit.  It doesn’t matter if you bike. run, treadmill or lift…it’s as simple as calories in minus calories out.  You’re speeding up the transition from chunk to slim.  Lifting burns calories and putting on muscle will make you burn more…the problem is that while you’re dieting you can’t really put muscle on…unless of course you are consuming over 200 grams of protein a day…and you may very likely need a kidney in the future.

Isn't sweating fun

Isn’t sweating fun?

Truly its all about what you eat, burning an extra 500 calories at the gym won’t make a difference if you consume a single muffin…just one and you’ll have to head back for more of the gym.

As you lose a bit of the chub you burn less calories…yes even fat burns the damn things, so it gets harder to lose as you get slimmer…on diet alone.  Then there must be a punishment somewhere along the way.

MY point in all the above is this…any of us can eat right, less, or not at all and lose weight…do it one day a week do it for 21 days or do it all your life…

The problem with the man diet is all the non diet days…Wednesday night poker will never offer a salad…I could not eat at all, and have many times…but we do play some nights for 12 straight hours…I need food!

Parker tied me after the GBG Yurting trip at 246.6, he is back on the shakes and is hoping to get down to 220 I think…wouldn’t that be nice.  Beagle has 9 days to go before he heads off to Mexico and wants to lose 10 more pounds.

Me…I booked a last minute to Cuba yesterday…the diet is off for at least 8 days!

Pool Whale, the man blog

Me at the pool, the man blog

So here I am at the pool, my mojito is sweating away somewhere close by…another 3 buffet a day week…

These are the trials to the man diet…these things…it’s the living part of our life that makes us fat, yurting, poker, trips, friends, neighbors…

We aren’t getting fat at work, helping our kids with homework, shovelling the driveway…

Off I go to Cuba without a base tan and my wife doesn’t think we should pick up sunscreen?

I love a good tan as much as the next guy…I do not enjoy working through a 3rd degree sunburn to get it…I’m going to sport a 60 day one, then a 30…all the way down to that glistening oil…Bacon anyone?

You think the idea of seeing me in all my glory on a beach is scary?  Try being present at this event…this man has never held a gun before…Parker goes big!  Warning…loud gun shots and englishman giggles…

He didn’t shoot anything…which is amazing considering the size of the hill he was aiming at!

As far as my other resolutions go…I’m at the guitar every day and my coding always improving…I have a bunch of web changes I have to complete for a client tonight before I fly….better not forget that!

For those of you not flying south…it is supposed to be nice next week…stay warm!

The Quote of the Day…no truer words were ever said:

My goal is to hit the gym every day I’m on vacation. Usually I just end up sleeping and drinking beer.
Gary Allan 

That sums it up!

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And the winner is…

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Another Wednesday night poker…

cold poker

At least the cards were hot…

I actually tried to get out of this one but had trapped myself with poker chips in my truck…the last of the Yurting punishments.

I took it easy on the food yesterday, and last night…I may have had 4 or 5 ribs…plus…some scotch and beer.

All of that and guess what…243 even.  Not bad…

No word from Parker…am I to assume he is waiting for a couple days of shakes before he gives the nod to the scale?  He did have quite a few feasts on the yurting trip…all but one included syrup!

No Syrup?

No Syrup?

Maybe we will hear from him today!  I can tell you he said he’d be back on the shakes…no wide eyes for that!

Beagle is down to 195!  He is 10 pounds away from his target and 10 days out from his vacation.  Yesterday before poker he had nothing to eat…zero…nothing…nada…he did consume 1 single chicken wing at poker….one…and 10 tracksuits, at 7 pumps a piece that has got to be 26 ounces of liquor and a dozen redbulls…

I’m not sure how he is feeling today…lighter than me for sure…but the old intestinal track has got to be reeling.

Last night at poker was a ‘snow day’.  Which is called from high when we are going to consume monstrous amount of booze-ola…I didn’t get in too deep, I think I was home around 2ish, $575 in pocket to boot!  The dozen plus ounces of alcool I managed to put back aren’t leaving me in the best of resolves today but I’ve been worse…like Monday morning of the frozen yurting trip…I can feel my face today…no need to check for frostbite!

My guitar practice is coming along nicely…rocksmith 2014…it’s great!…I’m also working through Justinguitar online lessons too, it’s more about learning individual chords than is Rocksmith…it kind of teaches a method I guess…Anyway, I think if I keep up at this pace I’ll be rocking out in no time!

Oh…no gym for me this week…I should go hit the treadmill but I really don’t feel like it…har har…we will see if that changes.  My wrist is killing me…it’s swollen from dealing cards, I don’t see bench pressing as an option.  Beagle has been pounding out time on his elliptical, he sent me a photo of the screen which show he went 2 km in 23 minutes.  How do they calculate that…by stride length?  Beagle is on there trying to strike a balance between floating and flying away…2 more balloons and the entire machine will be laying up against the stipple…And we wonder why there is a helium shortage…it’s a none renewable resource Beagle, go easy!

No more balloons?

No more balloons?

So that’s it for today, I strive to eat well today much like yesterday…without the beer and scotch…I know…empty promises to myself…

Chunk is hoping to fly south too…Beagles used up all the cheap options so I guess I’ll be looking to fly via jet…hopefully one seat will be enough for me!

Beagle sent me the Quote of the day yesterday…a bit crude but here goes:

The easiest way to be Happy is to simply not give a fek what others think of you.

-Beagle

I think Beagle, Parker and I have that one down.

Cheerio…stay warm!

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There will be frostbite.

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Let’s start with a bit of the old weight…

At this moment in time I weigh in at………246.6

Not bad at all considering the man weekend I just survived.  10 guys, 3 days, 2 nights, tents, and temperatures never above -20.

The annual GBG Yurting trip is in its 6th or seventh year, but this is the first time I’ve signed on for the punishment.

GBG Yurting 2014

GBG Yurting 2014

A great time had by all, dozens of moments I wanted to record in the man blog…most forgotten…mainly due to the fact that most of the funniest moments happen late…deep into the war against frostbite.  The weapon of choice for this war seemed to be rum, and we put back plenty of it.

For the 2 day stint I purchased 18 beers and a 26 oz bottle of rum.  I came home with 16 beer…seems reasonable considering that the bottle of rum lasted less than 8 minutes.  We arrived at the campground in Algonquin park mid afternoon, unpacked, and the festivities began.  10 guys cracking beers, a bit of outdoor darts…yes it’s minus 40 with the wind chill at this point…and I bring out the rum…

26 ounces consumed in 10 minutes…the wolf pack demolished it, luckily I was able to find the resources at a local pub for a replacement…

GBG winter dart challenge

GBG winter dart challenge

So…camp fire is roaring, many drinks consumed, darts…time to head to town for dinner.  This is something you have to get over with early, town is 30 minutes away and you’ve got 2 drivers that have had to watch the others drinking while they shiver and shudder…we’re all cold…but they are sober enough to know it!

We load up!  2 vehicles, off we go…

It’s been snowing, the 60 highway through Algonquin park isn’t pretty…half way to town the lead car pulls over, we pull up beside them and roll down our window…

We forgot Trafford!

camo

Trafford is invisible in his camo…

Geezus…Trafford must have gone into the Yurt to change his shirt and off the rest of us fled!   At first he tells us he thought we had pulled out as a joke…that we’d return any moment….the moment did not come to pass and he sent out texts for an evac.

The car turned around and headed back for him while we went ahead to begin negotiations for a new bottle of rum.

Old Trafford left behind!

Old Trafford left behind!

Negotiations were successful with one of the patrons, we all sat down for a couple of pitchers of beer, Trafford’s return, and fish and chips for everyone!

Mad Musher

Mad Musher

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back to the Yurt for some drinks, cards, and plenty of laughs.

Now the Yurt seems warm, 10 big guys, a small heater…if it’s working…and plenty of alcohol…you’ll be fooled into taking off your sweater, it will seem like t-shirt weather in there.  Maybe this happens in Yurt 38, but Yurt 36…the one that Paul and I picked…there is no t-shirt weather in there.  The heater in our living quarters is there for looks, when it does turn on…for one minute out of every 3, all day and night long, it spits out a bit of mild warmth, but it isn’t going to overtake the -44 outside or the 1 inch gap under our front door!

Highlight of the first night, what does the Fox say?  The fox says, hand over the beef jerky sucka.

Feeding the Fox

Feeding the Fox

Hand fed the fox which was interesting, the animal isn’t much bigger than a poodle, but it’s teeth are twice as long!  Luckily for me it is more gentle than our dog at removing food from between your finger tips.

Now, the next morning while talking to the park host I came to realize that there is a $250 fine for feeding the wildlife.  Plus he did point out that if someone mistook that gentleness for say…petability…they may realize what those long teeth are for…and it could be a child thinking it might want a cuddly hug.

He is worried, and for good reason, that they would put the animal down if it bit someone, which they would have to…and a great sin it would be.

That was pretty much it for the first night, we played card games until long after midnight then I stumbled off to my own yurt…a plastic covered mattress with surface temperatures a touch colder than your refrigerator and a heater that blinks on just long enough to shake you out of your snooze…but if you could get inside your sleeping bag…and I mean all of you in it…you would survive the night.

The next morning I get out of my yurt to see the sun shining down and the temps again around -25.  Off we go into town again for some breakfast…I have the hangover special, eggs, sausage, bacon and ham plus french toast.

No Syrup

No Syrup

Parker finds out that they are out of syrup due to terrible road conditions the truck hasn’t delivered…

Ya, there wasn’t much of a man diet had by any of us this past weekend…but again, I’m only at 246.6, still waiting on Parker’s report.

Now, we did have a huge breakfast, but ahead of us was 6 km of snowshoeing and a soccer game…so off we go.

First, I did snow shoe for about a kilo, then I realized from watching Adam ahead of me that he was losing footing due to the trail just being wide enough for the snowshoes to pass one another, and that the trail was compacted so snowshoes weren’t needed…and to try these facts out off came my snowshoes…so I hiked the remaining 5 km.  The first half of which was the best, without snowshoes I could move faster than the other guys, while they were trudging along I was stopping here and there for a look.  There are still some old grown trees right beside the path, ones that 3 grown men couldn’t get there arms around…

I’m no tree hugger, but I like to take a moment…touch that tree and say a word or 2…are we out here snowshoeing to sweat or to take in a bit of the old forest?  I can sweat in the sauna…Besides, these big old trees were left behind for a reason, they clear cut this land at one point and left behind one in a thousand trees…might as well seek them out.

Next up…soccer.  England vs Scotland.  The Englishman put me on the Scottish team with an Italian because they are suckers for punishment.  Our soccer field is only 20 feet wide, so getting past me at almost 5 feet wide isn’t going to be easy!  I know…I know…chunk shouldn’t be so hard on himself…I’m no more than 3 feet wide…but now I have my snow gear on…Write goodyear on the side of me with a handfull of Beagles balloons and I’m off to the superbowl for a low fly over.

The Scottish come away victorious…although I did mangle the wrist…an excuse not to lift for a week at least, but the treadmill will be victimized.

A fine dinner of home made soup and chili, a bit of the vino, a few beers, a bit of cards…then back to the yurt to practice my Tutankhamun imitation.  Our heater has steadily declined…if there was a gas station open I could have made it to off I would have been at that point.  Slept that second night with the light on as neither of us was willing to get up to turn it off, not that it matters because I am inside my sleeping bag trying to stay warm…Inside inside.  My head too.  The only thing that would have made my sleep better was if the sleeping bag had a zipper the entire way around…it is possibly above freezing in the yurt….maybe…

I wake up at just after 4 am…I’m not sure what time it is at this point because my phone is frozen…yep…I hit the auto start on the truck and begin the gamble that a gas station is going to be open with the 70 km my fuel gauge says I have left until empty…and Paul and I only had to wait 15 minutes for the gas station in Barry’s Bay to open.

Next year…I pack a second heater…

Snowshoeing

Snowshoeing

The man diet begins again, today I will not have chocolate, no chips!  I won’t even have beer or scotch…today I diet!

The Quote de jour, a testament to the Golden Boys soccer club:

A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably
William Penn

Stay warm…

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We be Jammin…and for once it ain’t food mon

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A decade ago I thought I might learn to play the geetar….I did make a half ass attempt, I took guitar lessons and knew my cords pretty well.  Other things trumped the importance of that and I gave it up.  I have picked up the guitar over the years but I never really put in any effort.

Now I’m trying out Rocksmith 2014, which is like a real life guitar hero.  You use a real guitar to attempt to play songs, plus there are lessons and games…so far it seems like a good tool to hone your beginner skills.

I’ve been playing enough that my finger tips ache…while I’m at it I just want to put the guitar down and take a break…but the damn thing tries to suck me in…look away foul geetar…look away…

I want to pick it up again and pluck a couple more strings, get 1% better in a song…get a new personal best in a game…

Oh the pain…the agony!

I will get a break while I’m camping tomorrow and Monday…whaaa?  camping when the high is minus 17?  Yaaa…idiot!

I have looked into it, the yurt does have an electric heater, 1500 watts…there won’t be any sweating!  Hey…I’m shaking my head too, you are not alone!

5 hours of snowshoeing and a game of snow soccer?  It’s insanity!

There will be no diet again until Tuesday at which time I may try a new angle, a straighter direction…I’m not sure the beer and scotch diet worked.  It did make me stronger, I regained the use of my wrist…I’m not terribly embarrassed to be at the gym…But the actual diet portion of my diet, I’m not sure it existed…

Beagle and I be jammin

Beagle and I be jammin

Well I will give a new diet a try…a real no beer diet…the pain, oh the pain…

I may have to have a shake or 2…sadly.  Sad for me and sad for my poor kidneys.  It’s the only way I can skip a meal and keep the old metabolism in check though…maybe a shake for dinner with a sensible breakfast and lunch…lol…I know, very funny!

Let’s be honest, most days I do eat okay until the evening, it’s not like I’m having beer for breakfast, no scotch at lunch…it’s mainly an after dinner treat.

Well enough is enough…is enough?  IS enough enough?

ah…shit, who knows…I do know I haven’t even seen 239.9, that’s no good.  I don’t see the guitar playing helping out on the waist line…But look I’m 2 out of 3 on my resolution so far…I’m doing the guitar thing…and I continue to hone my programming skills!  I just have to lose weight now!  Should be no problem.  HAA HAA HAA…half…10…haaalf….20….haalf…30…Haaaalf….

I really want to lose 40 pounds!  Hell it’s only been 4 years or so since I was under 210!  what’s the big deal?  Wait, I know, I know…pick me pick me…You can’t do it because of beer and m&m almonds!!!  DONKEY!

Well I do have some catching up to do…but I will start on honest attempt to lose as much as Kevin and Beagle have…starting Tuesday.   That’s very very funny…I know…

Quote of the Day:

There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself. – Anonymous

Does that include fat me?

Stay warm…keep cool!

 

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I bet we could play Jingle bells….

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Snowshoeing for 5 hours???
Does that sound like fun?  Might you like a high of minus 20 thrown in with that?

Sunday-Monday this week the Golden Boys go Yurting in Algonquin park…it shall be cold!

A little winter soccer, some snowshoeing, a bit of poker…the usual guy stuff…this all done at below ball freezing temperatures…and I’m not talking about Nike world league balls either…

Yesterday was a day of recovery, Wednesday night poker may have been a moment of weakness.  There was in fact a late night blog after Wednesday night poker but although I had a few beers I still had the presence of mind to have the editor in chief review the post…

This is what made it through…………………………………………………………

A late night man blog…the first!  I’m normally refining my posts some what…and I will tonight, a wee bit less.

Half way past midnight, lost at poker.

A couple of beers, 2 wee scotches before poker……a beer, 4 – 7 pump tracksuits and a yager during…

No luck for me…not playing cards at all really, blowing off steam… a.k.a life…a.k.a stress

Diet?  No… I’ve had wings, flings, pizza and cookies…too many of each.  Shall we weigh in…no way!  But I had fun, a necessary evil…I could find another, the good book…a meeting of some sort…but a group therapy session over a few drinks and a game of cards seems fitting…and look…it works!

Conversations at the table includes the man blog of course, the midgetmax, yurting, teachers, gov workers, furnaces, how boring it is when your wife and kids are away, sexuality, fuel economy, women’s tennis, rich friends, poverty, fast cars, fat dogs, football…we run the gamut…

Parker is drinking his first beer tonight after 20 plus days, not with us…but he is at it somewhere.  Beagle is at the table…flings and all.  He only had one single itty bitty cookie though, I saved him from 11 out of the dozen!

maybe a trip to the midgetmax, it’s 24 hours on Wednesday…let’s see how they deal with cleaning up that mess! Maybe another time.

————several bits edited here——————————————-

The Quote of the Day (or night…or morning):

I keep thinking I’m a grown up, but I’m not.

LA Story

My all time favourite movie, A hundred perfect quotes about life, love and happiness await you in this 90 minutes

What else do I have but….Cheerio……….

……………………………………………………………………

That does not count as the quote of today…That was yesterday at 3 am’s quote of the day.  See, drunk Vic isn’t that much stupider than sober Vic!

No weigh in Until Tuesday morning, after the camping weekend.  There is a slim chance I get frostbite of the leg and it requires removal…I will then weigh in at a new low!  But I do enjoy having the second leg at this time…

Parker is posting photos of the enjoyment of beer…he is off his shakes until Tuesday…and Beagle…his vacation is getting closer so he will have to ramp up the starvation.

On Tuesday will I really start dieting?  Geezus.

My kind of snowshoeing

My kind of snowshoeing

There will be some exercise this weekend, with the snowshoeing and the soccer…but I’m sure there will be plenty of beer and deep fried food too!  We will see how that works out in the end for Parker, I’m betting some of that solid food shows up on the scale on Tuesday!

Me…It’ll be gobble as usual since I have been stuffing just about whatever I want in my face over the past 3 weeks while I’ve been ‘dieting’.

You know…it’s really cold….really.  Over cards on Wednesday we were trying to guess the heat source in one of these Yurts…it can’t be wood can it?  It’s too risky for the Government to rent out tents with woodstoves…electric?  I mean there is a heat source in these things right?  That or I guess I’m sleeping in the truck…I can’t say I’ll be cartwheeling all the way up to this camping weekend, but the boys have been doing it every year…crazy b@st@rds!

Today I’ll be trying to find the warmest gloves possible…maybe some heated underwear!  Since Dr. Weiss got his hands on me I don’t think heated underwear are much of a risk…so gloves, a sleeping bag, 24 beers, some sort of warming liquor…a bit of scotch I suppose…something to pack a lunch???a few snacks…Gone for 2 days 5 minutes outside of civilization may seem daunting to some but I think I’ll survive…besides, what’s 5 minutes…

Quote of the Day:

[as they walk to the restaurant, a loud clanging sound is heard]
Harris: What’s that clanging sound?
Roland: It’s a nuisance. It’s my damn testicles.

Another from LA Story…now come on…that’s me after 3 hours of soccer at -20.

Keep it sunny side up folks……………

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Sometimes a picture says 2 words…

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Another beautiful day! Freezing cold!

I took a day off the gym, a pleasure for sure.  Hit the sauna, the hot tub…and I ate right all day without any late night snacks!  The result…not much…if I lean just right on the scale I can get it to show 243…

Not what I was hoping for this morning.

Last night I was going to a little house warming slash hockey thing at a friends house, a few beers, a snack…then I received this!

Kevin at 242

The Wanker is less than me

I could have rotated this image for your viewing pleasure but you know what…the hell with that, turn the old noggin.

242.2 for Parker, the shakes are paying off for him it seems, much more than beer is for me!

For those that missed Parker’s comment on yesterday’s post, he is taking PGX shakes.  I haven’t had one, I can only assume they are delicious. Not to poo poo on the shakes…it ain’t whole food and at some point you are going to have to add a touch of broc…or a wee slice of toast with tea…

I worry that the body is having an easy time digesting that processed protein and the price will be pounds at the finish line…but Parker assures me he will see this to the end…which was the photo of skinny Parker posted yesterday.

Suck it blogger

Suck it blogger

THIS is what I received from Beagle!  The photo came with a wee message…Suck it Blogger!

Is that nice talk?  Or maybe he is referring to huffing helium from his balloons…

Beagle notes he is at 11 pounds lost and holding after Boston pizza, pasta, garlic bread, a coke, a box O’ Reese pieces and a box of mike and Ike’s.

What do you think of that Parker?

To be fair I have lost weight right…I’m at 243 from 249, that’s 6 poundareenos!

Today I will have to go to the gym…the Plyomax aka Midgetmax.  Yesterday I heard that a trainer at the gym referred to the ladies in one of the classes as stupid and lazy…one of the 50 year old ladies decided to walk out at that point to which was commented that pushups and situps aren’t for everyone…okay…

Further the Midgetmax…I was on a bike over the weekend doing a warm up when I saw a nice older woman, comfortably in her 60’s, hand a photocopy of an x-ray to her personal trainer for review.  I could see it was a big joint, looked most likely like a knee.  Young PT is under 25, and having completed his 2 day CANFitPro Personal Trainer certification is now able to review X-ray’s and offer prognoses…I mean in all likelihood the kid didn’t graduate high school.  As the young lad mulled over the sheet of paper, mainly black with the stark white reflection of a bone…possibly human…he looked at me over his shoulder…I wonder what he was thinking…

Man…I’m like a doctor now…wait until I tell suzy at the 7-11…

As I pedalled away I made my own prognoses of the situation, I know I wasn’t as close to the image as the young Certified PT was but I believe my assessment is dead on…

Jane…I have bad news…from looking at this photocopy of your leg x-ray I can tell you this…You’re HP Printer is running low on black ink…um Jane…do you have a letter from your doctor clearing you to work out with these concerns?

Sadly I was too far to hear what PT had to say to the kindly older lady…but I bet he promised her she’d be dancing like a teenager again if only she would sign and prepay for 12 months of Personal Training.

Which brings me to this…the first woman above…the walk out…The owner of the Midgetmax told her Point Blank that she would not see any improvement at all unless she signed up for personal training…

You know what…this same woman used to weigh over 300 pounds!!!  How some dirk can look over a woman enjoying such great success and tell her she will never succeed…

All Praise the Athletic Club when it opens a year from now…it will be hard to hold my midgetmax membership until then.

Who runs a business like this…its embarrassing.

Seeing as Parker and the Beagle both offered a measurable photo, here is mine…

150 degrees in the sauna

150 degrees in the sauna

It’s not all about weight…

So I got to sweat on the cheap, without all the heavy lifting and running. On cold Canadian days being in the sauna as the temperature creeps past 60 is nice, very nice…

 

The Quote of the Day!

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.
Samuel Goldwyn

 

Cheers!

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I loathe myself…its simple!

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Yes I’ve done some late night snacking, I’ve had beer and liquor, popcorn and candy, pop and chocolate bars…I’ve had late night meat and cheese, pizza and toast…I’ve had late night juicing…

Ahhhh….Late night juicing…THAT’s what I should have had last night!

Damn myself!  double damn me!!!

I woke up yesterday and clicked and clattered out my blog, the day in the life of flubber (notice I didn’t say old, fat, chunk or chubby).  I had scrambled eggs and sausage for breakfast thinking I’d keep the carbs low.

I went to the midgetmax and put in a good workout which included steady lifting and some time on the treadmill.  For lunch I had some chicken tortilla creation from my beautiful wife…the tortilla was lettuce…healthy again.  The kids got home between 2 and 4 and we started the decomposition of the adult mind.  At around 5 I decided it was time for one tiny beer with my neighbor which became 2 and a wee tiny portion of Chivas…

Yes, that is not good, bad bad bad…but when I returned home I did nothing but have a bit of meat, no more carbs…My lovely wife was out teaching brownies yoga…or doing a kettlebell class for a young girls soccer team…whatever…it resulted in her coming home with 2 boxes of girl guide cookies!

chicken tortillas

chicken tortillas

You see that lunch right there, chicken, tomato, red pepper and avocado…what do you think the health benefits of that are over the course of a day that includes 2 beers, a shot of Chivas and a box of girl guide cookies?

Pardon?  I wonder if the chocolate ones or the vanilla ones are more beneficial…which has more antioxidants…To be safe I tried to have an equal number of each which I believe was somewhere around 10!

Where does that leave me on the scale?

244, same as yesterday…a GD groundhog day like every other GD groundhog day.  What did I expect?  I knew exactly what was going to happen this morning on the scale…in fact I was surprised to see it hadn’t gone up…a testament to hard work in the gym!

That skinny Parker is still down a pound a day, informing me yesterday he has lost 18 pound on the miracle shake diet.

shake diet

Skinny Parker

Parker has been on the shake diet for 18 days and has lost 18 pounds.  I don’t even know where these shakes come from to tell you the truth, the grocery store, isagenix, some home made recipe…I will find out and report back.  I’m not entirely jealous of Parker’s new physique, I mean yes it would be nice to lose 18 pounds right now but I’m not sure I want to take the shakes…I really sort of like food… and beer…and cookies!

There was a time not too many years ago that I ran at least 5 k every day, the gym 4 days a week and drank beer and ate ice cream every day…  I was 205 pounds and was much stronger than I am now.  I think its the k’s I’m missing at this point…You see there is no doubt I can maintain this weight doing what I’m doing now…I just don’t want this to be the weight I’m maintaining!

Anyway, we are supposed to snow shoe for hours to no end next week and I’m not sure if skinny Parker is going to make it…he is safe against bear attack though…I’m going to be on the menu long before skin and bone Parker.  Beagle isn’t offering up pictures of the scale this week, that could mean the Colonel has dropped into his life.  One whiff of the Kentucky Fried goodness and Beagle would lose a pound of saliva on the spot!  He hasn’t eaten in 14 days!

Today I should eat more of the chicken tortilla thing…it was a delicious meal and props to my lovely wife for putting it together…at one time she could burn a grilled cheese at every attempt!  Well she is beautiful and can out lift Parker and Beagle…There is so much fitness going on at my house that tiny 3 year old Charlotte will randomly do burpees or a few kettlebell swings…She has been throwing together new healthy recipes for some time now…there are hits and misses…You see if the recipe calls for sugar…something must go in it, honey, a few bananas…hell some berries, some sort of sweetness.  Almond flour is not a substitute for sugar…

Today I may take the day off the gym, I felt tired yesterday and was weaker…5 days of straight lifting is tiresome.

I hope you all a great day, those of you in the arctic like myself…stay warm!  Sauna Time!!!

Quote of theeeee Day:

Did you ever see the customers in health – food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half – dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying, of course, but they look terrific.
Bill Cosby

There is a place in between too much and too little…not many of us have found it and most that think they have are lying to themselves.

Cheerio!

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Good to the very end…almost

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I did diet this weekend, I ate right, not too much, not too little.

I’ve been to the gym every day, pushing hard. no breaks, sweating my ass off.

The result…244.  It’s laughable really.  I’m getting stronger, back to what I was a few months ago, but I was still 10 pounds lighter then.

Last night before bed I may have eaten a half pound of cheese and crackers…I was hungry!  I worked out hard yesterday, and leg day at the plyomax (otherwise known as the midgetmax) is no fun at all.  I know I sound like a broken record but I have to speak out about the useless equipment set for use by anyone under 5’8″, it’s unsafe!  I should have went to the goodlife but on a Sunday morning it would have been packed…at the midgetmax I’m the only one there.  Me and 3 personal trainers.  By the end of my workout we were tied at 3 and 3, not that the staff realize we are there, they chat amongst themselves, fine with me, at my age I don’t want the advise of some 20 year old weekend warrior fitness trainer.

These kids look at themselves in the mirror and think they will never be the shape that those 40 year old guys are in…HA…those puppets don’t realize we were 20 once.  Suckers!

I watched 12 Years a Slave last night, great movie.  I could have done without Brad Pitt, not sure he put anything into that set, but a great movie.

Over the Saturday Sunday split I only drank one HALF of a beer.  I went out to join a couple of my neighbors last night, likely the last of the good weather for a week, but shortly after my arrival it was dinner time and quits was called.  I poured my half can down the sink…I really have been good and do think we will see the scale moving soon if I keep it up, I’m simply working out too hard not to eat.  I could drink protein shakes but I rather eat whole food right now…

Kevin told me he was down 17 pounds yesterday, he is still pushing a pound a day, of course he will gain 10 of it back next weekend when the boys go out Yurting, it will be fun but we will pack a pound or 10 on for sure.  The Beagle has not provided a recent update but he does have the ability to starve himself like no one else you know…hell he could be a teen movie star!

Hey who am I to comment negatively on those 2, I’m the fat one!

3 stooges I was able to dig this little photo up out of the depths of the interweb.  This is Kevin, Beagle and I at one of those dress up, old time, photo booths…you know…

Not the actual real photo, but when I saw it the image sprang to mind.  The only reason we ended up in these outfits is that the shirts are part of a shrek costume and that’s all they had that would fit Parker and I!!!  Now obviously Beagle has starved himself successfully down to 90 pounds in this photo…good for him!

Beagle is on his way to the beach though, he will be spending 7 glorious days in the hot sun with his shirt off…there is a certain number of mojitos that provide me with that sort of I don’t care if people point and laugh.  The number ain’t low either…the number is somewhere between drooling and falling down.

If ladies were ice cream cones.

If ladies were ice cream cones.

Another image from the depths of the internet, of course in this one you’ll have to squint really hard and imagine that those 2 ladies are actually soft serve ice cream cones.  The ice cream is free at many southern haunts and Beagles bare feet will leave there mark in front of one in Mexico quite a few times the week he presents himself there.  Otherwise known as vacation, aka the end of Beagles diet!

Beagle has said this will be the time he stays down.  Let’s be honest, how many more times can we do this to ourselves?

Every quit diet ends the same way…Fatter!

The Quote of the day…geezus:

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
Ron White

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Strike a pose…

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I had the misfortune of commenting on a fellow facebookers post regarding Kevin Ogar, the 28 year old crossfitter recently paralysed while competing.  And I understand her passion for the sport, she is active in it so is her spouse.

Kevin was 6’2, 210 pounds.  In great shape.  He was attempting a snatch of 235 pounds when he lost his balance and released the bar behind himself, it hit standing plates, bounced back and struck his spine.  His life is changed forever.

Initially,as she refered to the lift as successful, I commented that I didn’t see the lift as a success. Most undeniably a failure.  It became a conversation regarding our decomposition of the video available of the accident.  Being a bit of a geek I downloaded the video from Youtube, giving me the ability to break it down frame by frame I could clearly see him lose his balance…he bailed badly and got unlucky with a bad bounce. In the end she took it as an attack against crossfit, something I see plenty of CFer’s jumping too conclude, that any comment is an attack rather than a personal observation…we just don’t understand…

Kevin was a certified crossfit professional, level 1, he took a weekend course.  I note on his profile page that he also attended one or more specialty courses, although they did not promote his crossfit level.

I comment on this in regards to the fitness industry entirely, the bologna certifications you can receive over a weekend.  You see there are no real governing bodies over these certifications.  A Canfitpro certification is a piece of paper, as is crossfit, wellness coaching, yoga instruction, spin… it’s created to make money not to entirely benefit the participant.

At the gym Friday I was on the squat rack when a guy organized a seated bench under the smith machine to perform a shoulder press.  Not being a certified instructor but having worked out for decades it’s my personal opinion that a shoulder press should not be done on the smith but that’s just one fat old man’s opinion.  Besides, there were 2 personal trainers at the Plyomax at that time, one of them could give him direction.  Between sets I stand by while this guy racks out 450 pounds on the smith.  I’m out of my mind at this point as I doubt an NFLer could shoulder press 450…  He sits and the bar is set at a safety point about an inch below his max extension, he would be able to clear the safety if he had the ability…he lifts the weight…shaking and shuddering he tries to clear the safety while I watch…if he clears this safety and unlocks his arms he will be killed certainly…

Luckily he was unable to do it….he shakes and sputters…but releases the bar, writes down on his workout sheet what I suppose he considers a successful lift, and off he goes to murder himself somewhere else.

My point is…a good coach a certificate program does not make you.  If this had happened at the Anytime Fitness in Manotick one of the personal trainers would have put it to an end.  I don’t currently lift there but when I did the trainers there were always willing to give advise, for your safety and to aid in your gains…or losses, whichever you were looking for.  Now, there are trainers at that gym with the highest level of certification from Canfit, not that I put weight on that…but they took the time to go many weekends.  Plus they own the place…they are standing guard over their investments…which include the gym and it’s customers.

If a coach at the crossfit competition had thought to move the weight stack back Kevin Ogar would be walking today.

Now Crossfitters say that they push past the limits, and that is the rube.  At the gym you should stop once you can’t make a lift in perfect form.  At that point you have done too many with too much, either take some weight off and go again or take a break.  I can point you to plenty of videos, Kevin’s and others, showing lifts with terrible form, over weighted attempts.  Coaches standing by…

grumpy old fat men

grumpy old fat men

Anyway…that is a Rant…I admit it.  On to other topics…

Zizi’s kitchen for dinner on Friday…delish of course.  Ate too much and drank a few too.  You really must give it a try.

I have hit the gym steady since Thursday, again later today in an attempt to lean out.  Leg day which is moving up on my list of things to do.  On Friday I went to the gym with a bakers cyst and thought I might as well do a couple squats to see how it felt…and that on a non leg day!  Well I squatted out 300 and my knee actually feels better…go figure.  The day I hate most these days seems to be back and biceps, that day incorporates plenty of wrist and my recent break is not 100%.

Parker is down 17 pounds on the shakes, Russett probably the same, and fatty hasn’t lost anything…I have gained the strength back I lost while in a cast though, my weight should start to ween away shortly.

What gets me here, packing on pounds?  Family, injury, indulgence…  I put on 20 pounds when Charlotte came along, eating with Ev and working out less and less, a torn ACL took me away from sports, another 10 pounds, a dislocated shoulder took me out of the gym…another 10…a broken wrist…it goes on and on.

None of the above was able to slow down my eating and drinking…praise to the tiny baby geezus for that. I may not be in the shape I was in at 28, or 35… but I’m getting it done.

I know…a sombre post from Chunk today…but it is the weekend and weekend posts are the exception.

Quote of the day, for my crossfit friend:

Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.
John Wooden

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Happy? No…but there are eggrolls…

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Not losing weight isn’t fun when you’re ‘dieting’.  Let’s be honest, this week wasn’t dieting.  Eating late…drinking beer…No good.

Ya I hit the gym a few days but it isn’t enough.

Lost at poker last night and was home early.  Opened the fridge and had a short conversation with a take out container of red curry, it told me to eat it and grab the eggrolls.  Who am I to argue with an aluminum container.  This at what…10 pm.  This morning I weighed in at 245…its laughable really.

Parker commented on yesterdays blog that he is down 14 pounds, a pound a day for 2 weeks.  That’s good, maybe I should hit the shakes…but I can not.  I will not…I do not like to drink diet shakes.  I really need to hunker down into a couple weeks of hardcore diet…some day soon.

Unlike Parker and Beagle I have longer term goals, I want to be 220 by April.  Parker’s goal is 10 days away, when we go Yurting and Beagle is targeting a trip to Mexico in February.  At this rate I won’t even make April…but I am trying.

I’m digging through my collection of images for Parker but can’t find one suitable…so let me post his doppelganger as I did for Beagle.

The Man Blog

Parker’s DoppelGanger

He is not the one in the bikini.  Seeing as we are poking at Parker today here is an up…Looking for home, life or disability insurance?  Parker is the top rated salesperson, he is something like the only platinum broker in Ontario…maybe Canada…anyway he can get you a great price on insurance for your house, mortgage, life, disability…why not save a few bucks?  http://lifeinsuranceottawa.ca

Beagle made me help him move his elliptical from the basement to the top floor yesterday.  250 pounds up the stairs.  He took the light end and the top so he is guiding it while I’m lifting…it was a pile of fun.  The result is that I had been getting a bit of a bakers cyst which is now feeling like a tennis ball at the back of my knee.  The joys of old knees.  As the knee doc said, there is nothing that can be done short of replacing it and I’m too young to get a new knee.  I Veto’d pain management so now you wait until the water on the knee drains down into your calf…sound like fun?

As I’ve said before, don’t give me the bad knee excuse, I’m squatting heavy and putting in miles on the treadmill with this useless old joint.  It isn’t helping me lose any weight but hell…I’m trying!

4 letter words

Broken Record….trying trying trying, I’m kidding myself, fatty hasn’t even begun to try, I’m in the discussion phase of my diet.

Sadly if Beagle and Parker continue to lose and I don’t the joke is going to be on me.  Maybe it’s time for some serious punishment…

The Quote of The Day:

“God, I hate judgemental people. They’re so mean…and fat.” 

― John R. Lindensmith

Peace OUT…

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The Fat Beagle…

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Fat Beagle

The Fat Beagle

First let me start by saying I found this wonderful image heading up a southern food eatery.  It’s to the point.

So, I will skip telling you my weigh in today…it’s just not in line with a diet blog.  Did I have a bad day yesterday?  No…I juiced, I had a sensible lunch…and I had a late dinner.  I kofte burger and fries from ZIZI’s Kitchen.

Those of you that haven’t had a chance to get to ZIZI’s in Riverside South…You are missing out.

Not only is the food excellent, it’s under priced!  What?  You heard it here, I don’t think the owner is charging enough for what he is plating…delish!    If you do manage a trip the hot italian pizza is excellent, the chicken gorgonzola is out of this world and the kofte burger is the best burger I’ve ever had!

So the Kofte burger and fries at 7 pm were not a great diet choice.  The food is good, it’s just too late to eat.

I did manage a trip to the gym, chest and triceps.  I managed to push the 80 pound dumbbells with my girly wrist, it is getting better.  I did a full set which means I could have pressed the 100’s but I have nightmare of re-breaking my wrist and eating rubber…I go slowly…I’m not embarrassed to be lifting anymore at least, much better for my manhood…which I am striving to protect here right…that is my hokie pokie!

Am I sore?  I’ve done the entire body in the last 3 days so I will only list what doesn’t hurt: my left ear, my nose, one of the toe nails on my right foot…not the big toe one but the one right beside it.

Parker and Beagle…???  Not sure about parker but beagle sent my a photo of the scale last night, and I took a quick shot of what I was doing at the exact moment…guess which photo belongs to which fat man!

fiddich

Fat 1 or Fat 2?

beagle scale

Fat 1 or Fat 2?

It’s likely not that tough to figure out.

One of us is down 13 pounds, the other had one tiny shot of scotch outside enjoying the last of the positive days for a while.

Guesses?

 

 

 

Poker night…the scale is going to suck tomorrow.  One of the guys asked who Beagle is…I haven’t been given the nod to use his real name but seeing as we’ve posted a few images today here are a couple of his Hollywood doppelganger…

Robo Beagle

No Runners Please

 

Beagle doppleganger

Pancakes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I do realize that the first image doesn’t clearly show Beagle’s doppelganger but just look at it…It just about made my entire day and it’s just after 5 am!  And then there is Robo Beagle…the gods are smiling down on me today.  I’ll likely win big at poker and eat 6 eggrolls without gaining any weight!

Before poker Beagle has requested that I help him carry his elliptical up from the basement…I consider this payback.  I believe he wants it in the master suite…his wife must be taking up too much closet space…the elliptical allows for 3 suits to be hung.

So…We’ve got just shakes and starvation down over 10 pounds each…and we have chubby hitting the gym so hard he can’t brush his teeth (possibly enjoying a wee scotch in the evening) gaining…

If any of the above statements seem mean…attacking…they aren’t, it’s just man talk…no big deal.  But let me clarify one thing, beagle did not win the table tennis…he won the pancake eating.

One last thing…I’ve been meaning to let you into this great secret but keep forgetting.  For years I used to use the men’s health personal trainer.  It’s a great tool, you track what you lift and it gives you a workout plan, adding weight or reps where it thinks you need it.  I had paid $20 a month…one day I took a good look at it and discovered I could use the same programs FOR FREE!  Take a look at FitClick.com

It’s free and it’s built by the best trainers in the world.  All you need to do is follow the plan.  Free baby!

The Quote of the day from an unknown author:

When I was in grade school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I wrote down happy.
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment,
I told them they didn’t understand life

 

Keep Smiling!

 

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The Groundhog Days…

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Nothing will ruin a great day of dieting like crackers and peanut butter at 10 pm.  Chunk worked out big time yesterday, legs and shoulders, squatting 300 pounds.  Talking the stairs today isn’t a lot of fun but working hard on big muscle groups is usually key in dropping chub.

A half decent crowd at the Plyomax.  I did attempt to get under the angled leg press again, just in case I was out of my mind the first 2 attempts, but no…it’s still for midgets…

Honestly the squat rack burns my britches also, it’s so short that if I attempted my 1 lift maximum I’d end up using it to get the bar off the rack…I’d have to perform half a squat just to get under the bar.

I was attempting to juice the day yesterday.  I went to the gym without food, doing my morning fast, then had a juice around lunch.  At 3 my darling wife wasn’t feeling well and asked me to get some crackers and ginger ale to try to settle her stomach…crackers you say?  Chunk loves crackers in his soup so he demolished a row around 3 pm and came back for more before bed.

That resulted in a weigh in of 242.6…the same as yesterday…Fak…

groundhog diet

groundhog days of dieting

If late night snacking wasn’t bad enough I may have had 2 beers and a wee pinch of scotch.  It’s simply too nice not to be out with the neighbors enjoying the day.

Now its before 4 am, I’m up, tired, starving and weighing the odds I’ll take the day off from the gym today.  I better go, an easy chest day anyway.

I’m thinking I may do my next leg day back at the goodlife, seeing as I have both memberships I might as well go where the equipment is man sized when I need to.

I seriously want to poke myself in the eye for killing my day yesterday…maybe if I don’t snack late today I’ll lose.  Maybe I could snack on a friggin apple rather than junk…

242.6  geezus…I can’t wait until I’m stuck at 219, I’ll likely have to cut off one of the old legs to get there.

On the old legs front I have been managing a little bit on the treadmill, I’m gunning to be running again this summer.  If old farts with torn ACL’s, zero meniscus, and a scheduled knee replacement can do it…what is your excuse?  Ya it hurts, hell I’ve lived it up for 42 years, everything hurts.

Quote of the day:

Somewhere there’s a score being kept, so you have an obligation to live life as well as you can, be as engaged as you can.
Bill (F) Murray

Stay warm…Out.

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